Driving Miss Rachelle

I MISS MY TAXI DRIVER!!

I thought about him last night as my head spun. I wished for him in my unsafe drunken state as I tried to get home. I had too many things going against me to catch a taxi (short fare, drunk, vulnerable), so I decided it wiser to walk. Today, I still miss him, as I try (with  the few struggling brain cells I managed to keep sober after last night's escapade!!) to work out how I'd travel around to the different places I planned to go to, then back home.

I LOVED my old taxi driver. I wish I never lost my cell phone, with his number in it. I wish I kept looking and asking for him then. Aaahh, regrets for not treasuring someone amazing that was not appreciated in youthfulness. If I see him again, I would probably hug him. I would likely cry with joy.

I met him around 1999-2000, when he was designated to drive me home after work through a taxi booking service. He was Iraqi or Afghani. I immediately liked him and kept his business card. Taxi drivers always gave me their business cards to call them direct for jobs. I tried a couple, but because they were abundant, I did not care if I lost their details. My Iraqi/Afghani driver (I dislike that I cannot remember his name...) was different, and he was proven to be a great find.

He drove smoothly and took the shortest route. He was always gentlemanly and never made a pass at me verbally and in action. I could fall asleep in his car and I knew I'd be fine, despite our business not being recorded (through the booking service, the reason I preferred it to randomly flagging down a taxi). He would wait for me to finish work late yet never charged extra. He even charged me less, until I assured him I could claim the fare back from work. So he charged me less only for personal trips.

His worth surpassed the generic driver-passenger relationship. I continued using him after I changed job. But I saw him rarely from then on. Many times I called him to check if he was driving in the area, and most times he wasn't, but he always had someone else he trusted to pick me up. He told me to always call him for a taxi, to never catch a random taxi because it was "unsafe".  He would tell me to wait, then a few minutes later, all was organised, with another taxi close by. The other drivers extended the safety net. They were always kind and respectful. They never gave me their card (did not compete for business). All spoke well of my driver, told me he was a good man, and respected amongst his peers. A few times they also drove me for free(!!!) when the journey was short. I was never stuck. I would always have a taxi even when there was a huge demand for them!... I felt so lucky and saved so much money. But I did not appreciate its non-financial value as much as it deserved. I was too inexperienced in my youth to realise how rare my situation was.

I could say he was the first man "in my life" whom made me feel like he could take care of me quickly no matter where I was in Melbourne.

He spoilt me. Like a brat, I lapped it up feeling deserving. I may have even abused it, but my driver never asked anything of me. For one to two years my now beloved taxi driver selflessly did all he did for no reason but friendship.

When I lost my phone, I asked other taxi drivers if they knew him. They didn't. I wasn't regularly catching taxis then so I naturally lost contact. And then I move on and forgot his name, forgot his existence. I remembered him when I was placed in a situation where I again had to trust my safety to another driver (see "my driver in Sri Lanka" ) while I was overseas. But as the story showed, it wasn't the same relationship, and the Sri Lankan driver started falling for me. So I was actually glad when I no longer required his service.

I should have stood next to many taxi ranks for days to find my Afghani/Iraqi friend, or someone who knew him. I should have looked for him. I wish to find him again.

Ulsa and Igor

I have forever dreamt of having my own small garden with beautiful flowers and foliage; a year-round vegetable and herb patch; and a variety of fruit trees for shade and delightful nourishments. I imagined birds tweeting and chirping and a soft sound of water hinting at a distant.

I grew up in a space-starved concrete jungle and care for non-human living things was never, or at least forgettably, discussed. As exposure broadened, I learnt to appreciate and loooove earth and nature freely. They were both indulgent and precious; relaxing and rejuvenating.

I tried to capture this dream in miniature a few times in my temporary homes. Experimented before my real setting. Or fed my soul with enough to tame the hunger to realise the dream.

Not having a place of my own (yet, and by choice), I satisfied my wish for shady trees and greenery by going to parks regularly. I tried potted lemon and lime trees before. Even bonsai trees and bamboo plants. Though all of them were pretty to own, I preferred them outdoors and free; where, sometimes, the birds and running water are.

While living overseas, I loved it when I had potted orchids of various colours, with draping rounded leaves. For years my mood always softened each time I gazed upon each beauty. Before then, I believed I could not grow and keep healthy any plant nor bamboo(!!). I accepted my fate to be a "black-thumbed" gardener, having failed all attempts. I thought when I purchased my first orchid plant our time together would be short-lived. That our relationship would consist of myself consuming only its beauty for as long as I could take from it, then discard its wilted remains. But the flowers kept blooming, and the fanning leaves stayed green!! My housemates and I bought more and placed them around the house. I watered the plants so it became an unstated expected role, which I did not mind. It was nice to feel like I produced and maintained something of beauty for everyone to enjoy. 

