Seven Things Jesus Said On The Cross

I am sharing here notes and reflections I wrote during the Good Friday service (this year) in my church. It is not complete as I was listening and crying a lot, but hopefully it is enough to enrich us, to reflect on, or to dig into to understand it more. People have asked for a copy of my notes every time I mentioned it. May you also be stimulated by it.

The seven things Jesus said on the cross. Also known as His last words before physical death.

1. 

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

- Luke 23:34 New International Version (NIV) -

• Instead of praying for himself, Jesus forgave and prayed for his enemies.
• Learn to look at anyone not beyond prayer.

2. 

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

- Luke 23:42-43 NIV - 

• Good Friday is Jesus dying on the cross for our salvation.
• Jesus was not alone, on cross with two other thieves.
• One of the thieves understood about life after the physical one (in heaven).
• Believing and putting faith in Jesus, the thief was given the promise of eternal life.

3. 

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

- John 19:25-27 NIV -

• It is believed that the disciple mentioned was Peter.
• Jesus was saying to Mary, "I am no longer your son". Peter from then took his (human) place.
• Jesus still provided to Mary - as she was physically losing her son, she was provided for with another. God is good.
• Mary was then to regard Him as her Saviour and her Lord.
• Mary lost an irreplaceable son but gained an incomparable Saviour!

4. 

From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).

- Matthew 27:45-54 NIV -

• Jesus quoted Psalm 22:1-2

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?    Why are you so far from saving me,    so far from my cries of anguish?My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,    by night, but I find no rest.

• Jesus quoted this:

• To fulfil the prophecy.
•  Because it was what he was experiencing when he took mankind's sins.

• ... I pictured Jesus crying out to God loudly in immeasurable pain and agony, when he finally experienced how it felt to be cut off and what it meant to be separated from the Father. It was too painful to imagine, for Jesus was always in the presence of the Father. It must have felt like DEATH as he paid for our sins.... I felt wretched death as I sat there and it was excruciatingly painful. Jesus carried it ALL for us in obedience.
• ... Someone (days later) mentioned to me Jesus possibly spoke Aramaic specifically so the Pharisees could understand him, but not the commoners, because it was an elite language....
• Possible, I also thought maybe it was because Jesus was talking as a man directly to God, so he spoke out in the tongue he used to communicate to the Father. Similar to how we speak to God privately with our most painful and vulnerable cries.... I lately did not have the words to convey well what's in my heart and/or mind in our conversations, so I spoke in private tongue only us/He could understand.

5. 

Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.”

- John 19:28 NIV -

• The last word of any dying man comes from the heart.
• How could a God who can create all things cry out, "I thirst!"?
• It showed Jesus became fully human while carrying our sins. While a man, Jesus felt extreme physical thirst to take on, carry and suffer for humanity's sins.
• Note before crucifixion Jesus declined (recorded in Matthew 27:34) the drink with vinegar offered by Roman soldiers to help dull the pain and lessen his physical suffering. There's also no record of him accepting the offer of same drink while he hung on the cross (see Luke 23:36).
• Jesus embodied more than the physical pain. He also shared mankind's agony and spiritual separation from God.
• ... I kept thinking of 'He gives me Living Water and I thirst no more'.... or John 4:14 where Jesus said, "...but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." It made me picture Jesus again cut off from God to carry our sins and it hurt!! I felt intense pain and intense gratefulness.
• ... I thought of Jesus thirsting for us (believers of God) mentally. He was alone, spiritually thirsty and in need of fellowship and of God's presence. In his continuous act of love he thirsted for us so that in our salvation we no longer have to thirst.
• ... I saw Jesus even in his last stage and in extreme agony, with a fully alert mind. Everything he did in obedience to God was already finished, yet he still fulfilled another prophecy. Tonight, I found out what that prophecy was (Psalm 69:21, NIV):

They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.

• What fascinated me is that this specific vinegar drink was there ready to fulfil this scripture. God works amazingly in all situation that sinful mankind unknowingly fulfilled the prophecy! God also uses those who opposes and/or are against him according to his perfect plan!
• I remember being shocked when one of the readers asked the question if God looked away in disgust when Jesus was being forsaken (because of our wicked sins). This confirmed to me that the Father was with Jesus the whole time. Jesus depended on God to provide him the drink. He chose the right time to drink - not to satisfy himself (his thirst), but instead to continue glorifying God.

