Gift of Grace

Merry Christmas everyone. 😊

I received with thankfulness God's most precious gift - the gift of grace.

Thank you Jesus for being born, bringing this gift, and showing this truth to humanity. 😍

I spent the week quietly reflecting on this great Sovereign gift and models of discipleship from one of our pastor's impactful message last weekend. As a woman, I've been reflecting on the 3 Mary (mother of Jesus, sister of Lazarus, of Magdala) in the Bible for 2 years now. 😊

Last Sunday's message focused on God the Father's gift, His Son Jesus the baby King, the servant King; and the response of faith by a believer (Mary, Jesus' mother).


... And Mary said, "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be me according to your word." - Luke 1:38a

... "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done." - Jesus praying to God, Luke 22:42b

Enjoying simpler things in life :-).....

Devoted to Sovereign God in Melbourne :-)) x

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!

Eight long months passed since my last update. I now have a Graduate Certificate in Divinity. I'm pursuing a Graduate Diploma in Divinity next semester. I already know which subjects I am doing. I am waiting for God's confirmation whether to finish Masters in Divinity (total of 3 years full-time). My faith walk is to prayerfully follow God's command to study, until He changes it (or doors close). :-))))

I have countless stories of God’s awesomeness and Sovereignty in the way He is growing me as His disciple!! I am passionate and on fire for Jesus! They will be blogged as time and prompting comes. :-)) In less than 1000 words, here are 9 main themes:

1.
I've never studied so hard in my life! To pass 4 subjects in bible college! Not because I was struggling (I was, but I knew God is equipping me for what He called me to do…) but because I was soaking up everything God was revealing to me through my teachers, classmates and researches. All my life studying/training... this semester was THE BEST schooling I ever had! :-)))

2.
God is providing what I need - in all seasons, journeys and lessons. He is growing me in the little, to prepare me for much. The stories of how God grows and provides for me together with other believers are overflowing! :-))) Despite uncertainties and thoughtful discernments, I smile because all is well and peaceful in my soul. :-)))

3.
I’m (actively) taking care of my health/immune system. I am enough fit, healthy, strong and happy. :-))

I am mentally tired from all the studying (and ministries). So I’m enjoying a bit of the holidays. The ministries are continuously busy, and I am already reading textbooks for next semester. Study/workload will likely be heavier, but in seeking God’s guidance, I believe I am making the right decisions with regards my studies. I’m still “failing” to rest in God, being an over-doer/planner. In His tender mercies I am grown in understanding of “rest” and “Sabbath” in Him and through Him (Genesis 2, Psalm 23 and Hebrews 4). :-))

4.
I joke with God about the impossibility to rest in my most challenging season with Him. People comment I'm being fast-tracked, going through now what took years for them to understand!! To not be overwhelmed, I concentrate on getting to know God more, instead of my reformation. In that He gives me comforts and continuous refreshing like I am drinking from a cold spring. :-))))))

5.
I went through a moment when I tried to dampen the wonders of living in the power of the God's Spirit. I was unsure how to handle people's reactions when amazing happened. I needed to check my mass of intentions and/or motivations. But I was reminded/convicted by God’s Spirit that how I was becoming should be a normal state of being for me (and other disciples of Christ!!), rather than an exception. I am yielding more of me to God as He gives me boldness and courage to be His servant. My trust and faith in Jesus is immensely growing as He walks me through the spiritual fitness and refinement. Instead of wasting my time being scared, I burn passionately, strongly and quietly; while praying into and building my long-term support network and accountability/advocacy partners as we advance. :-)))

6.
God immediately removed the burden of how I perceived “failure” (e.g. unwillingness to ask His people to help me financially because of self-sufficiency). It was a beautiful story of God orchestrating my decision to do "own works" by responding to a folding bicycle advertisement, then prompted by the Holy Spirit to follow the seller where he was going after we met (thankfully he was a pastor so he understood my "crazy talk", whew!), so I could hear his sermon on Mark 6. WOW! Really, WOW. :-))))))

