Nepal

Some of us have heard about the 7.9 richter scale earthquake that just hit Nepal. Such devastation. Been contacting and hearing news all night from most friends in the area and surrounding regions/countries. Still waiting to hear from 2 volunteering in the Himalayas areas....

Please pray for the people, and the country, and the helpers, now and in the future. There are also many organisations well set-up to respond and/or bring aid to this crisis you can donate to. 

Within all of this current event, I am praying for all, responding, and reflecting on self "what if" scenarios.... 

If I left Hawaii in February/March after graduating from discipleship school, I would definitely have been at the Everest Base Camp (EBC), or on route in to/out of it. April is the start of peak summer season for it. I was also going to stay and volunteer in Nepal at least until June. Today, I could have been physically safe, hurt or dead in Nepal. Not glamourising it, but this thought was more real than imagining myself being run over by a truck or dying from sickness here in Big Island (Hawaii).

I was determined to finally climb to base camp or higher. I was tired of only talking about this dream - Everest I and Everest II. It is one of my three biggest dreams. My personality was NOT the type to NOT pursue what I had set my eyes on. As I stumbled responsibly through life and goals, I've always been more of a doer than a talker.

I decided now was the time to do it, before I started raising financial support for my longterm mission, so my stewardship/accountability will be above reproach. Instead this became part of my obedience call, to put this plan down and not leave Kona. So I stayed, til May when my visa expires. This meant it won't be until end of May or June before I could realistically get to Nepal. The EBC hike season would be closed from June due to extreme weather, until December - the winter hiking season. I pictured putting this plan aside again for another two loooong years.

I pray pleasing God will now always be my priority. He knew I always struggled to let go of achievable favourite pursuits. They're temptations always being dangled in front of my addiction. That's why Everest has played several roles in my spiritual growths. During weak times I've reasoned to God surely the faithful journeys and spiritual growth could also happen there for me, along with His other faithful children serving in that region. I could have been there helping right now! I was also saddened that I missed out on being there before the Dharahara Tower and other landmarks were completely destroyed. Sickening selfish thoughts considering how many people are still under those rubbles!!! How helpful could I really have been if I was trapped in the mountains or in the ruined cities...??.... :-(

I pray strength, courage, resilience, wisdom, comfort, help and rest for all involved in this tragedy.

My motivation to be in Nepal has always been more self-oriented. At the back of my head, I hear God saying once I've realigned my motivation to focus on Him with this, He will send me there and experience more than I can imagine. I tried to pretend it will be more God-centred, with mission trips and such. But truthfully, I couldn't fool God. I smile painfully here, because I know He knows me so well and He knows my heart is not yet right.

Yet despite the emotional conflicts I go through; I understand and believe, and have faith in what I know; enough to make this choice and take His paths. I know the Everest blessing I will receive in the future will bring awesome yet short-lived lifetime happiness only. Minute in comparison to the eternal joy I am given.

In prayers/thoughts, I keep singing and declaring this from the song "In Christ Alone". At peace with my future in His hands, whichever location I am placed. Willing and hopeful for God to mould me to be more like Him, Christ-like. Thankful for His grace.

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From a lifes first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Could ever pluck me from His hand

Til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I stand

"KATHMANDU (Reuters) - An Indian army mountaineering team found 18 bodies on Mount Everest on Saturday, an army spokesman said, after a huge earthquake in Nepal unleashed an avalanche on the mountain at the start of the main climbing season.

Nepal's Tourism Ministry could only confirm 10 deaths, but spokesman Gyanendra Shrestha said that the death toll could rise, and that the avalanche had buried part of the base camp. He said two tents at the camp had been filled with the injured."

Click here for a news article about the earthquake.

Hearing From God

I've been hearing God all my life. Or at least since I was a child. I thought it was just the way I processed information. Having a conversation with my conscience/self silently, similar to people whom talk to themselves out loud as they problem-solved.

I don't hear an audible voice. God comes to my mind as a thought. Like a spark of wisdom! Ingenuity! Encourager. Positive. Life-giving. Correcting. Gut instinct.

At all times, I had a choice whether to accept the information, or not. Simple....

I rambled to my roommate about how I hesitate constantly following what I believe are God's commands, in an effort to make sure it is really God I am hearing and not my own judgment/thoughts/wishes. I don't want to look stupid or hypocritical or critical, so I drag my feet and stumble around, digging first for wisdom and truth and confirmation and discernment. I shared with her amazing testimonies where God showed me it was Him, but I was tired most times from over-analysing. I admitted my desire for witness/es or others also hearing the same messages (as I shared in last week's update). In my mind others could give my experiences accountability, consistency, credibility, and prevents fabrication. So our prayers included quick obedience to very clear directions, and for others to confirm.

I got ready to spend a long quiet time alone. I was in the bathroom, not even a minute, when a clear thought came to my mind again! Not related to anything I was thinking or doing. I don't even think I was thinking at the time. I was very surprised and exclaimed, "Oh no! Not again!". My roommate heard me. I stepped out quickly, she asked me what was wrong. I said I got another message and I gotta go out of the room and process it.

The message was simply go to the balcony and go/speak to the person there.

In immediate obedience, with very little information, unsure and feeling hesitant, but completely trusting in the Lord that commanded and guided, I set out.