I hope to recreate those moments again here soon. Three years ago I decided not to do it yet because I thought I could not settle and plant roots. But time with opportunities, to catch-up or balance life; to finish off responsibilities; and to pursue pleasurable pursuits, satisfyingly calmed me down. I now think I should settle, and it will not be a waste of time, temporary or not. Instead of missing out, pulling this dream closer into reality now, away from the future where other dreams are kept.... A mind-shift to produce much more into life/lives, instead of mostly consuming... (Thoughts on comparing life and plants went a bit deep here, ack...). In plant-speak, regardless of whether I leave or not, the crops/fruits/beauty produced by those plants will still be shared for consumption to others.

The seed of this craving and idea grew this month. Or began two months ago, when I purchased this tulip plant as a housewarming gift :-).

I was surrounded by potted plants, herbs and flowers at the market. I wanted to bring home at least five of them, to plant and grow them together, around my imagined "nook" in my cramped living space. My little retreat, my solace. An opposite reaction to my constant downsizing!

I'm still trying to figure out all the details on how this shift would work in my current and medium-term situations. I am fully aware because of my downsizing where I currently am is not a suitable location for building my "nook nest". But I am (have to be) patient.

I also knew that while "waiting", I could work on learning more about the plants that will be in my garden, specifically the fruit plants and herbs. Tomatoes are one of the main ones I really wanted to have. So, I attended a free tomato-growing class, along with my wounded pride that I failed thrice in the past. The last kill was in 2011, when a colleague gave me a sturdy, older and stronger plant that was "guaranteed to grow as long as watered and kept under the sun". I did as I was told, but the plant did not flower and turned brown.

I learnt so much! I was glad. But I ended up with a free plant (plus another given by an attendee who was only interested in the class as he already planted growing tomatoes in his garden). 

Meet Ulsa and Igor. Yes, I decided to name them. No, I'm not ready to have them yet!! I have space to keep them, even in company of a herb or two, but I have none of the stuff I need to take care of them like dirt, or a pot. I imagined starting with orchids! I imagined setting up a raised-up rectangular vegetable herb patch (next year) first!! Not in ad-hoc pots!!  I've had the green-twins for almost two weeks and I still have not transferred them to a bigger pot!! See below before and after shots.... :-(

Does anyone want to take them off me...!!??! Ack! :-//

Donation Matching

Very interesting social experiment....

I mentioned in earlier post how little donation I was physically receiving for the typhoon. A colleague mentioned people (mostly) never donate willingly. It is all about marketing. So for my donation box we:

• used a clear plastic jar and removed the opaque lid so people could see what's inside
• placed a $5 note inside to encourage people to give paper money
• left some coins to remind/entice people to get rid of their loose change in it (no one likes to carry heavy coins in their pockets anymore)

From this little experiment, I observed that:

• read earlier blog
• I did not get any loose coins, except for the ones placed in it by colleagues whom were helping me market-up the jar, and my own coins for similar reasons. We emptied the jar at the end of the day for security but showed calculations of takings, so we had to keep putting new coins into it every morning. Then I realised the self-service store for chocolates and small treats was 10-15 steps away from the donation jar. It couldn't compete... not even for 10cents.
• When I left the jar empty, it stayed empty (for three quarter of the day).
• I placed a $5 in it, within an hour, another $5 was left.

I'm not going to conclude anything, it was an uncontrolled experiment so one could argue circumstances, location, timing, etc etc.

....Yesterday, I tried a drastic marketing strategy. To see if people really always (unconsciously) want something in return for their good deed. I said I will match the donations, $2 for every dollar donation. One donation to a religious agency, and an equal amount to a secular organisation.

Voila! In one day I collected more than the amount I collected for 4 days. From less than $30 collected on Thursday to $68.10 in 4 hours.

So this morning, I deposited:

• $70 matching donation to Red Cross (kinda secular, was the religious agency I chose initially)
• $70 donated by others to Samaritan's Purse, as advertised early in the week.
• $70 matching donation to Samaritan's Purse (religious) again ack. It was meant to go to Plan Australia (secular), so I could also show 3 different receipts, but my computer did not confirm the donation above so I thought it did not go through and did it again.

It all goes to the same place. *tense smile*

.... Someone told me I only have to match the takings on Friday. But I'll match the whole week's.... I got a little bit of fun and play from the curious experimentation. A good return for the good deed. Worth the donation. ;-)

If you want to donate, but prefer tax deductibility in Australia, you can do it through agencies such as these (link for Plan Australia below).

Plan Australia

Experiences from Outside of Yolanda/Haiyan

I'm not gonna filter through my thought process, and just type away, regarding this calamity.

... When I first heard about the typhoon heading to Philippines, I knew it would cause devastation, a double combination of hurricane Katrina and Thailand tsunami. I explained this to many people. I pulled on memory of what eventuated in a stadium (visited by a famous talk show host) that was used as an emergency shelter but became a prison; and the degradation of civilities and kindness in cities that were hit as and when people became hungry, thirsty, tired, sick, hurt, alone, desperate, helpless and angry. I anticipated how people would take opportunities/advantages of the lawlessness and lack of control. I talked about it all very matter-of-factly, vocalising how sorry I felt for the poor people (that would be affected), how the crisis would be very critical and very dangerous, but really I did not care about them. I forgot about them after the conversation stopped. I was more worried about the spreadsheet I had in front of me that was important for me that day.