6. 

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

- John 19:30 NIV -

• John was the only one who recorded this shout of victory.
• For Jesus to muster up his pains and said it in a loud voice means it was a celebration and a significant event.
• Jesus fulfilled the Law by completing it in sinless life.
• Jesus completed the prophecy all the way to his last breath.
• Jesus defeated Satan and crushed Satan's death. Satan has no authority over us!
• What begun in the mind of God has now come to pass. God's righteous demand has been fulfilled. Praise God.

7. 

Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.

- Luke 23:46 NIV -

• Jesus is in total control of life and death. He laid down his own life to God.
• He said, as written in Psalm 31:5 (NIV):

Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.

• Jesus rests content because he has achieved. Forgiveness is now available.
• John 10 spoke of eternal life to those who listens to Jesus.
• The soldier who guarded Jesus, witnessed all that has happened, and saw how Jesus died exclaimed(!!), "Surely, this man was the son of God!" (Mark 15:39 and Matthew 27:54) - What is your response? - You pay or He paid?
• We believe not because we are dying but because we are moving from death to life.

Unconscious Fast

Today, two female friends giggled when they saw me preparing a 9.30am breakfast of steamed vegetables and dumplings. I excused it as an early brunch *wink*.... I mentioned to them I was actually not hungry, but I was very aware that I only ate once yesterday - a small late lunch, after having only hot chocolate in the morning. No cookies or other treats consumed alternatively.

I admitted my appetite has shrunk since last month. I ate more, with effort, when I was out with friends. I struggled to finish those meals. I don't think I am losing (much) weight, and they agreed. We put it down as a symptom of the stressful situations I am still handling. Then the conversation went something like:

Me: "I'm keeping an eye on it. I still have a lot of fat in my body I can use for energy (last time I checked I was 65-67kg, including muscle!! Heheheh).... As long as I don't go under 50kg, I should be okay."... (Then I explained to my new friend with a questioning look)... "I once weighed 48kg and I didn't think it was healthy. My friends said I looked great, but I think they were secretly worried. I felt good, and even believed I looked good, but I think it was too skinny for my height. So to take care, like today, I am forcing myself to eat, to give my body something to burn."

(New friend nodded and said something in agreement. Then I noticed my other friend with a goofy smile on her face. I passed on the questioning look to her.)

Friend: "I was just thinking about how I have never been over 50kg (she's smaller than me, and less active)...." (We laughed.)

Me: "That's okay, you can stay in that range of under 50... I'll take care of the over 50 zones." (More laughs then they left to do pilates training.)

I don't know, maybe it was only funny to us. It made me reflect on other conversations I had with male and female friends about (outward) beauty. I will share more about those later. For this post, I realised that:

• In lack of appetite, I am unconsciously fasting. I'm not eating my usual 3-5 meals per day.
• Our/my body's reaction could be far disconnected to our psychological well-being.

I will still say that I am at peace and trusting God's plans, protection and provision. It is well with my soul. I am okay :-). Currently awaiting the result for the most serious issue and awaiting to go through the others. They are all always in God's hand. I am just running the "race" as well as I could. Focused on the bigger pictures - keeping myself aligned to God's values, plan and commission ;-).

While waiting, my mentor and her husband told me to make sure I eat and rest; and to seek professional help if needed. I agreed. So far, so good :-).

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

- Isaiah 40:31 -

Most Precious Treasure

[Quick post, coz I'm actually getting ready to go somewhere!! I'm testing changing my routine, where hopefully it will lead to more (quality!?) posts.]

We've all been chasing various things and experiences to improve our lives, to make it more... meaningful... enjoyable... peaceful... exciting... loved... accepted... connected.

Blah blah blah you know what I'm talking about! ;-)

So we treasure those ownership and experiences. We say "mine", "I did it" and "I know" amongst many statements of achievements. And we plan to do more and find more. We (un)consciously create our identity through them. I know I personally cannot wait to explore more of our beautiful world; experience more of other cultures; and be with the man I would spend my life with; and God willing give birth. I am also proud of my work and my current achievements and identity. Those are mine, not achieved alone obviously, but mine nonetheless. I cannot (or will not) pass them on to you. Mine. :-)

It's different when it comes to Jesus. I strongly want to give/share Him with you. He is my biggest lifetime treasure, our Triune God - God the Father, God the son Jesus Christ, and the Spirit of God.

