Right Kind Of Fear

Mid-afternoon. The temperature still hot after the rain. Sweat immediately formed on my brow and neck. Living in a village along the Amazon river in Para, Brazil.

My small group of 4 (two foreigners and two translators) were ready to go back to our “home” while in this small community. We finished our house visits on a good note – chatting, praying, and impromptu singing (to pass the time during the downpour, and because the grandmother in the house we took refuge in missed singing in church, but she was too old to walk to it now). We also finished 15 minutes earlier than we planned to head back.

We found out there was another house further along the track, but our local guide was hesitant to take us there. We were told the owner had a mean dog that bit people, and the path was dangerous and far. Those information, the weather, our tiredness with hunger, and the guide’s lack of enthusiasm would have been enough for us to turn back. The translator, Brew (not his real name), and I were afraid of dogs, especially mean ones that bit people. We both did not want to be bitten in the jungle where there was no access to rabies vaccines (I’m not protected)!! We did not want to die from it.

However, Brew and I felt we were still meant to go there. He also agreed that an impression of growing fear suddenly took over us. Different to gut instinct, it did not feel natural. It was heavy.... When we stepped out of the grandmother's house I noticed my left ankle suddenly felt weak with a slight throbbing pain. Weird since it had been over six months since I last felt pain on that injury! Someone prayed for my ankle and I believe I got healed (all pains disappeared in a couple of days). I took care of my steps still, but I mostly forgot the injury because my ankle felt strong.

The other two members of our team did not seem to notice anything different. One looked like he was asleep upright, a heavy feeling of sleep overcame him! Praying to God for discernment, I unsurely decided we were being attacked in the spiritual realm. God has never used fear to alter my behavior or values before. So I rebuked all the negatives that suddenly occurred in Jesus’ name.

I was braver (aka crazier) and more persuasive than Brew, so we decided to keep walking as safely as possible. We prayed as we walked single file and sang praise songs softly – myself second behind the local guide, Brew behind me.

similar to the bull mentioned...! :-)

Along the way I cried out when I suddenly felt a bite on my left ankle!! It was super painful, but I did not see what bit me!!??! There was no snake around us, thankfully! But what bit me!!??! Was it poisonous?? We saw giant ants earlier in the area (everywhere!), so I deduced (forced myself to believe) it must have been one of those ants. I refused to stop walking, though I cried inside. I fought the urge of fear or pain, and continued prayer walking.

Then the local guide in front of me stopped. Brew translated that the bull in front of us was known to be violent. Even though it was tied, the rope was long enough that the bull could still reach us if we decided to cross. I continued praying to God to help us in that situation. I declared loudly (enough to be heard by the person behind me) if Jesus wanted us to go forward He will make a way for us. If not, it meant Brew and I misheard His prompting and we would accept God correcting our course.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” - Psalm 56:3

A man appeared from the corner on the right side of the field. I looked back at Brew, and we smiled anxiously at each other. It wasn’t the owner, but he was able to hold on to the bull while we all rushed past. I felt more sure (but still unsure) that we were meant to go to the house at the end of the path (and that something was trying to stop us).

A sample of the wooden planks we walked on.

We walked the wooden planks zigzagging the jungle plants around us. As we got closer to the house, I felt the heaviness of our environment started lifting. The air felt… lighter (as in colour) and cleaner. I continued praising God but I had not forgotten a mean dog still waited for us, worried that it would bark and attack! Though I prayed for God to keep my ankle strong and my feet fast, there was not enough space on the wooden plank for me to run past Brew (ack, hahahah!!!) Unless I pushed him off the trail, which honestly, I considered!! ;-))))

My knees felt weak as we called out to the owner of the house from a distance, while I wildly scanned the area for any sign of animal!! By this time my imagination was going berserk, I thought chickens could also painfully attack!


“Jesus got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  Jesus said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” - Mark 4:39-40

The owner invited us in. The dog was caged (unseen). The translators spoke to the people in the house, introductions were exchanged as the owners showed us around their home. It was clean, well-maintained and beautiful.

While we lingered on the pier behind their house, Brew approached me and said he noticed a huge change in the environment. It was bright and welcoming! We were getting excited because our “antennas” were buzzing! We knew we just overcame an obstacle, and we were sent there specifically, but we still didn’t know why!

In constant prayer, I explained to Brew I believed we were meant to share the beatitudes. He did not know what the beatitudes were but he said he was thinking of people without parental/spiritual guidance; old people (like the widowed grandma we sang for), those whom were feeling isolated/hopeless. I smiled!! Could not contain my excitement as I showed him the beatitudes verses talked about those same groups of people!!

As time passed, we found out that the family were born-again Christians too. They actually prayed that we would visit their home that day! Brew and I felt emboldened to share the message we felt we were meant to pass on to them. As more details revealed, we confirmed with them were they felt they were being lead to step into leadership. Traditions in small villages such as these sometimes limit people to step into roles that were not given to them by persons of authority. We spoke about all of us being part of the body of Christ, all equally important. We spoke about the details for their next ministry. It was such an encouraging time for all of us. At the least for myself and Brew! We all prayed together, praised and thanked our amazing God, interceded for their community, and prayed for each other.

I was in tears as we walked home! I could not stop crying and smiling!! A truly unforgettable experience to be used so intimately, undeniably and strongly by God!!! I was speechless, and so grateful, for God teaching me the right kind of fear – to fear not my situations; but to walk in fear (also known as “in awe/reverence”) of the Lord!!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7

Postscript:

On our way out of the village, our boat stopped by this house. I don’t know why the local lady who was with us on the boat did it. Maybe she heard the story. She was looking at me funny the whole voyage. Anyway, I saw the dog on the pier. It was a mean-looking terrier or a bull mastiff. The team warned me when I jumped off our boat to the pier to hug goodbye the family. The dog was walking so calmly and relaxed. It looked friendly. The owners said it was friendly. But as I was stepping back into the boat, the dog started walking towards me. I heard people in the boat panicking, raised high-pitched voices, rushing me into the boat! I did not want to test fate!! I ran and jumped into the boat, then smiled at the owners sheepishly flustered, hahahah!

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Lord you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” - Psalm 23:4