Three Ways To Love And Be Loved

In many countries Valentines is a day not just for "lovers" but also for platonic friends. It is a day of enjoying each other's company and showing that we care and/or love them.

If you would like to let someone know you appreciate... or care... or love... him/her/them, here are 3 simple and different ways you can show them. Male or female, they will love the gestures below. I guarantee any of them will be appreciated. You can do one, or all three.

1. Send flower/s to workplace/home. You can hand it, but it is also (embarrassingly) nice and more special when it is delivered. It can be a bunch or a single flower. It does not have to be a rose. It can even be handpicked and delivered by your unknown accomplice.... I don't know any man or woman (except for those who are allergic) who would not (secretly) feel loved after receiving a flower.

2. Home-cooked meal. The way to many hearts is through our stomach. It is always much more special when cooked for, even if it is only scrambled egg on toast, with a nice drink. Create a nice ambience.

3. Handwritten letter or card. Again it is about the effort and not the cost. Extra points if mailed and received on time.

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I don't like the commercialism and consumerism of Valentines Day, amongst many day and eve celebrations. People go crazy on spending when what people really need are connection and reconnection.

I also think to celebrate love and relationships once or twice a year only is a cop-out. Yet, at the same time, to not enjoy those events for the sake of your love one, is laziness and/or selfish.

It is a time when we are meant to think of the other person/group, not concentrate on how it should benefit us; nor complain about how it bothers or discomforts us. That's why since the late 90s I encouraged others and practiced "month-iversaries", when committed relationship was celebrated every month. I understood that some people are not as inclined to be this expressive, unless it became an event. I was that person.

I had a boyfriend whom didn't like that I struggled to remember our "special dates" - when we met, when we started going out, our first or fifth month since dating...too many!! Out of my stresses, but with my willingness to adapt (and my general quest for innovation of anything), I negotiated to put all our tiny celebrations into one basket and called it month-iversary. It was a great compromise. So good he practices it with his wife now, good on him!

Knowing the "special day" was going to come (or expected) is a great reminder to be attentive of others. To share play, romance and gratefulness at least one day every 29-30 days is not too much to ask!?! It may start as a begrudged forced habit, but with the right heart and spirit it would eventually encourage us to appreciate living life daily from a "love perspective".

Sledgehammer

Tonight, figuratively speaking, (as in it didn't happen, only that it felt like) someone fully swung a sledgehammer from underneath me(!!) with the impact picking me off the ground(!!) and my body crashing some distance away from where I stood(!!).

And... I deserved it.... :-((((

Someone informed me of two actions I did, that was offensive. A bad mistake. Of course I did not mean any offense, and I assumed because I told the person what was going on, it would be alright. It never occurred to me that it was rude, as in my mind, I was very honest/open about it. I already decided that it was only a simple and platonic interaction, pursuing a promise made to a third party. 

However, my actions were rightly misread by the offended. I agree that I did not take the time to think about whether the other person would react the same way I would. Or even how it would look to people around us, if that also mattered to the offended. I was too comfortable that the person understood, but we both were still getting to know each other. That was stupid of me to expect the same understanding a friend who knew me well (and accepted my personality) would give. Between us, it only made sense to myself and the third party.

I apologised profusely. The offended was kind enough to understand, and I hope accepted my explanation.

The lesson was so strong, I would be a fool to do it again. I prayed about it. I hope/know the offended would not hold it against my faith (it was mentioned, maybe in anger), as only myself should be held accountable. But I needed to pray about the whole situation, in confession and sadness; because I am aware, that it could easily happen again; as the root of the issue was my character/personality, which I have said before is my charm and also my flaw. Obviously this time it was a huge flaw. :-((

I am sooooo embarrassed. I am hiding, trying to soothe myself and my wounds (aka ego). So I sit on my bed dazed.... Still reeling and knocked down by the sledgehammer of truth.