Naturally, because I love you (my friends, family, colleagues), I want to share with you my blessings and gains. I cannot quite enjoy my treasures fully when I know my love ones are denied of them, or do not have them. It is like I am eating the best meals at the dining table with you while you are only eating plain white bread. You may say it is your choice to eat plain bread, but in my head I am thinking "Why!!???". Share God's loving blessings with me! Because I know my treasure is good, I want you to know about it too and share the same experiences. I took great pains in ensuring that what I am sharing with you here now is not bad. As you know of my character and personality (pre-born-again-Christian),  I do not ever want to lead my love ones astray! I never like being a bad influence. I'm very responsible that way, and you my closest connections know this!! So naturally, for me to love all of you is to share with you what's most important to me. It is Jesus.

Even more, for God so love you, he gave you Jesus!!!

When I tell you that I love you, know that what I am telling you fully is that...

"God loves you. Jesus loves you. I love you."


“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
- Matthew 6:19-21 -

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
- John 3:16-17 -

Baptismal First Anniversary

It's been a year since I was baptised as a born-again Christian - 14 April 2013. This weekend was spent reflecting a lot on the events since then, my current situations, and wonderment for my year ahead.

I love and fear and worship God. My relationship with Jesus continues to mature. My understanding and relationship with the Holy Spirit (aka Spirit of God) has also opened up and is developing. My Bible is my favourite book for my Christ-centred life's questions and journeys. My prayer life is... amazing! I always felt embarrassed to pray outwardly, not sure if I'd ever get over that shyness and awkwardness. But private conversations with God, especially when... I can best describe as "being in the presence of the Trinity", is always overwhelmingly and abundantly filled with love, despite pains and rebukes, or needs of comfort.

Life is very blessed, many things to be thankful for. However, at the moment it is not easy. I'm even dealing with three very serious matters currently, with various affects to myself. Or, six to eight issues, if I include the resulting secondary effects I could think of that I also have to keep a handle of. Physically and/or naturally I am not coping as well as I thought I could - (near) tears regardless of time and location, anxieties, shakes/wobblies, self-denial, disbelief, dread, grief, tightness of chest, headaches, difficulty breathing, staring blankly into space, tiredness, lost of appetite, lack of sleep, and/or only want to sleep. All conditions are very frustrating because uncontrollable(!!!) human reactions I want to move on from, but they linger asking for attention and time. Spiritually, however, I really am otherwise happy and at peace with the fact that I know that God is in control, so I keep my focus on the Lord.

Despite those distractions and my state of affairs I am ready, willing to trust, and obeying, to continuously pass on His blessings to others, including to my adversaries. It is harder to give blessings to someone who wronged me though, not because I do not want to share, but because he/she do not want or do not trust to accept it. Or just hostile towards me. Also, to ensure my safety and wellbeing, God's blessings for them cannot come directly from me at the moment. God's using others, He is always pursuing us for our salvation. So, although I have to keep myself out of harm's way now, and go through the natural processes, I pray my adversary/ies will not be excluded from God's love/care by people around us, and that he/she will seek Jesus. I'm hoping people will reflect good grace to him/her against... bad.

IF(!) it is God's will, I will accept everything in gladness. I will explain the "IF" later, when I post disapprovingly about being on "cruise control", which is a rebuke that will also definitely apply to me.

How do I envision my year ahead? I do not know at the moment. Two of the serious matters will determine largely my path forward. Focusing on not just overcoming or surviving - instead excelling and/or winning each race or challenge - by ensuring that my motivations, inspirations, decisions and reactions are aligned to Kingdom living and values.

****************

I attached below a copy of my testimony last year:

I too experienced heartaches, neglects and disappointments. The hardest were my brother's death and when I held on to relationship with men whom I thought were godly and good. Still, my life was significant, fulfilled and blessed – good health and fitness; travels; work; great colleagues; supportive though worried family; and protective and encouraging friends.