... A day before it hit, because I did not remember anyone I knew whom would be directly affected, I became unaffected, and brushed the typhoon off as "just a storm". I guess I was in denial, I did not want to believe that it would really be as strong and damaging as it became.

... The day, saw footages of the storm as it hit. Everything as I detailed - debris on the flood similar to what we saw during a tsunami surge without the deadly current; and properties destroyed by wind/hurricanes. It was then it became more real. Everything I knew but was still only perceived became actual.

... I started checking what preparation took place. So thankful there were groups and organisations that were more proactive than myself. They were preparing supplies, relief, aid and response teams even before the typhoon hit. The experts trained and equipped (or not) to deal with these kinds of situations. But I think, maybe, like myself, they also could not anticipate/accept how major the destruction would be.

... Foreign correspondents have sensationalised the figures and facts. I'm not downplaying the situation - it is dire - but I was hearing/reading 10,000 dead from foreign news but only 1,000 dead from local news (I cant believe I said ONLY!!!). Maybe it was to wake people up from their "away from danger slumber" into "helping action"?? Or maybe the local news did not want people to panic?? .... I am wary/dismayed of media/broadcasting company also twisting/sensationalising the stories to fit what the audience/government would want to hear/show. For example, taxpayers want guarantees that hard-earned contributions that we'd prefer used in our own country's problems were being used appropriately elsewhere, therefore need convincing of how good our citizens are performing with our money in those poor poor countries - yey to us! Now they are saying most of the help are coming from foreign specialists, no/few local specialists (doctors, aid workers, etc) in sight. Such "saviour mentality", concentrating on taking all the credit, uuuuuggggghhh!! I know local people are working tirelessly and hungrily there. I'm sure a lot of them victims of the calamity themselves. While the situation was still being decided and assessed worldwide, they would have been the initial response, the first to aid, despite being spread thin and also requiring assistance themselves. I doubt they or any country would have been prepared for the magnitude of the situation.

... I'm encouraging of bringing spirituality along as part of the holistic approaches to help communities that want to be helped, or need help. Prayers are just as important, if not more, in these situations. (No I'm not going into a debate of who caused it in the first place, convince anyone of how to think these events through etc etc etc.) But when people are grieving, anguished, hungry and thirsty and homeless... I think it is best and more practical to fill that transport with food, water, communications device, emergency shelters, cleaning/medical/building/sanitation equipment first. Bring most of the holy books later. Pray, communicate, teach or worship with them while attending to urgent physical needs and compassionately/empathetically alleviating their various forms of pains, loss and sufferings.

... Anarchy is apparently happening. Thefts, militia, power grabs, etc. Aid convoys prevented from reaching those needing help! Really!? Mankind so evil and selfish, doing that for their better more important cause. I wonder if there will be news of rape, and assaults/killing out of hunger/anger too...? But these people, who are known to be resilient and good-natured, are panicking, reacting out of normal human nature. I will admit, I commented that land sales would be cheaper, investors could/would take advantage. The fact it entered my mind, I would admit to shamefully considering the opportunities to chase wealth, even if only for a few seconds. I was no different to those whom wanted to benefit despite the demise of others :-((. However, thankfully, I am different because my decisions and actions were to not act on those thoughts.

... I was surprised how hard it was to get generous financial donations from people (more than coins). However, saying that, I encouraged a lot of them to donate online themselves, so that could be exactly what happened. A colleague was teaching me how to market it, entice them into giving (uugh!). I already made tax deductibility a selling point, to encourage action. So far I've collected less than $30 from a floor of more than 100 people. On a positive note, a friend told me in her (much smaller) organisation people fasted for one day and/or donated the money they would have spent on lunch and/or on their break. Collected more than $500 in one day.

... We people are such mixed bags of generous, selfish and in-betweens.

(Photo : Erik De Castro/Reuters)

Saartjie Baartman

I finally finished viewing the Sarah Baartman story. It was an immensely difficult movie to watch, but one that needed to be seen fully. I could not recall any other movie where I was heartbroken and cried for one person the whole time I watched. I thought stopping and watching the rest of the film another day would make me stronger, but nothing could toughen me enough for how the movie related her life, and her after-life.

Even if the movie was sensationalised; or that millions of people dealt with what they or we considered to be worst sufferings, pains, violence, genocide, wickedness, indignity and dehumanity.... No comparison or opinion of relativity would lessen the impact and grief I felt for her.

I hope to never see her in any museum. Never for science.

I am deeply deeply sorry Saartjie.

Vulnerability

Perfect!!

I've been trying to finish my written ramblings about people's UNWILLINGNESS and AVERSION to VULNERABILITY for almost a year now, but my draft stayed as it is....

I should have known it'd be in TED, or that someone else had discussed it online :-). People such as this speaker whom had been seriously studying it. And she is spot on!! Listen to everything she said!!

Take note especially from 3:30mins....