One Month To Go!

February’s almost over! It has been about four weeks since I started working out for the 20km event – advertised as “probably the toughest obstacle course event on the planet”, ack!

Monkey bars. I don’t think I'd succeed. But I’d still go through them and enjoy doing it! Then I’d also find out how many bars I could actually cross. There could also be a very strong possibility that I’d surprise myself or adrenaline rush would enable me to succeed! :-)

I increased my exercise from twice a week to 6 days a week, mainly weights training and swimming. My lunchbreaks were spent in the gym. I carried, pushed and pulled MUCH heavier weights. I pushed harder from the second week, which was when I realised I really needed to get my strength to the point where I could carry my own weight without support for at least 20 dips. I can now do 3 to 5, depending on how low I dip and how tired (or warmed up) my arms were.

I don’t like to run. I struggle to stay motivated past 5 minutes, and hit my “wall” immediately. I don’t like how it makes my knees feel. I went from being a die-hard athlete in primary and high school days to choosing running as a last option. I prefer to row, swim or bicycle instead. This could be an issue during the event as the guideline stated I should be able to run at least 14km. My possible partner had been warned, and he was encouraging (said we have 6 hours to finish and it will give him time to rest, hahahah, sweet!). I know I’d “stop-start-fast-walk” it, with the help of my natural perseverance. I did an 8km marathon (with only two 4km practice runs) in under 60 minutes last year. I figured I know I could endure 2.5 hours of running, plus the time it’d take us to finish 20-30 obstacles. Four hours tops of crazy tough fun! Bring it on! :-)

To improve my cardio, at least twice a week I swam  - 15 metres times 100 laps – more than a mile each session. I’ve never sweated so much while in water before! It was a challenge on the first week. But boring on the second week, so I timed myself to make it interesting - 10 laps in 3 minutes when doing freestyle and 3.5minutes when breast stroke. Now, I just swim for over 35 minutes without counting how many laps I did. I don't finish til after about 40 minutes to compensate for any stops/breaks/breathers during each session. And I just realised while writing this I should have swam for minimum 45 minutes, ack! :-)

I’m a water baby, but mostly self-taught. I’m more comfortable to swim like a mermaid (inspired by Ariel, the Little Mermaid). I’m not at ease with the “formal techniques”. I learned to freestyle etc from watching others and from a tourist who taught me how to dive, kick my feet and take a breath in between strokes like an Olympic swimmer. I was about 9 years old those times he saw me splashing in the pool when not in school or sleeping. The 30 minutes to one hour he spent to teach me became the foundation of my ability to swim now. He was also the motivation behind why I like to teach people of all ages how to swim/float. All I knew of him was that he was either American or European, and that he gave me his swim team jumper which said, “Biarritz” (French?). :-)

Anyway, I can’t (couldn’t) freestyle well without a snorkel (yes, I’ve been doing my laps with a snorkel on, dorky, hahahah ugh). I tried to swim with normal goggles on last week (third week) and I drowned during the first lap. I felt low and sad because swimming which used to be always fun for me became work/exercise/routine. I couldn’t stop between laps to do a somersault or swim around in circles pretending I was a bear or a seal (ehh…heh eheh), or a mermaid. Swimming was no longer “just for fun”.

However, I did love how I am still “soothed” while I exercised, coz water has a calming effect on me. My body/mind naturally feels happy when I’m in water so my mood stayed/became positive. Best of all, I felt myself improving! I felt stronger and this week, in both swim sessions, I could freestyle without using the snorkel’s mouthpiece to breathe!! YAY! I still needed the mask to stop my nose from inhaling water, but I didn’t drown. Woohoo! I might take lessons to fine tune my techniques, in the future. Excited to freestyle properly with proper goggles on. NICE!

…. The biggest change I noticed aside from feeling stronger, and that I always smelt a hint of chlorine on my skin, was that I was always hungry! I already ate like a man. Increased appetite meant nowadays I ate like a horse! I tried to eat healthier, but circumstances this month (and next month) increased my intake of cakes, sweets, pizzas, savouries, ice creams and other junk foods. Aaaaccckk! Eheheheh ugh! Lots of get togethers, meals and picnics also meant I drank several “occasional” wines and beers (1 to 3 maximum per outing, mostly only 1 serve).

