This country brings out a rollercoaster of emotions. Prepare to be challenged… to be confronted… to be shaken… to be uncomfortable… and be disgusted… and be impressed.
It is so diverse and rich in culture. It is impossible to peek at everything in less than 2 months. It is definitely not a country for the faint-hearted, yet I would recommend it for people to visit. But do not choose a big tour of the country for your first overseas trip. A lot of travel-savvy is required to manage this country. Otherwise, make sure you are in an all-inclusive tour group. Or visit only two or three areas if travelling independently for the first time.
With early planning, and/or cash to spend (to get yourself out in a jiffy to another location), it is easy to travel around the country. Book your train tickets 3 months in advance, even if it means your itinerary will be rigid. Or rely on your luck/blessing to get a seat a few days before. But be prepared to fork out a lot more cash for some rail routes, or to fly out instead. ALL travellers from overseas (whom didn’t pay for a private car/van/bus hire) told me their bus rides were awful. My experiences when we used private vehicles at the start of my trip when I was with a group were fine, even fun or exciting. None of our private transports were air-conditioned, by choice (?).
One of my domestic flights was cancelled but was fully refunded. Thankfully I had time to make other plans, as I was told of the cancellation about 4 weeks before the date. The airline had given me an alternative flight which I kept until the morning of my travel, in case the more suitable (and cheaper) flight with another carrier was also cancelled.
All (but one of) my train trips pretty much arrived on time, or 20 minutes late maximum. The Jaipur to Jodhpur overnight train arrived 5-6 hours late but the locals whom regularly caught it said it was very unusual. Most times the train left on time or maximum 1 hour behind schedule.
People will have varied experiences in the same parts of India. So choose to visit those that interest you. I wanted to visit so many places, especially up north – Srinigar, Shimla, Sikkim, Jaisalmer, Gangtok, Darjeeling, Arunachal Pradesh, Punjab, Gujarat, Tamil Nadu, Maharastra, Hampi and Bengal areas. But I was restricted by time, budget, and the weather. Maybe I will still get a chance to visit those places in the future, especially up north when I try to visit the bordering countries. But for now, where I have been are enough. Taj Mahal is off the bucket list, and about 3 weeks of travelling alone in India, a huge part of me was ready to leave. But I found a perfect place to end my trip, where I ended up staying longer, cutting off my last destination. I could imagine staying longer, but it was not possible (though almost made possible, hmph!). Still, it was a perfect way to end what would have been a very trying journey.
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I was very hesitant to write this part of my story – relating to why I did not like India. But I will not hide it, as it was what I and ALL other female tourists I have spoken to experienced constantly and mostly while we toured. It is the only reason why I would tell another female traveller to not visit India, if I did not think she could cope. To advise someone to not to go to such a beautiful country is a HUGE deal, and I did not believe it would ever happen. I am always determined to show and experience the GOOD in every country. Eventually I experienced a lot of “better India”, in the South or the lower part of India. However, most tourists goes to the North, and that’s where it was “rough”.
Before I continue, please remember the first part of this story, how India could still be enjoyed, especially in good company (with locals or other travellers). I also need to stress that (after writing this story, while heading down to Kerala) I noticed a HUGE difference between the men in the South and the men from the North. I was much safer and comfortable in the South. I even forgot once that I was in India because I was so comfortable and completely let my guard down, to my happy surprise. Plus, I met a lot of Indian men who were kind, treated me well and were gentlemen. They were all the men I met –
click here to read the story – when I started my India journey (a lot of them from the North); the 87-year old Hindu freedom fighter; the Hindu guesthouse manager in Jaipur; a Muslim man in Jodhpur; a Catholic Goan I did the children’s party with and also toured me around; a Hindu Nepali waiter in Goa; a Sikh man from Punjab (and his lovely wife, plus their British couple in-laws) holidaying in Goa; and a Catholic businessman from Mumbai who made sure I did not miss my stop etc.
.... The fact was that most Indian men I interacted with in the North were disgustingly sleezy and lecherous. Almost daily I had to protect myself from inappropriate touching while I walked down streets. I have about 5 stories to share, but I had a LOT more less shocking experiences, such as karate-chopping some hands away from me when I figured the men were about to reach out or “brush” against me while they walked past; or men and women trying to fool me or take money from me (same same but different as other countries). Male travellers got the constant touts and scams just as much as the females. But we had to deal with these “extras”.
