I don't know how to talk about what I'm trying to convey, without sounding "trippy".... Though I blog I usually find it difficult to explain things.... There are these strong feelings of... I guess I can call it 'peace' and acceptance... that comes over me, and I am always amazed by it (and grateful). Every so often, I realise I am not afraid. Or the feeling of fear makes me bold and stand firm, but in peace, not to battle. That I know everything is and will be alright.
It's not a new feeling. I think I had it even when I was much younger. I thought it was learned confidence, as I fretted less when I accepted whatever came my way or as I changed situations into (more) positive and better experiences.
I lost a lot of it while I travelled.
I was fine on my own. Wonderful travels, and worthwhile interactions with people with genuine or positive intentions; made me blossom. I always thanked God while I appreciated and loved life. But as I expressed in previous blogs, I was not prepared for the onslaught of "other" people with hidden agendas and evil or wickedness in their character (strong words, judgmental vs accurate, but very close descriptions to what comes to my mind when I think of them).
Ack!... I started writing about the negative experiences/observations and the lessons I learned. But those stories will not be told here. I'm not comfortable, even if only in writing, to describe in detail the people involved in the unsavoury colours I see/saw them as. Because individually, they were really 'only human', still with many good qualities, even well-liked by me and a lot of people (it was those good qualities that lured me in). But as a group, WOW!, they fertilised and supported/encouraged each other's wickedness and evil intents. They reasoned the other was/is worse than them (so they feel closer to being angels, or being lesser evils). Open rebuke and careful reprieve did not faze them, uncaring/indifferent about the pain they caused many people. But I am still hopeful and prayerful that they change/d and not damage/d more people. I haven't forgotten their good/great qualities. I know they can be actively good/better if they consciously decide to be. I can pray for them from far, as it is wisdom to stay away.
I'm glad I did not fall too deeply in their lair, and was not destroyed by it. I value the remnants of the choking fear I feel, when I remember how close I was to being trapped/changed in their company (or by one of them). Straight after the fear, I am reminded how much wiser I am now and how great it is that they are no longer affecting my life. They joy, calm and relief I feel to be free is enormous in comparison!! :-)
Therefore, I know, now, even though this feeling of 'peace' emanates from an unlikely place... that everything is and will be alright!! :-)))
It's not a new feeling. I think I had it even when I was much younger. I thought it was learned confidence, as I fretted less when I accepted whatever came my way or as I changed situations into (more) positive and better experiences.
I lost a lot of it while I travelled.
I was fine on my own. Wonderful travels, and worthwhile interactions with people with genuine or positive intentions; made me blossom. I always thanked God while I appreciated and loved life. But as I expressed in previous blogs, I was not prepared for the onslaught of "other" people with hidden agendas and evil or wickedness in their character (strong words, judgmental vs accurate, but very close descriptions to what comes to my mind when I think of them).
Ack!... I started writing about the negative experiences/observations and the lessons I learned. But those stories will not be told here. I'm not comfortable, even if only in writing, to describe in detail the people involved in the unsavoury colours I see/saw them as. Because individually, they were really 'only human', still with many good qualities, even well-liked by me and a lot of people (it was those good qualities that lured me in). But as a group, WOW!, they fertilised and supported/encouraged each other's wickedness and evil intents. They reasoned the other was/is worse than them (so they feel closer to being angels, or being lesser evils). Open rebuke and careful reprieve did not faze them, uncaring/indifferent about the pain they caused many people. But I am still hopeful and prayerful that they change/d and not damage/d more people. I haven't forgotten their good/great qualities. I know they can be actively good/better if they consciously decide to be. I can pray for them from far, as it is wisdom to stay away.
I'm glad I did not fall too deeply in their lair, and was not destroyed by it. I value the remnants of the choking fear I feel, when I remember how close I was to being trapped/changed in their company (or by one of them). Straight after the fear, I am reminded how much wiser I am now and how great it is that they are no longer affecting my life. They joy, calm and relief I feel to be free is enormous in comparison!! :-)
Therefore, I know, now, even though this feeling of 'peace' emanates from an unlikely place... that everything is and will be alright!! :-)))
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