I also put on about three to five kilos (66kg approx), but my body felt the same. I look like I weighed less. This is why I tell girls to not gauge their health by the number on the weighing scales. I was under 50kg last year after my trip. I did not feel nor look healthy. I did not feel beautiful. I like my body with meat. I love having a little pot belly to rub. :-)

My pants are not tighter (nor loose). I was told the extra kilos must be the muscles I’ve gained. I admit I thought I’d lose weight, even after all the excess eating and drinking I did. But only because I worked out so much! I see the benefit of being lighter, for this event. The less weight I have, the lighter the load I'd have to carry. So I better work on eating healthier, with less or no more of the indulgences at least until after March. It'd be hard, hahahah ugh!

I'm excited. I didn't do this for charity or any honourable cause. Only for fun with friends and for the personal challenge. We'd definitely finish the course. But I am very curious in what condition at the finish line!!!???! I also wondered why I'd willingly go through this tough event and also paid for the opportunity!!!??? :-)

A Quiet Celebration

Finally! This Saturday, the 18th, marked the day I finally had ALL my personal belongings. If you read my earlier post "Mementos", you’d know it took a lot of effort/years, I lost much and I decided this month will be my cut off date. After yesterday’s haul, I accepted the rest as “gone”. I noticed straight away what was missing…. *Shrugging, hands up in the air*, I figured, "Eeehh??!?! They were just stuff... material things".... I mentioned which items only to bestie whom helped move my things. C’est la vie!

I haven’t seen bestie since last year, though we’ve spoken on the phone. So catching up finally in person was cause for celebration on its own :-). I got two great hugs from him – hello and goodbye. Nothing special about the way they were given - very quick hugs, but with love, and safe. While we/he drove we talked about his European trip and future plans with his beloved (she’s wonderful, I’d love a man version of her for me!), and talked about my trip experiences with more details and my future.

I felt released as I sorted through the boxes, and thought, “these are it, all of it”. A feeling of great relief slowly filled me up while I enjoyed the closure. I never liked prolonged drama, so I started feeling so ecstatic I wanted to celebrate. I felt so liberated I could not concentrate on the task of getting rid of more possessions. I ended up laying on top of the chest box, cradled my head with my arm/s, kicked my feet up in the air (leaned on the wall/boxes), and smiled while I listened to random music from my phone radio :-).... VERY HAPPY. Bestie had to pick up beloved from the airport, and most likely she would be tired/jetlagged. So he went back to the storage company an hour later to drop me home, and I commemorated the day alone.

Our talk about Europe and Italian pastas reminded me how much I loved how simply they made their meals. Inspired by an easy recipe bestie mentioned, I cooked it for lunch. It was delicious! One of my best simple meals in fact! I even enjoyed the whole cooking process ;-). I made it even more special when I opened a small bottle of champagne to drink with it! I felt so good and so happy! A perfect way to celebrate my feeling of freedom! :-)

Later that night, I watched a free orchestral (classical music) concert at the park with a friend. They played music inspired by places – Mexico (playful), Aboriginal Australia (breathtaking) and Finland (dreamy). It was a perfect way to end my quiet celebration.

Top 14 Favourite Love Quotes in the Bible (For the 14th Day of February)

For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

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There are three things that amaze me—

no, four things that I don’t understand:

how an eagle glides through the sky,

how a snake slithers on a rock,

how a ship navigates the ocean,

how a man loves a woman.

Proverbs 30:18-19

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A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Proverbs 5:19

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Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.

Song of Solomon 2:3-4

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My lover is mine, and I am his.

Song of Solomon 2:16

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Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.

Song of Solomon 8:6

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Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.

Genesis 29:20

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Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1 John 3:18

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There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

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Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Ephesians 5:25

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However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

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Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

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And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:14

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Operation Christmas Child Update

* Update for http://herstory-rachellerachelle.blogspot.com.au/2011/08/operation-christmas-child.html - for people who donated gifts to add to those collected at work. *

Hello everyone,

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Below is a list of countries where the ninety-two (92) shoeboxes collected during the Operation Christmas Child campaign were sent. The gifts were taken to these ports then transported to various cities as well as remote villages, to reach the children who were aged 2 to 14 years.