My relationship with God was distant and one-sided. I really didn’t know Him, but I knew He was always there for me. As a child I was awkward, unsure, incapable and not confident. But knowing that God had my back even when he was testing me, disciplining me, or reprimanding me assured me to to move forward through the challenges even when I failed; and I gained confidence. I knew God loved me, and took care of me even when I disregarded Him. Years later, I became me… like a bullet train… unstoppable!

So what happened? Why change when life was great and even go through a baptism, especially when I didn’t care for it before…?

I had an unpleasant conversation with 3 missionary friends in Jerusalem in August 2010. I found out I had what I called a “Jesus Block”. I didn't want to pray to anyone else but God. So I didn’t worship Jesus even though I believed in Him, then I couldn’t have been a Christian. My going to church was therefore confused, because it seemed Christians always mentioned and worshipped Jesus more than God…??!! I didn’t want to pray to anyone else but God! I didn’t want to do things just because I learned to. I was confronted to “unlearn” and start from scratch.

I did that by speaking to God and I listened, which I wasn't really doing before. I got into the habit of reading my bible (and other books, just in case God was elsewhere). I searched for a healthy church and found [name omitted for privacy, thanks for the heads up G!]. I attended courses like Alpha to shake the foundations of my beliefs, Life Worth Living and Jesus Lifestyles to understand what being a true Christian means. I discussed the bible and attended several Christian and non-Christian events for perspectives; and sought discipleship. Within all that I changed. Instead of just words or an idea – the Trinity of God/Jesus/Holy Spirit started to make sense. It was clear.

Now, as I wrestle through many things and the order of my priorities and passions changed, I still continue to feel much release and joy and peace. I haven’t forgotten the problems around me. I still go through concerns, struggles and desires/wants/needs. But I have confidence that is more than from myself. There’s a part where me ends and God takes over. Psalm 23 was the answer to prayers on how to explain my relationship with God.

Shortened it says, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want…. He leads me… He refreshes my soul… He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake…. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me… comfort me…. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

God leads me. I always run ahead curious, willing and (un)knowing. I always have to press my brakes and look back, to see where I am and where He is. I keep on chasing, investigating, loving, experiencing, living life. I lose sight of God, I look for Him, and I head back (or walk forward) to be in His presence. We walk closely together again. He let's me move ahead confidently.... He leads me that way.

That’s why I am publicly declaring my devotion to be a witness for Christ and to accept in faith the transformation and the call to Kingdom living and values; and committing my life to His cause.

Top Tens - Autumn 2014

[I'm confused now when summer officially ended...? I'm also adding my top ten material wish list.]

Ten Things I Love/Appreciate

1. Love tight, long, bear-like hugs.

2. Appreciating exercise - not my usual crazy, bone-tiring ones... just active.

3. Home-cooked meals, thanks :-)

4. My mentor and her husband staying in my church for another year, at least.

5. Appreciating my spiritual peace. It was broadened then shaken last month, but I think despite myself still trying to understand my newer experiences, I am quite peaceful, accepting all with gladness because I listen, discern, believe and trust.

6. I'm still on "pause" spiritually, yet it is alright.

7. My female friends. And bestie with family.

8. Appreciating God's provisions of people helping to handle some serious issues.

9. Appreciating knowledge and understanding of different levels of battles and more about Jesus.

10. God's cover, answers, protection, armour, blessings, lessons, lovingkindness, authority.

Ten Things I Miss/Dislike

1. Missing tight, long, bear-like hugs.

2. My orchid plants died.

3. Too distracted to continue learning to play guitar, or to swim, or anything.

4. Dislike anxiety (physical can't sleep; mental can't stop thinking), when there was/is no need to worry.

5. Still missing two-hours of head-to-toe deep tissue or sports massage with scented oils.

6. Dislike dealing with serious issue, and that I cannot talk about it.

7. Dislike another issue I can talk about, but would prefer to handle quietly first.

8. Dislike being single, at the moment. But getting to know is nowadays too time consuming.

9. Miss travelling, going away to recharge (flight reaction for sure!)

10. That this post feels uninspired, skirting around topics I really want to discuss.... :-((

Ten Wishes/Prayers

1. For God's armour to always/daily cover me and family and friends, hedge of protection with the blood of Jesus (not literal for those who don't understand!).
2. To understand and be better equipped, about all I am learning now about the Holy Spirit and spiritual warfare.
3. For my family to each have a personal relationship with Christ.

