This is my "will not blog" blog.... Because I want to rest. I want to curl up in bed and sleep. My mind is buzzing too fast though, so I am hopeful this exercise will block off my to-do lists and plans and calm me to zzzzzz....
I don't know how my super-human friends do it(!?!). On the surface they seem to be taking care of sooooh soo sooooh much more. They don't complain (much), and get on with "business". I don't necessarily wanna be like them, coz our interests and priorities are not similar. But in general, really, my super-friends, how do you do it, and still seize moments, and enjoy a balanced (love) life!!??
I.need.rest. I truly do. I have been functioning on 3-4 hours of sleep and a few catnaps for 2 months now. It does not feel healthy. I'm reminded even God rested for one day/ on the 7th day. He needs me strong and healthy. I need me strong and healthy. He has been giving me endurance, wisdom (hahahah, I initially wrote "wishdom", how accurate, lol!), and strength, to deal with hectic schedules and deadlines. I'm crazy organised. Sometimes so task-focused I am wary of making mistakes (as in neglecting to notice I am chasing the wrong outcomes). So, I am always reminding myself to heel or press my brakes; to assess my intentions; and converse with/listen to God to ensure my actions/decisions are oriented to what/where I feel pushed/pulled. Listening (much more) to God is newer to me. I listened differently in the past. Sometimes most goals are clear, other times not so. But I go off running again in faith and challenge, till the next brake.... :-).
[Note: Lotsa people commented that my expressions about God has changed in my writings - from simple mentions and "hints" years ago to full praising now. Very true :-), and a lot of my current activities are revolving around increasing my relationship with Jesus, letting God draw me close to Him. See previous post, "Spiritual" (kind of)... actually, you won't, coz the one I really mean is still in draft, ugh! So even if I am not explaining/writing them in, please know they are most present in my life. I'm a working progress. :-)]
Most activities I am doing feels necessary - work etc, organising self for trip, family etc, general business etc, visa application, travel medicine appointments, church etc, once per week at least of fitness (used to be minimum 2 sessions), home duties (cooking, cleaning, laundry, food shopping, etc). So many plans have been pushed aside (e.g. doing this instead of doing my tax return, or sleeping).
I think I am doing well prioritising use of my time, but not exemplary. Honestly, blogging is not important. Is writing here now really calming me, or could this moment be better spent?... This week, I also felt ashamed and in despair for not spending quality time with family.
[Note - thoughts side-tracked, again: Thankfully my love tank was filled again this weekend when I cooked an impromptu dinner after work for my sister and mother, when I found out they were close by! I did well, or I was amazed I actually had a good stock of food (this week anyway, lol) as I had no time to shop! I cooked lambchops (thinly sliced) with rosemary and thyme, sweet potatoes, cooked vegetable dish (European style), and spicy beef burger for my mom (when I realised she doesn't like lamb). I also almost whipped a really nice ice cream dessert, but they declined as it was late-ish (after 9pm), and mommy still had a long journey home to do. I smiled later in the night, when I remembered my mom's reaction while she looked at what I prepared and realised I could actually cook a nice feast, hahahah. It was the first time I cooked (a full meal) for her, I think.... FYI, my natural declaration is, "I can't cook", when I should really say, "I don't like to cook/ I get stressed when I cook". My bad.... Lately though, I am less/not stressed. This family dinner, I even 'suggested' to do it, in an effort to spend time with (show love to) my family.]
Back to the topic of RESTING!...
Expert help may be used to free up more of my time, if possible (e.g. give up doing my own simple tax return and pass it back to my accountant; or eat out/take away instead of food shopping, cooking/stressing, cleaning). I believe/like the idea of paying someone else to do chores/tasks others will perform faster, if it means freeing (quality) time to use more wisely. But I'm resisting 'outsourcing' for now (e.g getting laundry service, or calling my accountant), coz for now it feels time-pressure problems could be solved by more multi-tasking, or being more cutthroat in removing non-essential habits (like blogging weekly-ish).
[Third Note, lol: The problem with running myself on "hot" for longer periods; or on half-capacity when my mind is absolutely "fried"; or spreading myself thin, in an effort to make my efficiency/effectiveness last longer, is reduction in quality of my output.... Did I just really describe myself like a business system??! :-) Typical, lol..... Anyway, I don't like this "dear journal" business. Look how convoluted my topics are!?! Yet these last few entries reads too much like such, ugh. And this blog is now tooooo loooong....]
So, I'm gonna use this as a reminder list, if I do not blog "regularly". I really want to blog about role models/mentors; about giving/giver; 2 "love" stories; and polish off to share the 3-5 stories I wrote between July and September.
Now, signing off. Gotta take that needed nap. Deep breaths, winding down.... Hhhhhmmmm :-)))....