Destination Country     Destination Port      
Cambodia                      Sihanoukville  
Cambodia                      Sihanoukville (For Phnom Penh) 
Fiji                                Lautoka
Fiji                                Suva   
Papua New Guinea        Madang 
Papua New Guinea        Port Moresby   
Thailand                        Bangkok
Vietnam                        Haiphong (For Hanoi)   
Vietnam                        Ho Chi Minh    

I am sure the children felt the love you expressed through the gifts you filled the shoeboxes with. Thank you again for your wonderful support and participation in this campaign.

Mementos

For two years (and longer) I struggled to gain back my properties that were held by someone from my past. It should have been a simple process, but I could not access them until ownership was fully transferred to me. It was a frustrating situation that tested my patience and understanding. Then I was informed by the storage company that they were destroyed. I had to deal with the emotions of forever losing my mementos - personal artwork and sculpture, photos, achievements, riches, and several sentimental items. I didn't have much keepsake from my past, especially from school days and younger. So the few I had were all I could identify with.

Thankfully it was a false alarm, the loss averted. My things were moved for destruction, but were found in time by the lady who was aware of the situation (she tried to resolve the issue for years with me). Many aggressive negotiations later, I finally have half of the property. Picture shows the boxes sorted and stacked on top of each other, next to other boxes to be destroyed. I had go through all those boxes to work out which ones were mine. Hard, dirty and heavy work. Hopefully the rest - my most expensive and valued collections - to be returned to me by end of this month. I'm hopeful yet doubtful, as I don't know which of my things were kept??..

Nine boxes of various sizes saved. About seven of them filled with books, clothes and shoes. Favourites, but non-essentials, and will most likely be thrown out. The rest were sentimental items and/or unknown. I took home mainly confidential paperwork, old journals and diaries, and photos. I didn't have enough time to sort through all the boxes this weekend past. But I knew enough that my jewelleries/riches and expensive collections such as designer items and wines (for example, Penfolds Grange Hermitage 1962, 1971, 1974 and 1990) were missing. I didn't even want to sell those wines. I wanted to drink/enjoy them with love ones! :-) In 2007 I had them opened and tested by Penfolds, and they were all still in perfect condition. I had sips of each one and they were very nice indeed.

The end of this month will be my cut-off date. If the rest of my property were not in my possession by then, I will shrug my shoulders and move forward. It suits my goal this year to have lesser material things at home. I salvaged some keepsakes from my photos and notebooks. They will have to be enough. But I will shed some tears of farewell over my lost paintings, sketch books and the beautiful sculpture I created when I was in year nine. Art was not a part of me that was encouraged nor developed, but those times that I immersed myself in its colours and expressions were one of my most memorable.

This experience showed me that I became possessive of the material things that reminded me of my past. They helped to create what I perceived to be my identity, and validated me. I'm sure there was also ego involved - being able to prove how much fun I had, how talented I was, how great my life was, how beautiful I/we were, that I existed, and I wanted to be remembered. These were some examples of why I likely became attached to them. The material possessions served as evidences (to others but mostly) to myself, because I knew, eventually I/we (or a lot of people) forget.

Having lost everything (or many things) made me realise that life continues on. I really didn't need them to settle down and create my home. There'd be less clutter, which I preferred. Plus the pain of losing those "identifiers" (if not your decision to rid of them), like any other suffering, eventually goes away or is exchanged with gladness/better choices. God's always provided for me. This trust and understanding made me appreciate the present, and live it with love and acceptance - with or without material things to identify me.

So onwards of course, as per usual, continuing to live and love life now, focusing on having good relationships and serving others :-).

Monkey Bar Challenge

Several months ago, I registered to participate in a 20kms obstacle course event. I didn't think much of it, as I was busy prepping for travel. I noticed people were more interested in it after I got back. They made me realised I may have been keen, so I would most likely complete the course, but currently in no shape to survive a LOT of the obstacles we would face along the way!!!

The main one for me, which caught my focus, were the "monkey bars". I've never used nor played with these. I only hanged on to them for a few seconds to stretch my back or because I passed by and I could reach the bars. Currently, that is all I could do - hang on to the first bar. No upper body strength to pull/push my own weight through to the next bar. ACK!!