4. To win. Overcome. Conquer. Lead. In Jesus name.

5. To start playing guitar again, hopefully I haven't forgotten too much. 

6. For my (and friends') relationship and friendships to be encouraging, strengthening, positive and protected.

7. That opportunities keeps coming and presenting itself; and that I respond rightly/appropriately, by taking them on, or saying no.

8. To learn how to plan and shop for food/groceries weekly, so I can be a better cook.

9. For my ankle to be healed strong, my core/stomach muscles to be strong, and my posture to improve.

10. For my (ad)ventures to be successful.

Ten Material Wish List ;-)

1. There's a property (properties!) in France I am looking at to buy. Next to the beach, away from Paris but a direct TGV train (approx 470kms away), behind it an old castle (what's left of it), 300 metres from the beach, walking distance from the main hubs so infrastructure/facilities are available. If I turn the attic into a room with balcony, I'm pretty sure it will have more than a little view of the sea. I can make myself afford the villa. I just don't know how i'll maintain it! This or any French property purchase will definitely be for keeps! <3
2. A tablet or an ipad. To use for video/photo processing and editing. I'm very tactile, I'd prefer to use my fingers than a mouse to do things.
3. If not above, a dual-sim phablet/phoblet/foblet(?).... you know which one I'm talking about.
4. More income-generating investments, so I can have my own place at home and my second home (see above, hahahah).
5. Folding hula hoops of various sizes. I used to be good at twirling them, good for core exercise.
6. Portable pole, yes for dancing and rotation/strength work. If you're imagining something close to porn or prostitution get your mind off the gutter. I found out how good an exercise routine it is in 2005.
7. My own potted herbs and vegetable garden.
8. Canon DSLR lenses, tripod, and equipment for lighting and studio photography.
9. A human/robot caddy to carry and take care of equipment above while I'm in my artistic zone ;-).
10. A moped.
11. It's almost winter! Thigh-high boots!!! <3 :-)
12. Long or oversized, thick, grandparents-style cardigan. Those ones that feel like I am getting hugged! <3 :-)

God's Quick Answers

I've had many experiences of God answering my prayers - filled with questions and requests. I've mostly only shared those stories in updates on my social network. I'm going to share a powerful and most recent one now (I've had more smaller blessings and confirmations since then).

I'm dealing with a horrible issue that required me to take a very serious action. On Sunday, instead of staying at home to focus on the overwhelming tasks involved, I decided to go to church, then concentrate on the paperwork afterwards. I had a lot of work and writing and research to do, yet I knew God was ultimately in control. That gave me peace.

I wasn't running away from the work. I also knew God is with me wherever I am. I did not need to go to church to earn "holy points" (we don't earn points or stack up righteousness from good works, a topic for later maybe). But getting closer to God through teachings, reflections and fellowships is important to me. That was my priority, more important than my anxieties.

I am most productive when alone in a peaceful and quiet environment. Such venues were obviously hard to find in the city centre. Home alone was the best place. Undeterred, while praying and heading to church, I sent out a question on a social network asking people to share with me their hidden spots in the city for quiet praise and purposeful work.

I continued my quiet conversation with God; asked for the Holy Spirit to guide me; placed all my worries in His hand; and prayed for his cover of protection, favour, blessing and divine direction. 

Walking through a main thoroughfare of a shopping centre to get to my church, already 10 minutes late, I felt a prompting. I noticed stairs as I walked past a restaurant. I kept walking but I felt the prompting again. So I stopped, turned around, looked up to the second floor balcony of a restaurant, and stopped in front of the lady I've never spoken to before. I asked her if the second floor will be open later. She said no, then asked for how many (willing to open it up for a group). I said only for myself. Within one second, did not have to think about it, she said yes. I said, great thank you! She said she was going to be very busy training two new wait staff, but look for her. She also added if she was not around she will tell the owner (gave me a name) that she said it was okay for me to use the upstairs. I thanked her again and left.