God showed me He's got me. My Creator totally knew me, how I make decisions and my weaknesses. So He provided a means for me to successfully obey and study; while tackling my struggles to trust. I see Him rejoicing with me through every victory, and lovingly encouraging me daily. I'm resting on green pastures in Psalm 23, and as mentioned above. :-))))))

7.
My ministries and discipleships are forming well and growing. I’ll share a few stories through my blog (as much as privacy could allow). There were undeniable revelations and wonders. I am a humbled and grateful witness of God’s Sovereignty. (Matthew 11:25-27)

God, through college subjects, lovingly made me aware of my past/present/future Christian failings in Christlike handling of my individual and corporate freedom. Others-centredness is a hard yoke and heavy burden of responsibility; only easy and light through God's power and Spirit. (Matthew 11:28-30)

8.
For a year I dealt with disappointments towards Christians (new and longer believers). I share this honestly because I could react un-Christ-like if I respond to these troubles without seeking God’s help and truly trusting Him. I had a torrent of “Christian disappointments” because I judged they should know better if they are really pursuing God and not misrepresenting Him. Self-righteousness instead of God-righteousness. :-(( I only need one to ruin "the God experience" and to rant about hypocrisy.... I also expected better, because they were “Christian friends” as opposed to “Christian works”.... But only God knows how truthful and faithful our individual relationship is with Him, and our willingness to let Him be our Lord and King. God is helping me walk this by building my understanding of the difference between asking, “Why God?” and the better “What now?”….

There is a parallel between "Christian disappointments" and "secular disappointments". I've also been walking non-Christian friends through their disappointments. In witnessing and ramblings we've been unpacking the difference between society's standard of living called "survival of the fittest"; and Christlike standard of living to "love God to love your neighbours and your enemies". Seeing God's truth and grace instead of humanity's relative right and wrong.

9. 
I am celebrating my birthday this month, and next month! :-)) While on hiatus (semester break), I’m currently balancing the holiday festivities, physical rest and spending time with friends and family! To contrast above sharing about disappointments, I am deeply touched by people whom made sure I knew they appreciated our friendship, and will actively maintain/grow it with me, despite us no longer being in the same “sphere of influences” - environment, work, belief, life stage, and socio-economic standing. No (wo)man is an island - I am really finding out who my friends are as we lose or gain secular importance. :-))

+++++++++++++++++++

Praise and Prayer Points:

Thank God for completing my first semester and for wisdom He gave me through academia. Pray for my studies next semester and next season of growth.

Thank God for my improved health and general well-being. May I rest and strengthen well in His comfort and refuge.

Pray for my support network, ministries and discipleships. May I/we always be obedient, pursuing the promptings of God and moving in power of the Holy Spirit.

Pray for the salvation of my family - divine appointments, breakthroughs, etc.

+++++++++++++++++++

End Notes:

If you would like to know who Jesus is, or would like to get to know Him more, please contact me and I would loooove to walk with you through that journey! :-)

Thank you for praying for me, financially supporting me, hosting me, and equipping me. I fully appreciate and comprehend how important you/we are as family, as I stepped into being a missionary (obedient to God in however He is growing me). I am blessed and praising in how we are all growing in our relationship with Christ. If you are encouraged and/or feel prompted to be more involved as part of my support network, please contact me. And vice versa, let me know. :-)))

My email update has all the photos, etc. You'll notice I'm still very private here. If you want to receive the "better versions" in your email, let me know. ;-)).

I'm blessed to be living with a housemate who adores flowers as much as I do!! :-)))

Right Kind Of Fear

Mid-afternoon. The temperature still hot after the rain. Sweat immediately formed on my brow and neck. Living in a village along the Amazon river in Para, Brazil.

My small group of 4 (two foreigners and two translators) were ready to go back to our “home” while in this small community. We finished our house visits on a good note – chatting, praying, and impromptu singing (to pass the time during the downpour, and because the grandmother in the house we took refuge in missed singing in church, but she was too old to walk to it now). We also finished 15 minutes earlier than we planned to head back.