The other obstacles I was sure other participants could help me out. Though heavy, I was also ready to carry a log on my own, if this task was included. But to cross the monkey bars!! I would be on my own!!!! I have less than 60 days to get myself strong and fit enough to "walk" these!! I could see myself falling into the mud pit! Still, I am also challenged to not fall in there, so I am dogged in my determination to cross from above!!! I could almost hear myself growling...! :-)))

I started the strength regime this week. I swam 100 laps last week (again later tonight!), but that was more to improve my cardio. Swimming and carrying weights made my arms and back quite sore. I'm not really happy with the exercises I've been doing though. They don't feel enough - push ups, lats pull downs and eerrr, sitting on the side of a chair then lowering myself down and up while my arms are behind me holding on to the seat. I need to build more strength to use the "weight-thingie" where I stand on my knee and pull myself up, somehow the weights below the seat where my knees rested helping to push me up.... What is that contraption called!!!??! At the moment, I feel stupid on it, it is just pushing me up, no power worthy of mention coming from me to pull my body up.... :-/

I think I need my back to be strong, to pull me up, not just my arms. I have to work on the V (ribs?) on my back more...? I hope I don't end up with big muscles, I don't like them on me. I like my (lean) fats on my body more, having softer arms! I prefer seeing those awesome V muscles on the backs of men, not on me!!??!

What other exercises or weights style/techniques can I do, concentrating on giving me a stronger upper back, to be able to pull myself up????

I will do my best!!!!! :-))))

Delicate

Two to three weeks later. I think this will be the my last post relating to my last trip. I've written more than enough about it - thoughts and feelings related to the trauma of physical harassment etchetera I dealt with from the men, while I walked alone, in the streets of one of the countries I visited.

The main question I was asked was, "why didn't you scream or hit them?".

My reaction/s (or lack of) were a combination of a lot of things.... I am not the type to hit back, or react in anger. It takes a lot to make me blow up, and no one, NOT EVEN I, would want to see that. And by the time I turned the person who molested me was already several steps away or lost in the crowd. While I had my back turned looking for the molester, it also left my behind unprotected from incoming traffic of possible opportunists. I deemed it a no-win situation.

My statement before I left too was, "despite of...(blah blah), I am determined to show and experience what is good about the country. It cannot be as bad as people say it is....". I was trying to hold on to that positive mentality. To maintain an understanding mind and understanding heart. To not judge the collective by the actions of few/some.

I've travelled to many countries were people warned me of the men. I mostly only experienced lewd/rude comments or sleezy looks, rarely inappropriate touching. I could count in one hand the total number of times I was indecently brushed/touched in all my travels. So I knew it was possible bad things could happen, but I also smugly believed people exaggerated; that they only sensationally repeated what they heard (but not experienced, so it could not possibly be as bad). I had a lot of faith in humanity (still do).

Distressed, I accepted that I could not avoid nor stop the men from taking advantage. No matter how decently I covered myself, nor how much I scowled. I was easy target, temptation. I made a decision to concentrate on preventing them from "getting through", surviving. I forced myself to be thick-skinned and not react to those that "got through", pushed them in the past, as I had to conserve my mental energy in still preventing the next assault. Any invasion of my body was really unnerving. It was very tiring to be on edge the whole day, tensely waiting for the "accidental brush", not knowing whether it was coming in the morning or in the afternoon. It was very tiring not knowing how many times I had to karate-chop hands/arms away from me, each day. One more unwelcomed touch was too much. Added to that several other bad experiences I had, plus the fact that the country itself was very affecting and very confronting. The whole experience was extreme and I was highly challenged every day. The  harassment while I was in North India was so intense, that when it suddenly stopped in South India (and onwards), I could not believe it. So I stayed worried, pained, and intimidated.

I remember I tried to joke about it, tried to use humour to lessen the effect of the whole issue with the men. Reflecting now, I could compare it to how abused victims made excuses for their predators. It was a weak way to survive it. Not nice. I think I was at this stage when I was in Udaipur. Not nice.

Understandably, even in the safety of my home country, it took time for me to get over the trauma. During my first week back I did not realise how strongly it affected me, until I felt myself tense up when I saw three guys that maybe looked Indian and I automatically went into my "fight stance" to slap and/or block off wandering hands while they walked past me and my friend. The guys opened up a big space for me and my lady friend to walk between them - either out of normal chivalry, or because they sensed/saw I went "fierce/lethal". I admitted it to my friend after we walked past and laughed silly about it. But I was also very disturbed by my discriminative behaviour. Not nice at all! I do not want to be that type of person.