I was shocked to see a lone female sitting there, next to the glass window/wall. I took a minute to calm my nerves, pray and process by heading to the banister. Then I walked back towards her, said hello, and asked how she was. Long story shortened and to keep her privacy - I admitted how I ended up there; she admitted she was struggling and she prayed for a friend. Then I showed up!!!

Teary-eyed as we shared our stories. God gave encouraging lessons. God answered prayers and provided. Simple.

I went back to my roommate and shared what just occurred.

So amazing! I am in awe and worship.

Breaking down my hesitation.

So much to learn.

More willing to walk with humbled confidence.

More confident to respond with immediate obedience.

"...Show me the way I should go, for to you I have entrust my life."

Psalm 143:8b NIV

Roles and Command

I slept outside on my hammock yesterday, before we host the new students. Glad I was able to do it then. I had the best sleep SINCE coming here in September last year!!

Last night's moon moment was awesome again. Even woke up with it setting (see photo, bottom left), and almost mistook it for the sun if it were not high.

... I have been battling with the Lord about something. Something where I feel He wants me to speak out. He's been gently prodding to really convicting me about it. Always with love. I was/am hesitant to voice it out, coz I process them internally to digest/understand what's cultural/emotional and His.

... Surely He won't be telling me these messages alone. I pleaded He show me and confirm to me, that it is (from) Him. He did. God was always clear, it was me that was not responding, and/or pretending to have obeyed.

This verse (top photo) is a piece in the puzzles of understanding. Shows the different roles and a command. Have to read the whole chapter at least, if not also before and after. God made sure I understood this bit first though, coz there are so many teachings within these chapters. It took all day and all night to process this!! And God really showed me, that I was floored at the end of it! But he also encouraged me when he showed me people he is also prompting.

My devotion to love and serve God - may I (and the "team") always be wise, repenting when needed/asked, and representing.

Fortune and Flower

Had a laugh with my room mates reading funny cookie messages. The lady at the restaurant gave me extras specifically to share with them after I organised lunch for another group. We don't believe in the "fortune" that came with the cookies, but it was fun to laugh about them.

Mine was the only one with a romance message. We joked about it too, yet seriously, that topic was something I really walk in faith with God. I have given it to God with a loose grip, open handed. Romance possibilities were not lacking, but they weren't aligned to what I pray for - "a godly man, who is loving, faithful and obedient to God, with a mission focus". I pray for my husband now. I would love to find out he is already praying for me too!

I don't feel fortunate having (had) more than one to choose from. I'm glad to be appreciated so much that they want to marry me, but though highly tempted, I have faith in the values and reasons for my decision not to. Still, though they are not a good match (incompatibility mostly because of faith, or the fact that I am a "sent" missionary), I make sure I honour them still. They are good people, some I'm still friends with if they honour my honesty in my choice.

I don't want many suitors. I quietly enjoyed it when I was younger, constant ego boosts, but not now. I just want the right one. With a man who sees how God is transforming me, likes it, and wants to be part of it, to take an active role in loving me up in Christ too. And ditto of course. I know we are both not perfect, that's why I look forward to us supporting, encouraging, committing and holding each other up through our journeys. Everything else are cultural, even affected by our fears of opinions of others (and worse, of self!). Those I break down to values that are most important to me, freeing myself of nonsense as much as possible (e.g. education, finance, age, culture, experience, location, etc). Everyone else I declare purity and brotherhood in relationship on. It is too much of an unfortunate loss if opposite genders cannot be friends just because (non)romance issues gets in the way.

Most important is to talk or get to know first though. It's amazing how many people still don't know how to do this without pressure or confusion! Push aside the romantic away as long as possible. Intimacy in relationship is built in friendship first.

...Thankful for the flower last week too. A friend let me handpick one from a display that was no longer needed. I kinda forgot how it was like to be gifted or to buy flowers lately.... 

smile emoticon

"I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.

HE:
As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women.

SHE:
As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste."

(Song of Solomon 2:1-3 ESV)

"...My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains."

(Song of Solomon 2:16-17 ESV)

Moon Moments

Been blessed again with a good spot to watch the blood moon. Actually, same balcony, but to the side/corner this time. Enjoyed the first one around October last year like I was (the only one) having a dinner date with God.

For 2 nights now I've been enjoying the moon's beauty. The first night, I saw someone looking up, and he looked captivated, so I also looked up, and was as taken captive. A huge ring of light surrounded the full moon. Stars radiated around it, with a clear night sky. So beautiful! I saw so many beautiful photographic angles for the moon with nature I was always gasping for breath. It was a perfect time to be out.

Last night (photo above), after midnight, I pulled myself out of bed to see the blood moon/lunar eclipse,and slept outside. God used the sky to give me clarity on His mission for me for this season, and focused my vision, understanding the bigger perspectives. Encouraging me to be stable-minded and persevere. I also repented for false beliefs exposed. It was all experiential so too long/hard to explain. But I love how He used the sky lights and darkness to explain wisdom to me. I remembered scriptures too as it happened. Maybe I just worked it out myself, but I'm thankful for God's creation being like chess pieces giving me clearer imagery.

Thankful and full of worship.

"Moreover, the light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, as the light of seven days, in the day when the Lord binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow."

(Isaiah 30:26 ESV)