We found out there was another house further along the track, but our local guide was hesitant to take us there. We were told the owner had a mean dog that bit people, and the path was dangerous and far. Those information, the weather, our tiredness with hunger, and the guide’s lack of enthusiasm would have been enough for us to turn back. The translator, Brew (not his real name), and I were afraid of dogs, especially mean ones that bit people. We both did not want to be bitten in the jungle where there was no access to rabies vaccines (I’m not protected)!! We did not want to die from it.

However, Brew and I felt we were still meant to go there. He also agreed that an impression of growing fear suddenly took over us. Different to gut instinct, it did not feel natural. It was heavy.... When we stepped out of the grandmother's house I noticed my left ankle suddenly felt weak with a slight throbbing pain. Weird since it had been over six months since I last felt pain on that injury! Someone prayed for my ankle and I believe I got healed (all pains disappeared in a couple of days). I took care of my steps still, but I mostly forgot the injury because my ankle felt strong.

The other two members of our team did not seem to notice anything different. One looked like he was asleep upright, a heavy feeling of sleep overcame him! Praying to God for discernment, I unsurely decided we were being attacked in the spiritual realm. God has never used fear to alter my behavior or values before. So I rebuked all the negatives that suddenly occurred in Jesus’ name.

I was braver (aka crazier) and more persuasive than Brew, so we decided to keep walking as safely as possible. We prayed as we walked single file and sang praise songs softly – myself second behind the local guide, Brew behind me.

similar to the bull mentioned...! :-)

Along the way I cried out when I suddenly felt a bite on my left ankle!! It was super painful, but I did not see what bit me!!??! There was no snake around us, thankfully! But what bit me!!??! Was it poisonous?? We saw giant ants earlier in the area (everywhere!), so I deduced (forced myself to believe) it must have been one of those ants. I refused to stop walking, though I cried inside. I fought the urge of fear or pain, and continued prayer walking.

Then the local guide in front of me stopped. Brew translated that the bull in front of us was known to be violent. Even though it was tied, the rope was long enough that the bull could still reach us if we decided to cross. I continued praying to God to help us in that situation. I declared loudly (enough to be heard by the person behind me) if Jesus wanted us to go forward He will make a way for us. If not, it meant Brew and I misheard His prompting and we would accept God correcting our course.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” - Psalm 56:3

A man appeared from the corner on the right side of the field. I looked back at Brew, and we smiled anxiously at each other. It wasn’t the owner, but he was able to hold on to the bull while we all rushed past. I felt more sure (but still unsure) that we were meant to go to the house at the end of the path (and that something was trying to stop us).

A sample of the wooden planks we walked on.

We walked the wooden planks zigzagging the jungle plants around us. As we got closer to the house, I felt the heaviness of our environment started lifting. The air felt… lighter (as in colour) and cleaner. I continued praising God but I had not forgotten a mean dog still waited for us, worried that it would bark and attack! Though I prayed for God to keep my ankle strong and my feet fast, there was not enough space on the wooden plank for me to run past Brew (ack, hahahah!!!) Unless I pushed him off the trail, which honestly, I considered!! ;-))))

My knees felt weak as we called out to the owner of the house from a distance, while I wildly scanned the area for any sign of animal!! By this time my imagination was going berserk, I thought chickens could also painfully attack!


“Jesus got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  Jesus said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” - Mark 4:39-40

The owner invited us in. The dog was caged (unseen). The translators spoke to the people in the house, introductions were exchanged as the owners showed us around their home. It was clean, well-maintained and beautiful.

While we lingered on the pier behind their house, Brew approached me and said he noticed a huge change in the environment. It was bright and welcoming! We were getting excited because our “antennas” were buzzing! We knew we just overcame an obstacle, and we were sent there specifically, but we still didn’t know why!

In constant prayer, I explained to Brew I believed we were meant to share the beatitudes. He did not know what the beatitudes were but he said he was thinking of people without parental/spiritual guidance; old people (like the widowed grandma we sang for), those whom were feeling isolated/hopeless. I smiled!! Could not contain my excitement as I showed him the beatitudes verses talked about those same groups of people!!