Mid-last week, a colleague walked past me. We've always walked past each other before, and he always did the same move where he extended his hand out to let me know he wanted me to walk through first. I always grinned back at him. That time I almost slapped him! I was flabbergasted, shocked at my unconscious reaction! He joked I had to learn to block higher as he was also a good return slapper. Oh dear! :-/

Third week. I think I am better now. No incidents. Although I liked slapping, and will not cross off doing it again if grabbed or touched inappropriately in the future, I do not want to get used to it. I don't like to hit, still, preferring to not react with violence.

Would I go back to India? MOST DEFINITELY! There are still so many wonderful places to explore! I would prefer to not travel alone of course. But if I found myself alone there again, I would be better prepared. As advised by male Indian friends, I would carry a long umbrella to hit them with (too heavy), or a taser gun to block their moves (perfect!) - even at the risk electrocuting myself because their hand/s were already on my body, hahah yuck uuugggghhhhhh. :-/

For now, trying to find the delicate balance of keeping peace, and feeling at peace. Feeling delicate still from the experiences but actively pursuing my "normalcy". Keeping my faith in the good and kindness of humanity. :-)

Guardians

I had a lot of harrowing experiences while I explored two of the three countries I visited – India, Maldives and Sri Lanka. However, in my vulnerability (expressed and not), I also met a lot of people whom through their kind actions - intentional or accidental - made me safe(r). They were my angels or my bodyguards – my guardians.

   

- The friend whom I mentioned in my blog about India. Though he was in that post, I am still very grateful for the kindness, care and time he has given me to make sure I enjoyed his country. I appreciated all the good he’s done.

- Mr Irish in Udaipur, whom mostly stood between me and the groups of men we passed while we walked the streets. He literally circled around me in rugby stance, ready to take down anyone that aimed for me. I still laugh picturing those moments!

- A Goan whom I ran the children's party with. I don't know now what opinion he has of me because of the trouble I had with someone that connected us, pity. But I was very thankful for his kindness and that I felt I could trust him. He made me forget I was in India, which he thought was a weird (and maybe disrespectful) comment, but at the time I was very overwhelmed by all the harassment I had come across that I became afraid of all Indian men around me, except of him. I felt safe with him. It was him that advised me to slap the men, after I mentioned to him an incident, as I wanted his opinion being a local Indian man. Thank you, that was a great advice which I followed - read story here! :-)

- Z, aka “Auntie”, for being understanding, taking care of me, and protecting my property (until I figured out how to get them out). In her care I found myself homeless (not her choice), gastro-sick, overwhelmed, most tired and most vulnerable. It was there were I reached my lowest emotional point. She was so kind.

- Manesh and Rattan, two Nepali waiters at the beach restaurant I took refuge in, who made sure I was left on my own, as I requested, while I reconstructed myself; and agreed/offered to watch over my backpacks in the restaurant, until it was time for me to catch my next train journey later in the night.

- Uncle Harry, who quickly went into action to help me with my luggage when I explained my situation and I was trying to figure out how far Margao was (initially I planned to pick up my bags and leave them in the train station’s cloakroom).

- Auntie Anjeli, who pretty much adopted me and opened her home to me.

- Auntie Sandra, who with Aunt Anjeli (girl-power) went along with me to make sure I was safe when I picked up my bag from Auntie Z’s place. They did not want me to go alone in case of more trouble.

- Uncle Philip, for being on standby with Uncle Harry, in case we needed man-power. They organised all transports, and words of wisdom.

* The Uncles and Aunties did so much more than what I wrote above. I am still in touch with them. I was so glad I met the Uncles before I found myself homeless, as it was them that recommended the restaurant to me and it was there I met them again. Because of them and the staff in the restaurant, I had a wonderful/protected end of day (and watched a great sunset).

- Two ladies (Japanese and French) I spent time in Alleppey with. Just having them for company, instead of being alone, recharged me. I needed some female bonding and they were great company!