My first unfavourable experience unfortunately was from my Indian friend. He was not disgustingly sleezy and lecherous, but he acted a lot of times in ways that I did not appreciate; or he did not explain his reasons well…. I met him as a traveller with his girlfriend, while in Thailand. We all organised to meet up, but it was mostly him who took the time to show me around as she was very busy. I trusted him enough (we gained a lot of trust from each other after Thailand), and I was grateful to him for making sure I saw the important places, helped me save a lot of money, and helped fix other problems such as unlocking my phone and getting my watch fixed. He opened his home and introduced me to his family, friends, relatives and his life. Because of him I was safe (from other Indians), had a LOT of fun, met interesting people, and had local experiences I never dreamed I would have in the short time I spent in places he showed me. For example, drinking milk from a street stall and attending a 25th wedding anniversary celebrated Indian-style. But, I wasn’t safe from him, to a point, and had I met him as the street hustler he is, not as a fellow traveller, and if we didn’t get to know each other well in Thailand, I wouldn’t have trusted him. I never doubted he cared about my welfare. He also mentioned that even in Thailand (I knew what he meant as we both noticed it then) he felt strongly bonded to me, which made him feel protective towards me and made him go out of his way to do things for me. If he reads this post, I know (though I hope he’d forgive me) he’d be very affected by it. Time will tell if our bond will overcome any problems this blog will bring up.... The problem was (or problems were), he introduced himself as my boyfriend, to make sure 3 guest house managers knew I was under his “protection”. But there was no need for it (??), surely!??! It was good coz it kept other men from trying moves on me (you will read a story later for when he didn’t “protect” me, the manager sleezed on me), so I let it be, but it infuriated me that he decided it without letting me know, and not admitting it when I asked (the managers told me).... He also assumed he could sleep in my room because he wanted to walk me safely to the train station in the early hours/dark (5am-ish). While in Thailand we were all in the same accommodation, so he probably assumed the same trust still applied. But it wasn't just us two then. Thankfully I had 2 single beds :-/…. I also thought he liked the “protection” too much, especially as people were complimenting our “pairing” while he toured me. He said I was giving him “PR”…. We spoke about our relationships at the train station. I told him I’m looking for a man who only wants to give to me; as all/most men wants to take from me, or gives expecting something in return. Selfless giving. Joyful giving without negative vested interests. It is up to me to accept and give back, but it shouldn’t be expected, and it should never be taken. My friend knew I was not attracted to him and that I respected his girlfriend, but I felt he was becoming/became one of those men, affecting my comfort in our friendship. He pushed a lot of the boundaries. I was most disappointed (which is why he is in this list, this action could be deemed disgusting) when while he talked about why his girlfriend was crazy about him, he showed me a very inappropriate photo. Maybe he felt too bonded and comfortable with me, ugh. I was thankful it happened 5 minutes before I boarded the train. The glimpse, before I smacked his hand and cellphone away from my vision, scarred me for life.
Second was a photographer in Agra – my second stop. This deserves its own blog. It’s a weird one, as I am still not sure how much of it was him just(!!??) trying to have sex with me and taking me to a room…? And how much of it was not a figment of my imagination where I really thought I was targeted by the mafia/gang in Agra (I was still innocent smiles and friendly face then) - to be kidnapped, or drugged and raped/sold. I tried to lose him from my track, so I took more than 2 hours inside of Taj Mahal instead of 30 minutes as I said. Still he was waiting for me before the exit, instead of photographing other tourists at the entrance. My gut instinct showed me I was marked and he had other people (tag team) watching me the whole time so he knew exactly where I was. I was scared to death for my safety, and I did not trust the police. I did not stop praying from the time I saw him at the exit, to chatting and taking photos inside the Taj Mahal while I silently planned my modus operandi/escape, to when he took me to McDonalds to spend more time with me when my other stories/excuses didn’t work, and until he quickly dropped me off at the train station. I was exhausted while I played all my trump cards and spent another 4 hours with him. I decided it was better to deal with him alone, make him see me as a person, not as a product. I couldn’t run away as the “gang” was a bigger opponent to fight. They’d also have people outside the Taj and I was in unfamiliar territories. My most vulnerable was when I had to go inside a closed down computer room. I already scanned it for escape routes and