As time passed, we found out that the family were born-again Christians too. They actually prayed that we would visit their home that day! Brew and I felt emboldened to share the message we felt we were meant to pass on to them. As more details revealed, we confirmed with them were they felt they were being lead to step into leadership. Traditions in small villages such as these sometimes limit people to step into roles that were not given to them by persons of authority. We spoke about all of us being part of the body of Christ, all equally important. We spoke about the details for their next ministry. It was such an encouraging time for all of us. At the least for myself and Brew! We all prayed together, praised and thanked our amazing God, interceded for their community, and prayed for each other.

I was in tears as we walked home! I could not stop crying and smiling!! A truly unforgettable experience to be used so intimately, undeniably and strongly by God!!! I was speechless, and so grateful, for God teaching me the right kind of fear – to fear not my situations; but to walk in fear (also known as “in awe/reverence”) of the Lord!!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7

Postscript:

On our way out of the village, our boat stopped by this house. I don’t know why the local lady who was with us on the boat did it. Maybe she heard the story. She was looking at me funny the whole voyage. Anyway, I saw the dog on the pier. It was a mean-looking terrier or a bull mastiff. The team warned me when I jumped off our boat to the pier to hug goodbye the family. The dog was walking so calmly and relaxed. It looked friendly. The owners said it was friendly. But as I was stepping back into the boat, the dog started walking towards me. I heard people in the boat panicking, raised high-pitched voices, rushing me into the boat! I did not want to test fate!! I ran and jumped into the boat, then smiled at the owners sheepishly flustered, hahahah!

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Lord you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” - Psalm 23:4

Truce

I am not residing in God's presence as I was three months ago. I realised this today when I found the story "Petulant Helper".

The last time I heard clearly a prompting from God was before June ended, when He told me to approach a return-missionary in our intensive class. I didn't because I was too busy, so I prayed for her instead. The next day I was less busy, sat at the same table as her, remembered the prompting, and told her. She was having a moment with God. I apologised for not responding, she graciously said it was better because she would have cried. But we were both grateful for God's obvious attention and care.... Before then was with my mentor, while in a cafe. I loved that God answered my prayer for Him to help me show her what I meant instead of just talking about it.

I had been much busier and much much more distracted since then. Though I am more conscious of God in my hourly life. I am still busy doing, instead of just being. Even my rest is a strategy, to remove my lack of rest.

I prayed to God, He gave me a few verses in Jeremiah (3?) about 'keeping my feet from going unshod and my throat from thirst, but I said it is hopeless for I love foreigners and after them I go'. God gave hope in saying 'He will not look at me in anger, for He is merciful. And He revealed again that "He will give me shepherds after His own heart...". I wrote the verses here as if God was talking to me.

The problem with above is I understand it with my head, but I think the problem is my heart. I am analysing so much with my head, I am not abiding in His heart.

I brought this problem, that I cannot explain, to God. He knows my prayers even if I don't speak the words.

God gave me 2 Samuel 2:24-29 (see below). I don't like it when God gives me Old Testament Word. I read it only once. They are so hard to understand (with my own mind), too confusing. God help me, but I gave up understanding.

A thought formed in my head.... Attacking or killing or removing the problem is not the focus/motivation. It is the surrendering to Him that He is forging.

???? What???? Where did that thought come from??? Mine or His? I don't know if the verses in context even meant that?? But I'm tired of thinking and battling. I am praying for truce, or rest in Him, whatever it is, as He knows best to give me.... I just want to lie face down on the ground and not think or act. Impossible in my studying season. But I have faith in my undoing through Him.

... Usually here is where I would say, "So forward I go!".... Leftovers of my "carpe diem lifestyle".... I'm gonna stay spiritually lying face-down on the ground this time with God (while I study and live and serve and love in the physical world). God help me. How do I be how you want me to be??