- The Catholic businessman from Goa/Mumbai, who was on my train to Varkala. He was so nice to me but I embarrassingly thought he had some negative motives. I was even rude to him, not willing to converse nor pay attention to him. I bitchily asked him why he was helping me, waiting to here another “demand” (click here to read story of bad experience with a businessman from Mumbai) ). He said he didn’t know, he just wanted to. I asked if I looked helpless, he said no, but he felt compelled to make sure I was okay. I stayed guarded the whole time. He got me fresh blankets and pillows, kept offering me food and drinks, assured me he will wake me up when close to my stop, and made sure I did not miss my stop. I did not sleep but I would definitely have missed the stop coz we arrived 30mins earlier than I expected. He made sure I did not leave anything behind and carried my backpack outside, coz he was worried that I wont be able to get out in time (trains only stopped for 1 minute). He left his things unattended inside the train to take care of mine. Still I did not trust him and acted unpleasant!... The shame I felt while I stood on the platform in Varkala as the train left with him waving goodbye to me… ugh!

- Two Germans, male and female, in Varkala. They welcomed me into their group/s, shared life stories, food, drinks, wisdom, and thoughts. I left them with LOTS to think about. Plus memories of really good iced coffee, swimming far out at sea in strong yet calm current, and lots of kameez shalwar (punjabi suits) that was tailored and ready to wear the same day. Good company!  :-)

- Two Italian girls in Maldives. They just left Sri Lanka and recommended their driver to me. ALL my bookings were cancelled, including the car with driver. It comforted me that, albeit new friends, they knew who I was going to be with while I travelled solo. I was still worried/traumatised about the men, so the fact that they trusted the driver mattered. I also felt as long as I had a car, I was safe with or without accommodation, until I worked my dilemma out (which my driver mostly took care of, bonus!).

- My driver in Sri Lanka. It was like I had my own Kevin Costner (without the Costner looks though eheheh eck!). I had an ex-commando for a bodyguard. If only I could sing like Whitney, hahahah…. He charged me a lot for the car and his service, as he knew I was stuck/helpless, which was understandable – it was business and we just met. I bargained but I was ready to pay double for my safety. I wasn’t exactly genuine to him either, coz I lied to him to keep myself safe (e.g. had a boyfriend, and pretended the Italian girls were close family friends). But as we got to know each other (a lot of hours and days spent in the car, just the two of us), he became uncle-brother-friend. My first night sleep in Sri Lanka was spent in his car (yes, I slept in the car, ugh!). His actions that night guaranteed to me I would be okay with him. He could have slept comfortably in the lounge of his friend’s hotel (fully booked). But to keep me safe (sleeping inside the car parked outside), and to not let anyone know I was a woman until morning, he guarded me in the car while I was fully covered under the blanket. It was the most uncomfortable sleep, (for both of us, first time for him to sleep in his car too!), but the best five-star security! :-)

- Two or three Sri Lankans, one from home and the rest his friends I never met, whom were my emergency contacts in case I got into trouble in their country. I contacted the two local friends and they kept in touch. I knew they really cared, and it was nice to know they were there.

- My almost-70-years-old snorkel guide in Polhena. My driver entrusted me to him, when our contract had ended and I decided to use public transport to travel along the coast all the way to the airport. When "beach boys" bothered me too much, I just mentioned "Uncle T's" name (as he instructed), and the beach boys backed off! I was happily surprised! My driver also organised for Uncle T to take me to the bus stop (in front of the main road), but he wanted to make sure I would get a seat so he took me instead to the main bus stop in Matara. Extra care, so kind! I still smile thinking about the way he swam when he snorkelled - dog-paddled when we were moving slowly along the strong current. So cute! :-)

- Three French guys in Unawatuna. One kindly watched over my things while I swam, and welcomed me into his group. Another stood next to a tourist who was chatting me up during NYE celebration, to stop the guy from bothering me (I loved the way he did it, the fact he noticed I needed it, and I appreciated that he did it!). The third became my trusted friend whom I spent the most time with. He was a much better Costner ;-). Good times! :-)

- Overseas, a friend constantly kept in touch, aware of how much I had to deal with during this journey. It helped that with him I did not have to wear my suit of "being incredible", admitted my stresses, allowed my voice to choke and feel deflated. His calls, help, encouragement and prayers were a source of strength while I was at my lowest, until I was on the plane heading home.