stayed next to the door, ready to hit him and break down glass with the chair I was sitting on and grab the first tourist I saw if the situation became dangerous. I couldn’t find another tourist/group (who will not be just as vulnerable as me) to help. He offered me water (sealed, but still could have been drugged) and I was watching his hand and movements like a hawk, which I think he noticed, lol ugh. Then we rode his motorbike to get something to eat as he wanted to show me his hospitality. I swear he was showing me off as a “product”, as he beeped at 2 people at different locations and I saw them looking mostly at me, and stopped to talk to another person who checked me out while they spoke in their dialect. Then he took me to McDonalds (to give me a false sense of safety) but only after I kept stressing I did not want to go to a restaurant I didn’t know and I did not want to go too far. I kept the pretence I was clueless and friendly. I told him a lot of basic truths but also made up so many stories to make him see me as a person. I pretended I was in the tourism industry and gave him my email address so he could contact me when he visits my Asian country where I would introduce him to my crazy international friends (used his sex dreams with Europeans against him). I told him a lot of my girlfriends have casual sex and loved having fun, typical of the tourism industry. But I talked about my religion and how sex was sacred for me/us, and agreed to not sleep with my fiancée until after marriage in April. I used a picture of one of my fit male friends which happened to be in one of the old cellphones I ended up carrying (thank you R, you don’t know how much I needed your photo then, hahahah, whew!). I had to go into details about how I controlled the urges, as he kept talking about sexual stuff. I made him see me “pure” by choice, but with the benefit of introducing him to wild girls, and it worked. I also concentrated on getting to know him and his family, to create a “relationship/connection”. His phones after our bike ride kept ringing and he showed a lot of tension or deep thoughts on his face. I think he tried to let me escape him while in McDonalds (when he went to the toilet), but I still didn’t feel confident I could run away (to be honest I think my legs felt weak). I decided to stay with him and talk more about my religion. I made him think my train was at 7.50pm back to Delhi, but one hour before 5.50pm (1750 hours on my train ticket) I pretended to realise my mistake and that he misunderstood me. I was heading to Ajmer for a wedding but back in Delhi a few days later. So if anything was planned from McDonalds onward, I prayed it wouldn’t be ready yet. He was always a bit uneasy from this stage, and I knew I got to him, and he was fighting with demons inside – either the fact that he was letting me go without getting “good feelings” from me, or that he felt responsible to protect me and get me to the train station safely. Before we rode his bike I heard him on the phone mentioning “Fort” (there’s an Agra Fort train station). I was catching my train at Agra Cantt. He asked twice beforehand if I was sure my train was at Cantt! All this drama could have been a figment of my imagination as I said at the start, but if I was dealing with a gang, he may have taken them off our “track” by sending them to the wrong train station. Then while we were riding back, he advised me to not accept drinks and talk to other Indians no matter what they say. I couldn’t help it, I answered, “but that’s you, and I tried and said no to you several times, but you wouldn’t let me go”. Though I was not completely sure, I felt by then he was really letting me go, so I let slip I wasn’t completely clueless. He could also read between the lines. Then the funniest thing, he was offering to give me money – 500 rupees – he said in case I needed it. I declined, said I had enough til I get to my friends waiting for me in Ajmer (I was heading to Jaipur), but thank you. It could have been my pay for the hardwork I did for about 4 hours with him, lol ugh. When we got to the train station, I was trying to have a picture with him on his bike (for memories, serious! hahahah!) but he could not wait to rush out of there, making excuses he is not allowed to park there and the police will take him. Again, I think to disassociate himself with me quickly, in case other gang members saw us(???). Who worries about police and parking at the train station in India??? Be aware, any relation to crime, you will see it at major/touristy train stations in India. I said God bless him, he rode away quickly, and I walked fast inside the train station, where I prayed for him some more and thank God I was safe. But the tension stayed and I did not feel safe-ish until I was in the company of my friend in Jaipur. He and the 2 military men I met (whom gave me some feelings of security) while waiting at Agra Cantt confirmed with me the mafia in Agra and how bad it is. That gangs have police protection. That I made the right decision to not sleep there, being a single female traveller. But I’m sure there were other travellers, possibly single and female, whom had a wonderful time there too. Lucky them.