2 Samuel 2:24-28English Standard Version (ESV)24 But Joab and Abishai pursued Abner. And as the sun was going down they came to the hill of Ammah, which lies before Giah on the way to the wilderness of Gibeon. 25 And the people of Benjamin gathered themselves together behind Abner and became one group and took their stand on the top of a hill. 26 Then Abner called to Joab, “Shall the sword devour forever? Do you not know that the end will be bitter? How long will it be before you tell your people to turn from the pursuit of their brothers?” 27 And Joab said, “As God lives, if you had not spoken, surely the men would not have given up the pursuit of their brothers until the morning.” 28 So Joab blew the trumpet, and all the men stopped and pursued Israel no more, nor did they fight anymore.

(** As I physically planted my face on my bed as if I was in the garden with God, I imagined Him picking up my forehead and placing it on His lap. He is so good. Thank you Jesus....)

Petulant Helper

** Written end of April 2015.... Forgot to post or embarrassed to post? Originally titled "Supporting Cast"....**

I stayed away from my "home", known as ships base for a week, to avoid infecting everyone with my vomiting etc. I'll spare you the gory details, it was not pleasant. I went back yesterday, Friday afternoon, thinking it was Thursday, so I could work on Friday (Saturday!). Obviously I was told to rest until Monday. I was glad to have more rest. I felt foolish being at the base, confused about what was going on around me, and leaving again after a couple of hours.

Instead of crawling to bed while I waited for my friend to pick me up, an idea popped to my head to go to the main office below. To understand how illogically foolish this idea was, you have to imagine me with only about 5% ability to hold myself up. I was not in the mood to socialise. But the push to go there was super strong (I now call it the "Holy Spirit punch"). Illogically, I forced my feet to walk the two floors down.

I was in the office for about two minutes, but felt I was not meant to be in there. The conversation was awkward and strained. I gave an abrupt farewell.

While I held the door open as I stepped out, I saw a shape of a person sitting on the steps of the vacant lot next door. I "heard" a command in my thought to "Help her". My immediate reply was, "no Lord, bed for me now pleeease". Still, I closed the door looking at the person and worked out she was a woman. By then she was also looking at me.

I immediately asked her if she was okay. She said she was fine. I stared at her for more than 5 seconds (which was a very long time when the moment was awkward!). I felt too yuck for small talk, so I bluntly explained to her, "I was told to help you." She stayed silent.

I impatiently stated, "I'm Christian, and I heard God tell me to help you, and I don't know why!"!! (I looked back thinking wow, I must have sounded weird!! I used to avoid such people!! ACK!!?!)

I asked her if she prayed for something. Awkward silence again... until she explained she had six children and was pregnant again. She was drinking her coffee and sometimes because of birthing so many children she could not control her bladder. She accidentally peed on her pants, so she sat down to hide it. She felt helpless, embarrassed and may have prayed.

She needed a place to wash her pants. I took her to a bathroom within our base. While she washed she said she was surprised I knew she needed help. I half-heartedly told her how clearly God wanted to help her and how clearly God answered her prayers! How much God loves her. The lady was excited and I was unenthusiastic, too consumed by how sick I felt. I noticed my behaviour and repented. I prayed silently for God to guide her steps instead, because I did not know what else I was meant to do and I wanted to go to bed!!....

When she finished cleaning herself she asked me how she could communicate with me again. I informed her I was leaving in less than week, so she had limited time to get to know me. Almost as if telling her there was no point.... I was not rude, but I noticed the indifference in my attitude. Before I would pursue a chance to have a 10 minute conversation with a stranger about God. With her, I forgot I just repented for my behaviour towards her, because I was still shutting her down!! I had so little patience! :-((

She told me she needed to go and pick up her son at the pier close by. I pointed to her the exit, then the lady walked the opposite way! I did not stop her, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead, aware I prayed for God to lead her steps! When we reached the balcony, the lady was surprised to recognise the girl sitting there. They met during the girl's local outreach (volunteer work). They both spoke German, so they got reacquainted as they chatted in German, and made plans to meet again. I sat there until it was time for me to guide the lady out of the base.