I rushed to church, reeling from what just happened!! God gave me a place to work! He immediately answered my prayers! Brimming with joy, I quickly shared the news on my social network. Then focused on the service. Where more confirmations and answers to other questions came. Especially about how to handle the (legal) issues in my mind.

I went back to the restaurant during lunchtime. It was very busy on the ground floor. The lady immediately picked up the menu to take me upstairs when she saw me. I said let me look at the menu and order from below so she did not have to go up and down too much. I ordered and said I did not want to bother them too much so I could go upstairs on my own. She said okay. I asked where she'd like me to sit. She said anywhere I liked. I thanked her and headed up.

I was spoilt for choice!! Second floor was huge, a little daunting, a lot indulgent. I chose a seat for two away from the stairs so I wouldn't hear the clinking of glasses and plates downstairs. I noticed that the air conditioning was whirring loudly. I was glad I brought my earplugs along.

As I settled in, the whirring sound stopped. Suddenly I was in a quiet spot! Praise God!

My pot of chamomile tea arrived. I was immediately engrossed in my work. Time past. I noticed my tea was running low, considered asking for more hot water but felt gratefully embarrassed. A few minutes later, a fresh pot of chamomile tea arrived, free! Followed by my delicious vegetarian focaccia. Then the restaurant owner went up, smiled quietly at me, did not disturb me, turned on the light for me, and left me in private. Suddenly the whole floor looked romantic! I was so blessed! I knew God was involved in all the nurturing and care I was being freely given! God placed me there in their care. I felt so loved, provided, comforted and energised!

I continued working, drinking and eating on the side. I sat there for hours undisturbed. Productive and satisfied. I wondered if the people helping me where of a certain faith. They did not know how God used them to answer my heartfelt prayers. Many people, even those who oppose God, gets used for the bigger plan. This understanding was revealed to me last year.

When I finished and was paying, I shared with the lady that God responded to my prayers through her. We talked briefly and quickly about faith, I could tell she was a giving person. She did not know why she agreed so quickly to letting me use the second floor and why they kept patrons away from it while I was there. We accepted that it was meant to be so. I explained to her that God answered all my requests and needs that day through them. God used them to show me He is with me and watching over me. I am in His hands. It was such an awesome testimony for both of us!

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever."

- Psalms 118:1 -

"I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord, the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love."
- Isaiah 63:7 -

Two verses I randomly read this morning. :-)

Three Ways To Love And Be Loved

In many countries Valentines is a day not just for "lovers" but also for platonic friends. It is a day of enjoying each other's company and showing that we care and/or love them.

If you would like to let someone know you appreciate... or care... or love... him/her/them, here are 3 simple and different ways you can show them. Male or female, they will love the gestures below. I guarantee any of them will be appreciated. You can do one, or all three.

1. Send flower/s to workplace/home. You can hand it, but it is also (embarrassingly) nice and more special when it is delivered. It can be a bunch or a single flower. It does not have to be a rose. It can even be handpicked and delivered by your unknown accomplice.... I don't know any man or woman (except for those who are allergic) who would not (secretly) feel loved after receiving a flower.

2. Home-cooked meal. The way to many hearts is through our stomach. It is always much more special when cooked for, even if it is only scrambled egg on toast, with a nice drink. Create a nice ambience.

3. Handwritten letter or card. Again it is about the effort and not the cost. Extra points if mailed and received on time.

+++++++++++++++++

I don't like the commercialism and consumerism of Valentines Day, amongst many day and eve celebrations. People go crazy on spending when what people really need are connection and reconnection.

I also think to celebrate love and relationships once or twice a year only is a cop-out. Yet, at the same time, to not enjoy those events for the sake of your love one, is laziness and/or selfish.

It is a time when we are meant to think of the other person/group, not concentrate on how it should benefit us; nor complain about how it bothers or discomforts us. That's why since the late 90s I encouraged others and practiced "month-iversaries", when committed relationship was celebrated every month. I understood that some people are not as inclined to be this expressive, unless it became an event. I was that person.

I had a boyfriend whom didn't like that I struggled to remember our "special dates" - when we met, when we started going out, our first or fifth month since dating...too many!! Out of my stresses, but with my willingness to adapt (and my general quest for innovation of anything), I negotiated to put all our tiny celebrations into one basket and called it month-iversary. It was a great compromise. So good he practices it with his wife now, good on him!

