Fasting

Two years ago, while in Egypt, I decided to fast for 10 days during Ramadan. I was doing it out of curiosity, as a social experiment, not for religious reason. I wanted to understand what the locals were going through.  It was my first time to fast fully – no water and no food from sunrise to sunset. When I thought back, I don’t know how I survived it. I walked, snorkelled and swam for hours during the day in the heat(!); my mouth was always salty from the sea, and my body burnt a lot of energy.

It was a really good experience. Pity I didn’t journal. I just went through the motions. From around the 5th day when locals found out I hadn’t given up, they started inviting me to “break fast” with them at sunset. They noticed I was losing a lot of weight, so they also shared to me tips on how to eat properly and healthily. It was serene to walk outside at 3am or 4am to eat a meal quietly before sunrise, on my own or with locals.

Bless their hearts, I know now but I didn’t at the time... but they were accommodating enough to not (embarrass me) let me know… coz they did not want to discourage the fact that I tried…. I was doing so many things wrong. I heard the men were not to look at women in the eyes, so I did not get offended and tried to limit talking to the Muslim men during the day (waited til night). But I didn’t know it was to resist temptation or to remove “impurities” in their thoughts. Women were meant to help the men by dressing modestly, while they too deal with impurities in their thoughts. I walked around in my swimwear/little clothes, frolicked, romanced the place, and sunbaked half-naked. I showed up to breaking of fast wearing shorts and singlet, or looked sunkissed-fabulous. I don’t even know if I was meant to mingle with them at night, but they were so glad to know I was fasting with them, that they took me in. They understood I was still a tourist.

In the end I understood during the fast that life is simple. We don’t need a lot. I appreciated much, especially kindness and relationships/brotherhood.
On the negative side, I remember the generally well-mannered Egyptians (men) became hotheaded after a week. It was obvious they were suffering from not being able to smoke (marijuana, etc) and struggling with being pure. It was only during Ramadan did I hear shoutings and altercations.

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Last year, I decided to try it again, but that time in a non-Muslim country, my home. Again as a curious social experiment, though I could have made it religious as I was more spiritual and having a closer relationship with God. Instead I kept very quiet of the fact that I was fasting, to avoid having to explain my reasons at work and outside work.

Below are some of what I wrote:

1 August 2011

First day of fasting is already VERY hard. I felt every single hour. It's 5.14pm now. I'm writing this to distract me from staring down the clock - counting every second! Sunset will be at 5:33pm. I'm hungry but not overtaken by thoughts of eating. I can last til later tonight. But water! I don’t know if I'm really too thirsty or I am only craving something (water) that is not allowed.

2 August 2011

Ack! I went for a walk lunchtime to keep myself busy and stop thinking of water. I ended up in a supermarket to check out a few things. I forgot about the fast and tried a cherry! I didn’t even realise until I was walking back to work. I guess at least it wasn’t intentional. Will try to be more conscious.

3 August 2011

Dinner in a restaurant with 3 generations of women in my family. Hard to stick to “fasting diet”. Being “alone” doing this fast is much harder now, compared to doing it with the community last year. I wonder how the Muslims are coping, with their non-Muslim colleagues not really understanding, and still being exposed to the “temptations of the world”. I guess they are experiencing the reverse of what the Christians are experiencing in Muslim world, where food shops and drinks are closed during the day, and people are frowned upon for drinking water or eating in public. Oh! I remembered parading in a train station with my 2 litre water bottle drinking in front of everyone continuously coz it was so hot! Ack! It didn’t occur to me til months later how hard/rude it must have been for the Muslims to see me then. A mother approached me asking me to give her very young son some water, which I obliged to do, and recalled he drank so much. But even then I didn’t understand (that maybe the little boy saw me with the water and made him hungry for a drink, ugh!).

4 August 2011

Going to a dinner tonight for (sister-in-law’s aunt’s) birthday. It will be after 6pm so I won’t need to explain anything. The ski trip at the end of the month will be interesting. Two or three nights of the trip is still within the fasting month. I havent decided if I would continue this for a month. But for now, fasting is set only for 10 days, like last year.