Tiredly, I returned to the girl. She shared with me that when she was doing her outreach, she really struggled and did not want to be there too. So she prayed for God to show her what to do. She ended up sitting next to this lady and that was how they found out they both spoke German. As she sat at the balcony today, she prayed to God again about her struggle to be there. She was in the same mood when the same lady approached her, not willing to cooperate with God. I shared we were both unwilling to cooperate.

I asked her if she saw the lady while at the balcony. Where she sat was a clear view of where I met the lady. She admitted she was too busy telling God about her needs, she did not listen to hear from Him.

We perused that maybe God was working on our/her obedience. Maybe God was teaching her, to go and help the lady. God prompts, but He never forces us to do His will. When she didn't respond, my role was to connect them again, but supporting cast only, a backup plan in this story. It made sense because I was saying/thinking I did not understand why God would teach me the same lesson again when I hadn't forgotten it (click here to read about my hearing God). That understanding was why I ended up with the lady and eventually at the balcony in the first place.

I was only at base for a short time, yet even in my weakness and poor attitude, God let me serve and learn. I was grumbling, too much like Jonah. The lady represented my Ninevah. But God was bigger than my petulance. *embarrassed smirk* :-/

"This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry. So he complained to the Lord about it:..." (Jonah 4:1 NLT)

I also learned how important it is to sometimes shut up, and just listen. To hold on to God quietly, remaining in His presence, as He reveals our adventures.

God still prepared an enjoyable time for me afterwards; and a place to rest to get better for the weekend.

Top Tens - Winter In Melbourne 2015

The main thing this season (since May 2015), God is revealing to me that my obedience is not about what I can do for Him (studies, ministries, worship, work, etc), but who He wants me to be (child of God loved, chosen, treasured, protected, cared for, freed, beautiful, anointed). :-))))

Ten Thirteen Things I Love

1. My home, my housemates, own room, and being on ground level (no bunks hahahah!).
2. The kids and pets... okay, the adults too. :-))

3. My church, and the bible study groups/fellowship I've been attending.

4. Hot chocolate, with extra does of cocoa! :-))
5. Fresh flowers in my room/house.
6. My awesome folding bicycle! Great Jesus story behind it! :-)
7. Walking late at night around town, the air feels crisper, nice, quieter.
8. Watched lots of movies during my rest period.
9. My "chairman chair", as known in the house. I could sit there for hours studying!
10. Cheeses, ice cream and nuts! ;-)
11. Persimmons and figs!
12. Being taught to rest in God. He knows what is good. He is undoing my assumptions :-).
13. My hot water bottle - so much colder this season!!

Ten Things I Miss

1. My ukelele, digital SLR camera, hammocks, books, awesome ESV Study bible, medications, and expensive/specialist camping gears - all left in storage in Hawaii, with favourite clothes and other favourite personal items. I left ALL my stuff in Kona, sure I was going back within 2 months. Shipping them to Melbourne will cost around the same as a return airfare. I could, to save time, but they are mixed with items I don't need (I kept EVERYTHING so I didn't need to purchase them again, and not packed well). I feel embarrassed asking someone else to sort through them, ACK! - YAY! A friend might be able to bring at least my uke, camera, and bible for me as he pass by heading to another state! YAY! SOOOOO HAPPY! :-))

2. Starting my day worshipping freely, outdoors or indoors, feet bare, dancing/jumping, to a live Christian band, for about an hour (can be called corporate worship).

3. Not having homework, hahahah ack! Study study study!

4. Overnight prayer sessions.

5. Overnight hiking. Retreats. Maybe exploring for pleasure.

6. Dancing. Or being danced with (twirled, etc).

7. My family and friends. Study/Ministry-related stuff are taking most of my time. Because my family are not of same faith, they are not interested in what I am doing.

