Inactive and Unproductive

For about 2 months now (60 days!) I was forced to adjust my lifestyle due to an ankle injury.

Here's a quick breakdown of the activities I had to quit:

• Weekly: Boxercise, Gym Circuit, and Krav Maga x2
• Fortnightly to monthly swimming lessons with the goal to learn skills needed to swim strongly at sea with people around me, to assess if I could join a triathlon. We/I aimed for Ironman, but would need to compete in smaller events first to qualify.
• Swimming (tender scar tissue concerns, etc)
• Dragonboating practice (1-2 weekly) to prepare for April 2013 competition
• Training for Tough Mudder event this weekend (Jan 2013)
• Bicycling, to learn skills for Ironman etc, for fun, and prepare for the Great Victorian Bike Ride to be held in November 2013
• Horseback-riding, for fun and grace ;-)
• Golf, because I thought I was "mellowed" and "calm" enough now to give it a second chance....??? :-)
• Cooking (I could not shop for inspiration and to buy the ingredients I needed; and still uncomfortable to linger/stand in the kitchen)
• Photography lessons (a whim, since I am surrounded by avid photographer friends)
• Ukelele/Guitar lessons (not to pursue the art, I just want to look cool, hahahah!)

Gosh! It does seem like a lot.... I can imagine some friends getting tired just imagining all those exercises!!!??! But for me, when I do them, they are manageable....

I also had these other commitments that were much affected or were not performed:

• Work (Quite busy, complex and brain-demanding roles, I was away for several weeks!)
• Online "Teaching English as a Foreign Language" Course to complete (150hrs+ left to do plus assignment and final assessment, not attempted)
• Mentoring (fortnightly, we met once)
• Church (I do like to go every Sunday, not for the practice, but for the teachings. I write notes and reflect.)
• This blog (it takes time and concentration to post/waffle)
• Relational stuff. People need our time and attention. There's not enough time in a day for everyone and myself.
• Volunteer service (they never felt like work)
• Books and notes to read, for studies and for relaxation

I managed a few inspired cooking. I struggled yet finished reading about 4 books. When friends could pick me up I went to church or went out to socialise. I was grateful for the distractions and interactions, but all efforts were still physically and mentally tiring. I attended my medical appointments, which tired-knocked me out each time. I have just started going back to work (ugh!), but today I had to take a sick leave again, my ankle in pain/swollen from yesterday's treatment, gggrrrr!

I sound like I'm whining because I am. I feel inactive and unproductive. Physically the restrictions of my movement makes me feel very uneven. I feel gluggy and heavier, not because I put on more weight, but because only my arms and a leg are working out, lugging the rest of my body along. Everything takes three to four times longer!  I am tired but I am not getting the "rush" I used to get after a good workout. Just always tired....

I feel like I am "behind schedule", even though I was living a "no plans" life. I opened myself up to being lead to a different role, which presented these commitments I thought I was meant to participate in. But I suddenly feel unfruitful or blocked in those areas. I do not have the drive and mental strength to study or work further than my employment, too caught up with trying to rest at the end of the day. I end up staying in bed, which is great and relaxing for a few days/weeks... but unhealthy, more tiring, and makes me too lazy after a while.

My friends says it is a sign to slow down. To readjust my lifestyle. The thing is, I was much happier when I was busy and getting things done. There was nothing to readjust. I balanced life well. And when I didn't, I re-examined my activities and prioritised more on the commitments. My physical activities, though they seemed action-packed and strenuous, gave me the energy to attempt/perform my studies, services and commitments.

I am learning to adapt to my situation, peeling off old perspectives and how I measured activity and productivity. I prayed for my five (guidance, wisdom, strength, courage, serenity/peace) and continued opening myself up to challenges and changes. I was presented with other opportunities. Alone I feel incapable but with/for God I am encouraged. I could see the lessons and experiences I would learn from them in tune to my future and preparing me. I am complaining still, but I started to understand the value of this temporary state. A friend said even though I am lame, I am not an idle worker. Encouraging, hahahah.

Focusing on the bigger plan, not mine, I have accepted that I may not finish the English Teaching course. My ego initially could not handle the failure. I never/rarely failed when the outcomes were positive or advantageous. But I am certain my concentration is being diverted to other challenges/opportunities, so I (my ego) yielded. Saying that, the Miss-Can-Do-It-All in me has not given up "the fight"...ack... but this personal whim will be secondary. It's not even failure, really, just choices. Realignment of decisions and choices. :-)

With regards the lack of exercise, I refused to rut. It's important that I maintain a healthy and strong body for as long as I can, to do my/our work and share life. I spoke to my sports physiotherapists yesterday. They've convinced me enough that I need to stop using my foot/ankle to let the other tissues heal/stiffen up. With a very back-to-basics "exercise regime" in place for the ankle, I will hopefully be at least in top (though no longer perfect) form. I was also given a go-ahead to exercise the rest of my body in any way I can BUT off my left foot and wearing the CAM boot! Lifting weights and cautious stationary cycling were approved. I will be a funny sight, but it is just another challenge I am happy to face, just so I could be physically active again. :-)