Knowing the "special day" was going to come (or expected) is a great reminder to be attentive of others. To share play, romance and gratefulness at least one day every 29-30 days is not too much to ask!?! It may start as a begrudged forced habit, but with the right heart and spirit it would eventually encourage us to appreciate living life daily from a "love perspective".

Sledgehammer

Tonight, figuratively speaking, (as in it didn't happen, only that it felt like) someone fully swung a sledgehammer from underneath me(!!) with the impact picking me off the ground(!!) and my body crashing some distance away from where I stood(!!).

And... I deserved it.... :-((((

Someone informed me of two actions I did, that was offensive. A bad mistake. Of course I did not mean any offense, and I assumed because I told the person what was going on, it would be alright. It never occurred to me that it was rude, as in my mind, I was very honest/open about it. I already decided that it was only a simple and platonic interaction, pursuing a promise made to a third party. 

However, my actions were rightly misread by the offended. I agree that I did not take the time to think about whether the other person would react the same way I would. Or even how it would look to people around us, if that also mattered to the offended. I was too comfortable that the person understood, but we both were still getting to know each other. That was stupid of me to expect the same understanding a friend who knew me well (and accepted my personality) would give. Between us, it only made sense to myself and the third party.

I apologised profusely. The offended was kind enough to understand, and I hope accepted my explanation.

The lesson was so strong, I would be a fool to do it again. I prayed about it. I hope/know the offended would not hold it against my faith (it was mentioned, maybe in anger), as only myself should be held accountable. But I needed to pray about the whole situation, in confession and sadness; because I am aware, that it could easily happen again; as the root of the issue was my character/personality, which I have said before is my charm and also my flaw. Obviously this time it was a huge flaw. :-((

I am sooooo embarrassed. I am hiding, trying to soothe myself and my wounds (aka ego). So I sit on my bed dazed.... Still reeling and knocked down by the sledgehammer of truth.

Living and Loving Life

I can't help it! I'm interested in EVERYTHING GOOD life has to offer too much! I always had been since childhood, but was unable to pursue it due to inexperience and/or youth; or decided to push aside that part of me to support and/or survive. But as I got older and late-bloomed in my mid-to-high-20s; and earned to support financially my chosen lifestyle; or became self-assured; or more selfish; or gained confidence... my unquenchable curiosity TOOK OFF!!

There is not enough time in my lifetime to fulfil ALL I hope to learn and experience. Even if (if only) my curiosity was encouraged from childhood, there is still not enough in two lifetimes!! Aware of my unquenchable thirst for this amazing bittersweet experience called life.

To me, LIFE IS A PLAYGROUND WHERE I DANCE TO BEAUTIFUL RHYTHMS. MY MOVEMENTS ARE BRUSHSTROKES OF COLOURS AND LIGHTS AND ENERGY, CREATING CONTINUOUS MASTERPIECES. MY SENSES FULLY AWAKE - LOVING, MARVELLING, CURIOUS, AND AWESTRUCK IN WONDER - BY THE BEAST AND THE BEAUTY OF MY CONTACTS AND MY SURROUNDINGS.

.... Ahem *composing myself, back to your/our world* .... :-))

This is why I look like I am always chasing, because time is precious. I struggle to limit my learning. When I slow down it is because there is something, or someone, or both, in that situation that I valued to be more precious. So I either submit my time; or request and hope to be welcomed to share the experiences.

This is why I am fast-acting and action-oriented, when it comes to priorities, like my life and my heart. To stand-still in indecision or a negative emotion, I really believe, robs people of the beauty life has to offer. Regardless of whether our problems are people or situations, we cannot change the past, and the future is not guaranteed. But we could hope for a better/nicer later. Our proaction (minute, multiple and continuous) now would lead us to those wishes/dreams we hold in our minds and hearts much better than our indecision/inaction.

This is why I give a vibe that I am hard - hard to understand, hard to satisfy, hard to hold, hard to know, hard to accept. Because there is definitely too much of me for a lot of people. I understand.