8. More cheeses and ice cream! :-)

9. Persimmons - no longer in season? I only got to buy two and now can't find them!!?

10. Having time to learn guitar. I'm forgetting the chords.... again....!! :-/ (not a natural..)

Ten Wishes/Prayers

1. For my family to each accept Christ into their lives.
2. For studies - have a focused mind, stamina, rest, and God's wisdom.
3. Not neglect my family and ministry. Life-Work-Ministry-Rest-Pleasure-Balance.
4. Sanctified common sense.
5. For God's armour to always cover me and family.

6. For the mentors and support team He is sending towards me and building up. Thank you for the ones I've met already.

7. To always be obedient and dependent to God as His little child. 

8. To always have this joy and inner peace I have serving.
9. For a healthy body and physical healing (Immunity, skin, and physical wellness) 

10. God's blessing for me to have my own family, children and grandchildren.

Ten Material/Resources Wish List  (with mission to unreach nations in mind)

1. Osprey 75L travelpack, customised to my back.

2. Ipad or tablet - for ease during short-term travels.

3. Dual-sim phablet/phoblet.... you know which one I'm talking about.

4. Big Agnes(?) lightweight 3-4 seasons tent.

5. Lightweight and waterproof winter jacket and hiking pants.

6. Northface waterproof duffel bag that can turn into a backpack - carry-on size.

7. Business/investment in mission.

8. 

9. GoPro or similar - using this is strong, but I'm very hesitant to being more public, God will provide when it is time.

10. Canon DSLR lenses, tripod, and equipment for lighting and studio photography (a whim). I'm gonna try to get back to learning photography with my 50mm lens, next season.

** Don't need them this season of study and rest. :-)))

Top Tens - Spring in Hawaii 2015

** I just noticed this didn't publish!! I wrote this around end of April 2015 while bedridden at friend's place, about a week before I left Kona, Hawaii.

Most of my desires and wishes CAME TRUE!!! That's why I decided to share this still....

• Under "Miss" list, I experienced or have ALL of them!
• My "Wishes/Prayers" were answered/given. I have all of them at varying levels, except for number 10, only coz that takes time, at least nine months, hihihihih! ;-))).

For my "Goals", I expected to work for them, make them happen. But only numbers 1 (octopus-hunting), 2 (deep sea catching) and 8 (double sim phone) are not yet achieved. Here's what amazing about "God's incidences"....

• I rang to purchase a folding bike. When I met the seller he told me the bike and extras were mine for free (he wanted to bless me). I didn't tell him I prayed (a lot) cheekily for a folding bike, but decided to "make it happen", coz I didn't believe someone will just give me one...!!! That day God gave me important answers through this man. I will it blog later.
• My lost iron came back (left it with old roommate who also likes to iron).
• I hope I assisted the training director well. I was glad I finished shopping and putting together the 'thank you packages'. With 3-4 hours left I crazily put away my belongings into storage. I didn't pack... I shoved!!! Ack!! I made it to my plane in time. ;-))
• I received three free cabin bags. I used one to go home (packed souvenirs in) and the other for storage.
• In this season where God is clearly revealing and reminding me to rest, I am growing in Him. This is still on-going.

Without this list below to look back on, I may not have noticed God's provisions in so many ways as seen above. I'm currently facing the enormity of consequences of my choices to obey God. Thank you Lord for hearing my heart. xxxox

Ten Things I Love

1. Canoe paddling 2-4 times weekly is good fun! Recreational level only. I cannot prioritise to more. Yet in 3 weeks I went from being new sitting last (in front of steerer); to "pacesetter" (on seat 2, timing with the paddler in front of me, being followed by those behind me); then "caller" (doing the counts and call-outs for when we switched sides, or needed to dig stronger). I was told I "have good form". I don't know what it means, but accepting the compliment :-).
2. Showers! It's very hot here!
3. My week(end) retreat (aka own room) at local friend's accommodation, especially now I have a very yucky uugggghhhy sickness.
4. Cooking for friend mentioned above!! She actually loves my cooking!!!??! :-))
5. Free avocados and mangoes!!
6. Frangipanis - daily always had one on my hair!
7. I'm blessed to be working with the leader I'm helping now, and get to know more his beautiful wife and daughters. I have much to learn from this couple, near or far. I pray to be a blessing to them too.
8. Weekend hiking, swimming and overnight camping at a secluded valley with three international friends.
9. Freestyle dancing under the brilliance of the night sky with the Indian friend (a campfire nearby, part of #8). Impromptu is always best, and a willing friend ;-).
10. Sitting in pitch black at the beach with a Korean and a Venezuelan friends, seeing amazing silhouettes and shapes lit by the moon - of the clouds, waves and valley around us (also part of #8).