....ACK! Then a text message arrived! My friend who is preparing the donated laptops (downloaded programs, bug fixes, etc) is around the corner! Must get up again, get changed, yada-yada.... Not rest. Ugh! ;-)
I don't know how my super-human friends do it(!?!). On the surface they seem to be taking care of sooooh soo sooooh much more. They don't complain (much), and get on with "business". I don't necessarily wanna be like them, coz our interests and priorities are not similar. But in general, really, my super-friends, how do you do it, and still seize moments, and enjoy a balanced (love) life!!??
I.need.rest. I truly do. I have been functioning on 3-4 hours of sleep and a few catnaps for 2 months now. It does not feel healthy. I'm reminded even God rested for one day/ on the 7th day. He needs me strong and healthy. I need me strong and healthy. He has been giving me endurance, wisdom (hahahah, I initially wrote "wishdom", how accurate, lol!), and strength, to deal with hectic schedules and deadlines. I'm crazy organised. Sometimes so task-focused I am wary of making mistakes (as in neglecting to notice I am chasing the wrong outcomes). So, I am always reminding myself to heel or press my brakes; to assess my intentions; and converse with/listen to God to ensure my actions/decisions are oriented to what/where I feel pushed/pulled. Listening (much more) to God is newer to me. I listened differently in the past. Sometimes most goals are clear, other times not so. But I go off running again in faith and challenge, till the next brake.... :-).
[Note: Lotsa people commented that my expressions about God has changed in my writings - from simple mentions and "hints" years ago to full praising now. Very true :-), and a lot of my current activities are revolving around increasing my relationship with Jesus, letting God draw me close to Him. See previous post, "Spiritual" (kind of)... actually, you won't, coz the one I really mean is still in draft, ugh! So even if I am not explaining/writing them in, please know they are most present in my life. I'm a working progress. :-)]
Most activities I am doing feels necessary - work etc, organising self for trip, family etc, general business etc, visa application, travel medicine appointments, church etc, once per week at least of fitness (used to be minimum 2 sessions), home duties (cooking, cleaning, laundry, food shopping, etc). So many plans have been pushed aside (e.g. doing this instead of doing my tax return, or sleeping).
I think I am doing well prioritising use of my time, but not exemplary. Honestly, blogging is not important. Is writing here now really calming me, or could this moment be better spent?... This week, I also felt ashamed and in despair for not spending quality time with family.
[Note - thoughts side-tracked, again: Thankfully my love tank was filled again this weekend when I cooked an impromptu dinner after work for my sister and mother, when I found out they were close by! I did well, or I was amazed I actually had a good stock of food (this week anyway, lol) as I had no time to shop! I cooked lambchops (thinly sliced) with rosemary and thyme, sweet potatoes, cooked vegetable dish (European style), and spicy beef burger for my mom (when I realised she doesn't like lamb). I also almost whipped a really nice ice cream dessert, but they declined as it was late-ish (after 9pm), and mommy still had a long journey home to do. I smiled later in the night, when I remembered my mom's reaction while she looked at what I prepared and realised I could actually cook a nice feast, hahahah. It was the first time I cooked (a full meal) for her, I think.... FYI, my natural declaration is, "I can't cook", when I should really say, "I don't like to cook/ I get stressed when I cook". My bad.... Lately though, I am less/not stressed. This family dinner, I even 'suggested' to do it, in an effort to spend time with (show love to) my family.]
Back to the topic of RESTING!...
Expert help may be used to free up more of my time, if possible (e.g. give up doing my own simple tax return and pass it back to my accountant; or eat out/take away instead of food shopping, cooking/stressing, cleaning). I believe/like the idea of paying someone else to do chores/tasks others will perform faster, if it means freeing (quality) time to use more wisely. But I'm resisting 'outsourcing' for now (e.g getting laundry service, or calling my accountant), coz for now it feels time-pressure problems could be solved by more multi-tasking, or being more cutthroat in removing non-essential habits (like blogging weekly-ish).
[Third Note, lol: The problem with running myself on "hot" for longer periods; or on half-capacity when my mind is absolutely "fried"; or spreading myself thin, in an effort to make my efficiency/effectiveness last longer, is reduction in quality of my output.... Did I just really describe myself like a business system??! :-) Typical, lol..... Anyway, I don't like this "dear journal" business. Look how convoluted my topics are!?! Yet these last few entries reads too much like such, ugh. And this blog is now tooooo loooong....]
So, I'm gonna use this as a reminder list, if I do not blog "regularly". I really want to blog about role models/mentors; about giving/giver; 2 "love" stories; and polish off to share the 3-5 stories I wrote between July and September.
Now, signing off. Gotta take that needed nap. Deep breaths, winding down.... Hhhhhmmmm :-)))....
....ACK! Then a text message arrived! My friend who is preparing the donated laptops (downloaded programs, bug fixes, etc) is around the corner! Must get up again, get changed, yada-yada.... Not rest. Ugh! ;-)
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