8 August 2011

I'm actually quite baffled by my cravings and thirst. I coped much better last year in Dahab - in hot weather, active (snorkelling, swimming, walking, etc), and unprepared. I attended a cross circuit session (a tenth of the activities I did daily in Dahab) in the gym today, but mostly I only sat at my desk. At least my mouth did not end up salty due to seawater.

11 August 2011

Did a cross-training circuit with 3 other ladies in the gym today and health appraisal on Monday. Continuing the fast, maybe til the 14th to do 2 weeks, and it seems fitting to end it on a Sunday. There was an afternoon tea for me and other colleagues to welcome us (back) into the area with food (mine 9-10 months delayed, as I was only verbally welcomed in October, better late than never). I could not eat but thankfully I was also fasting for a health assessment (not really, too early), so I only mentioned that reason. I wanted to keep my continuous fasting private at work.

14 August 2011

I have fasted several times before since. But times were always set (for example, from 6am to 6pm). And water was allowed. I was curious as to the effect of not drinking while fasting, so I decided to try it out for 10 days last year. I also wanted to understand Ramadan, a huge part of the Muslim culture. I do not follow the religion, but I knew from experience, the best way to understand is to go through it too (safely, not watching from outside, or similar to having empathy instead of sympathy). It was fascinating! I remember how life and my needs felt much simpler; and thoughts became clearer when I took away the water and lost control of the timing. I wasn’t even doing it properly (e.g. did not keep myself pure, walked around in bathing suit while fasting heheheh). I had no clue when sunset was so I had to rely on seeing others break their fast or from hearing the Islam prayer call. I also felt honoured when the locals invited me to join their sunset breakfasts (iftar) after they found out I was also fasting. There was something nice about being part of the community, the daily sharing of meals, being welcomed or allowed to peek into this part of their culture. They also taught me how to prepare for the fast early in the morning (suhoor) so that I do not go too hungry or too thirsty early in the day. I appreciated the experience. And it is a practice I decided to continue when/if I am fasting for my faith.... 5.32pm. Almost! Ugh hahahah! I am very aware of where my water bottle is now. I don’t think I reflected much today. Praying now for God's guidance before drinking the water. Thankful I had the discipline and the willpower to last today. TWO WEEKS!

  

15 August 2012

Sunrise earlier by a minute everyday!!! I’m more time aware now and it makes coping so much harder. Having set times to meet daily – waking up for work in time, lunchtime activities, meetings, appointments, etc. People inviting me for coffee or lunch and I can’t eat or drink, but I don’t tell them why! I feel weaker. My reaction a little slower, maybe it takes me longer/slower to process things....? Gym session was hard. NEED water!

  

20 August 2011
I was too sleepy to get up early to eat breakfast this morning. I drank a little bit of water and went back to sleep. I woke up 6.58am. Considered still squeezing a meal, sunrise at 7am. Did not do it, just took a few gulps of water. Now, it's 10.42am, my stomach is growling and my mouth is already dry. I only had a few pieces of sushi last night. My mom fried some chicken and rice for me to eat later, but I pushed eating it for breakfast, thinking I would have time. I had some sweet cake which is probably why I am thirsty now. Forgot to drink milk.

  

25 August 2011

Finished my gym workout. I did not want to stop my normal routine. I gurgled water midway, but made sure I didn’t drink any. The hardest part is my throat being really coarse. Second is my mouth feeling dry. Third worrying that my breath is stale or smelly!??! Ugh! Going to a dinner tonight. It will be after 6pm again, so after sunset. May not do full month of fasting.

  

28 August 2011
Ending my fast today. I don’t know why I bothered to do it for a month(ish). Bullheadedness was one reason, not backing out of a challenge. I did not get the same experience. The 10 days last year was more worthwhile. I did not get clarity, but I found out my willpower is tenacious! To a fault? It feels mostly pointless to do it this long, unless maybe if done for spiritual reason. But people really shouldn’t fast unless they feel a compulsion. And if it is for a health fast, call it so. BUT, be careful, you could do more harm than good. And maybe don’t stop drinking water.

  

29 August 2011

I had to remind myself I’m not fasting anymore. I don’t think I lost weight. If anything I may have messed up my burning rate, coz my body slowed down thinking it is starving. Ugh! Hope it does not affect my strength and stamina for the snowboarding trip. I feel very weak.