Ten Thirteen Things I Miss
1. Hot chocolate drink(!!!!!), Melbourne-style.
2. Hawker-style foods in diverse multicultural restaurants, Melbourne-style.
3. Queen Victoria Market vibe and produce, Melbourne.
4. The purple tree in Flagstaff Park, Melbourne.
5. Dancing my prayers in various rhythms.
6. Hiking (and fishing) and camping in national parks with lakes, rivers, mountains, forests.
7. I still miss home too much. In the past though I travelled heaps, I always knew I had home to go back to and to nest in. I already got rid of the extreme travel-bug in my system. I don't have a nest.
8. I miss my close family and friends and friend's dog, a lot a lot a lot. Nuff said.
9. Meals with family and friends.
10. I miss having "disposable" income, to treat people and myself out. Cash flow for entertainment and to spend on others.
11. Miss having a couch inside my home.
12. Miss having baths, then jumping into a nice bed with super-soft Egyptian cotton sheets.
13. Surprisingly missing national galleries, modern and old art. I stared at the Picasso painting below for a looooonnnng time. Reflecting on the woman and myself (and Picasso).

Ten Wishes/Prayers

1. For God to silence myself, others and the enemy... so I can be sure that I heard right my next steps. It's not about what I want to do (go back home; accept a marriage proposal maybe; likely work-travel to Nepal and China; or flashpack in Iceland, Greenland, Myanmar and/or Eastern Europe); or what others want for me (all well-intentioned and loving).... I am seeking what pleases the good and faithful Lord and obeying His commands, as I trust Him in my faithful journey.

2. Clarity in directions for my future and courage to walk into it - praying into where God wants me to be located for long-term/continuous mission, which organisation to connect with, which skills/courses to learn in preparation, theological foundation, etc.

3. For God's armour to always cover me and family.

4. Sanctified common sense.

5. For the mentors He promised to be clear and obvious. Thank you for the ones I've met already.

6. For my family to each have a personal relationship with Christ.

7. To always be obedient and dependent to God as His little child. 

8. To always have this joy and inner peace I have serving.
9. For a healthy body and physical healing (Immunity, skin, and physical wellness) 

10. God's blessing for me to have my own family and children.

Ten Mini-Goals
1. Find an octopus while snorkelling. A local friend told me before I go out fishing I should look for an octopus first. He said I can find them around the beach area where I swim, usually along the rocks. I have to be intentional in finding one, and making it feel threatened (coz it will know I am hunting it) or else I'll miss it. Hopefully it will change colour in front of me, he said, and see it pretend to be a fish. Sounds awesome!
2. Go (deep-sea) fishing, and catch a big fish.
3. Praying for a folding bike, hahahah! Weeeeeeeehh!!
4. Buy myself an iron. I lost the one a friend gave me. I like ironed clothes though I'm not a fat of ironing, ahahah-ack!
5. To help one of the leader at the base I'm assisting as much as possible.
6. Find souvenirs to bring back for my family and friends
7. Find luggages to leave my belongings in. I left my old backpack in Brazil. I have so many daily stuff only worth storing because of my return (e.g. sunscreen, pillows, food containers, containers, blankets, lamp, fan, books, laundry powder, clothes hangers, clothes rack, etc), after applying for a longer visa back to USA. It makes sense to keep everything instead of purchasing them again in one month.
8. Buy a double-sim phone.
9. Rest??
10. Grow in Christ.