This is why I am vulnerable most times. To live me passionately and authentically, I knowingly and unknowingly stay receptive to all kinds of exposures. All my senses are continuously stimulated and filtering. Much wisdom gained that developed my commonsense and my lovesense. Life and love has never-ending complexities to offer. I try to dance it in simplicity, sometimes with mischief, a lot of times with play. So I get excited and truly hope and look forward to experiencing the challenges. For example, old age.

Enjoy! :-)

Top Tens - Summer 2013

[It took me over a month to finish writing this! *tense smile* It allowed me to capture more of the season....]

Ten Things I Love/Appreciate

1. Sports tape, to strap problem areas, eg injured ankle! I just found out how good it could be for temporary relief!

2. Peacefulness despite being too active/busy. Still NIL plan confirmed/affirmed this year, hence I'm still "floating", but not complacent. Focusing on what I know now while being content to wait.

3. That my family stayed safe and well last year. I hope this year too.

4. My mentor and her husband - for their patience, love, zeal for ministry and life, and spiritual guidance.

5. My female friends - for the laughters, unconditional love and crazies.

6. My male friends - they've been the most supportive through actions last year, ending with positive outcomes -  financially, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

7. Free-ish healthcare. I'm getting great treatment.

8. My work. To attend 5 days a week and still feel passionate about the core of what I do, despite routine/mundane tasks, priceless. I never stopped feeling blessed from the day I found out I got the job. With work hours flexibility (depending on deadlines etc), chasing other interests and various dreams became easy.

9. My new friend-neighbour willing to give his time to rebuild my strength/core through corrective swimming.

10. Orchid plant in my room.

Ten Things I Miss/Dislike

1. Gutted about news regarding our mission pastor leaving our church.
2. Took off the sports tape last night so I could sleep (after 3 days and 2 nights). End of today my unaided ankle was bruised, slightly painful, and inflamed; just from walking around at work.... :-(
3. Vague future, or end of my mentorship. I will miss it if it ends, but trusting that God's leading (and/or testing) will take care of all (of us). Wherever we end up will be the best place for us. Reflecting on the lessons learned, I am gratefully confident of the lifetime wisdom passed on.
4. Dislike my weakened core/stomach/ankle muscles and worsened posture. Have to stop stooping to look down at where I am going. Everything else just needs a targeted workout to strengthen again.
5. Missing two-hours of head-to-toe deep tissue or sports massage with scented oils.
6. Dislike the end of my holidays, or days off during work week. It gave me an impression that I owned my time, instead of being ruled by the organisation where I work.
7. Dislike how the orchids on my plant are already falling. I hoped they would last longer.
8. Missing watching movies in the dark (at home or outside with the night sky!), under a blanket.
9. Miss volunteering at Crisis Christmas. It was a great way to introduce people to "giving their time" for a few days/nights, being more receptive/willing during the holidays season. It was how I was introduced to it, by a friend whom made it a tradition. Outside holidays season and start of the year, it is harder to get people to consider volunteering (eg helping at breakfast and lunch halls).
10. Dislike not being a good shopper and meals planner. I get discouraged coz I waste a lot of fresh foods, and always don't have the correct ingredients. I miss my own home-cooked meals.

Ten Wishes/Prayers

1. For God's comfort and peace; and for confirmations to be clear and affirmed, regarding the future of our mission pastor and his wife. I know God has exciting plans for them, and through them! :-)

2. For my family to each have a personal relationship with God.

3. To wait patiently on God. Hebrews 11:8.

4. To not be lead by my own plans/fears/insecurities/over-confidence. Psalm 23.

5. For my (and friends') relationship and friendships to be encouraging, strengthening, positive and protected.

6. That opportunities keeps coming and presenting itself; and that I respond rightly/appropriately, by taking them on, or saying no.

7. To learn to play guitar. People think I rock it already, but I'm still quite bad, hahahah.

8. To learn how to plan and shop for food/groceries weekly, so I can be a better cook.

9. For my ankle to be healed strong, my core/stomach muscles to be strong, and my posture to improve.

10. For the last (biz) issue with old partner to be fully finalised this year instead of in 3.5 years! No negativity, but I would really like to no longer have to deal with him and not participate in keeping the (biz) issue away from his new partner. Peace of mind and complete closure would be nice.

11. For my (ad)ventures to be successful.