Brother

Today we are celebrating my brother's birthday.

I want to give him something, but I don't know what.... I'm gonna take the easy way out and hand him cash in an envelope.

But that's not enough. It does not communicate how much I love him. He knows because I tell him every chance I could. That, too, is still not enough.

He is a very private and very quiet man, so I will not share much.

I am thankful for his presence in my life. He does not ask much, yet so generous of anything he can give. He does not say much, but he thinks and cares for us - burdened with love/worry for (five, but mostly) four women in his family who are too free-spirited, (non)emotional, and flighty (direction-less?).

Even though we were only 3 years apart in age, and we fought as kids, he has been the figure of what a father could be to me, but still acting only as a brother, with distance/space and, a gentle and wise heart.

My girl friends from my teens love him. We used to look for him in parties and clubs, because just seeing/knowing he was present in those venues made us younglings feel safe. I was proud of him, but I don't remember telling him then :-/.

I miss sharing his clothes. I was a tomboy growing up, so every so often I'd see him wearing my shirt etc, but mostly I was taking his, hahahah. Occasionally, I still check out his shirts, wondering if he could hand-them-down to me :-).

In high school, he taught me how to be aware of my surroundings and how to assess situations. I thought I didn't pay much attention, but surprisingly the lessons stuck. I'm sure a lot of my risk assessment skills came from him. I was in tense situations, at work and while travelling, and those intelligent skills he passed on were used many times. Sometimes I'd see the "moves/decisions" in action/political movies, and I'd automatically think, "hah, my brother would be like that" or "my brother said that!".

Now we are older, trying to make sense and add meaning to our lives. I know the responsibilities he has assumed on himself being now the eldest son. I take advantage of being youngest/r. I cannot change my personality and how I embrace life. I would always worry him. I wish he doesn't, because my other sisters and mom are a handful too as we live amok. But I am touched and warmed by his love, so I welcome it.

I am thankful he has been blessed with a great family. I love his wife (and her family) and his children. I see his soul and his qualities in the kids. Coupled with his wife's, and their guidance, I know the kids will be great adults.

Thank you for being you, quirks and all. I appreciate everything you've done for me and will do for me. I love you so very very very much. None of my actions nor words could ever express it enough. But I will try.

Happy birthday Dihya.