Third was a guesthouse owner/manager in Udaipur, who pretty much expected me to have sex with him 2 hours after I arrived in his establishment. Thankfully I ended up in great company with a gentleman of an Irish man, and I was able to discuss with him my problems with Indian men, and the comments and interactions I had with the owner of the guesthouse we were staying at. I knew I wasn’t making it up as in 24 hours he witnessed some of what I had to deal with (from the manager and outside) and I related to him my interactions with the manager when I was away from his protection. When he became clued in, he kept me safe, and I spent a full day in Udaipur free from any gropes. I didn’t care about how the Indian men saw our relationship and how they looked at me/us. I was so relaxed with him, spent a great birthday dinner with him, and eternally grateful for his selfless kindness. We had lots of laughs making fun of how he needed to protect me and my honour, how no one was protecting him from “my advances and gropes” (jokes), and what he should expect from the manager after I left during “chai party” or when invited to ride his motorbike to watch the sunset. I truly appreciated Irish’s friendship. Thank you again if you are reading this! :-)
Fourth was an Indian businessman who overheard me asking for direction back to the train station from a woman, from Churchgate station to Victoria Terminus in Mumbai. It was about 8.30pm, after work, and people were heading to the train station along with us, which was 10 minutes walk away. My guard was up though I thought he was kind to offer as he headed the same way. We had very random conversations, no inappropriate comments, so when he insisted to buy me a drink, I thought it would be rude of me to decline, but I stressed I could only detour for 15 minutes as I had friends to catch up with and bags to pick up in the cloakroom. All was fine, no drugs slipped into my drink. But 2 minutes after we left the restaurant, 2 minutes away from the train station, he demanded a kiss!!!??! $^&%*^*^!!!?????! I strongly declined and he backed away but walked fast along with me saying he meant no offense, that it was simply an understanding between 2 people. I thought even hinting the “understanding between 2 people” was inappropriate and I was so offended I decided to put some thoughts back into his head. I related back to him “nicely” he has a wife and 3 children. That it is considered cheating to have these “understandings” in my country; and that his behaviour was exactly what I was telling him that made me very disgusted with his fellow Indian men. That in other countries, and men from other cultures, would not dare disrespect us women like them Indian men do us continuously in his country. That he is disrespecting his wife and exposing her and his children to sexually transmitted diseases. And she must be having sex with other men too if these “understandings” existed. Etchetera etchetera. He kept disagreeing with me nicely, and I kept talking loud enough for passersby to hear – for example, how he just asked me to kiss him after meeting me for 10 minutes so he is giving me the impression that the Indian women freely gives their kisses as well, coz he was so relaxed and casual about asking me. Etchetera etchetera. He didn’t know what hit him. Then I said I had to go, no need to take me inside further. Thank you, shook hands and walked off. I felt quite satisfied. I'm so very sorry to all my Indian friends, ack.
Fifth was a boy waiter from a beach restaurant in Goa. Earlier I complimented him (to a friend) for not being sleezy and charming us like his other colleagues, and did not even really interacted with us. But, in a most disappointing and unexpected turn, he asked me if he could join me inside the toilet (while I was going in and he was next to the door) after he showed me where it was. He initially he took me to the shower where he was also right behind me, and I excused it as a cultural thing – maybe Indians peed in the shower. I was so shocked I could not pee/move, and I could still hear him outside the door, so I stormed out of the toilet 10 seconds later. Thankfully the taxi was already booked before this happened, so we left soon after.
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Postscript:
Once I was in the South, from Kerala area downwards, my experiences have been calm, friendly and nice. No incidents! Such a contrast, which made me really appreciate it more. And I had a wonderful/great time! :-)
... If I didn't have to survive the men, I could have enjoyed and concentrated on the fact that I thought India was a romantic place. A magical place. Or a place that even with all its flaws managed to creep into my heart.
Here are some of the reasons why:
- Udaipur with the way the palaces and nice buildings and the city was set up around the lake. It felt nostalgic and couples could stay in romantic accommodations and have meals in restaurants overlooking the lake. I chose well to spend my birthday there for the fact that I thought it would be calm and relaxed with a nice surrounding where everywhere was easy to get to.
- Jodhpur with its winding roads, hills and small alleys. And the Mewargarh Fort. An amazing backdrop, espcecially the view at night when it was lit up. I stayed in a kitsch, really old haveli with all the trimmings that made the place interesting. And the colours of the saris of the Rajasthani women!!
- Jaipur late in the afternoon, an hour or two before the sun had set. I watched all the kites flying up in the sky within the (old) Pink City. They were everywhere! I saw the kites do their "war dances" as they competed with one another or showed off intricate moves to other fliers, daring them to copy. So many people and so much commotion within the dilapidated, high, old buildings. People going about their business. Because they were above ground, it was like they were on stage and on show.
- Goa's quieter beaches where one/couples can relax, enjoy the sunset, eat seafood and drink fruit lassi. The sunrise from Mumbai to Goa was breathtaking!
- Kerala backwaters which is actually quite vast. Enjoy an overnight stay (or longer) in one of the botels or more rustic accommodation. Visit some of the villages.
- Varkala, south cliff. Relax in the quieter and nicer part of town. Receive some pampering, getting ayurveda treatment, or just while the time away. I woke up early in the morning to watch the fishermen circle the sea as they brought in their nets to haul their catch for the day. Go to one of the less touristy villages/areas to watch locals go about their normal life. The beach was also less crowded or had a handful of people only in it.