- I feel I should also mention friends (and family) whom showed soooh much relief on their faces when they saw I was back safely…?! I was surprised when I found out friends from various religions/spirituality were very worried about me dealing with the Indian men while I travelled alone, and prayed daily for me. It was very touching and I was/am appreciative of their well wishes and prayers.

My guardians above may never know, or were most likely not aware, how much their actions and kindness were appreciated by me. Thank you.

Top Tens – Summer List 2012

Ten Things I Love

1. Barely moving (recuperating, home safe home)

2. Not feeling tensed or on edge, not needing to mentally prepare myself to deal with men/’beach boys”

3. Seeing my family soon, I hope

4. Not dealing with mosquitoes at night, ack

5. The night skyline and star-effects on the ceiling of the last plane I flew home in, to put the passengers to sleep, ingenious!

6. My sister stocking up 6-12 months’ worth of (junk)food and supplies in my apartment(!), which will take me longer to finish up. I don’t know what to do with them!! I’ll have to take some to work.

7. Coming home to find gifts waiting for me to open up – for my birthday and the holidays. Love receiving and opening gifts!! :-)

8. Getting sick after my tour, instead of while on holiday.

9. Little luxuries such as new old clothes to wear (variety); better shampoo/conditioner/body wash; or thick, soft, absorbent and gigantic cotton towels after showering.

10. Almost forgot! Saw the lunar eclipse in Goa while walking along the beach of Benaulim. I couldn't work out what was going on but I thought it was soooh interesting! The group I was walking with did not want to stop so I stumbled along and could not concentrate on staring at the moon, but I was glad I saw it! :-)

Ten Things I Don’t/Didn’t Like

1. I’m sick!! Coughing, woozy and run down – I was falling asleep anywhere… anywhere!! I felt it the morning I woke up to travel home. Made me count the 18 hours it took to get from one bed (overseas) to another (home). I must have had too much excitement on the last day/night :-).

2. Not being next to water/nature

3. Not feeling the sand on my feet

4. No more surprising sunrises and sunsets to watch while on holiday mode. Sri Lanka had some really awesome ones!!!

5. No one to take care of me while I’m sick… :-(… I have the female version of “manflu”…. *sook* 

Given lemons, garlic & mangoes the next day!

6. Not having any lemon in the house, ugh. It took me 7 hours after arriving home before I managed to boil some water in the electric kettle, to brew myself my remedy for cold and cough – tea with lemon and honey (sometimes with garlic/ginger). But this time only honey and tea. Better than nothing lol.

7. Unpacking and doing laundry :-/… my sooky mood ain’t helping, will have to do them another day, lol ugh.

8. Too lazy to cook, too sick to eat out, too primadonna to order delivery (don’t fancy eating food from a box/container). I’m gonna starve tonight, lol ugh.

9. Too many emails to go through.... Ugh! Can't avoid them forever....

10. Sensitive, easily marked skin - Ugh! I've learned to accept and lived with my skin from childhood, really. But in the comfort of home and a good mirror, I saw the extent of my "travel shrapnels" or cuts/bruises/bites/scrapes/markings/stings.... aaacckk :-( .... So, I wondered, how many months would these batch take to disappear (my worst ones to date...)? How many would leave permanent marks to add to my "collections"? Ughh!... I reminded myself I have accepted/expected these consequences, so I should/could not complain. Those skin issues are just external factors, exposed to wear and tear, hahahah. I'm thankful for my healthy body, spirit and mind that allowed me to complete these journeys. Plus, what's important is the heart, and its application to daily life.

Ten Things I Missed (or Will Miss)

1. Seafood – I had lots of it, yum yum!

2. My eau de parfum – I don’t carry them when I travel coz I don’t think they’re important and I try to minimise the weight. But with the change of diet eating local cuisine, and the general smell of the places I visited, I really wondered how (badly) I naturally smelt(!!??), sorry, lol ugh. Currently enjoying the smell of ♥ Idole d'Armani ♥, hhhhmmmmm....

3. Hot milk with a lil honey - to have tonight before sleep, yum :-)

4. Lazing next to the beach until after sunset – I haven’t tire of it yet ;-)

5. Hearing the waves crash next to my bedroom - priceless

6. Hot breakfast always prepared and served to me, with fresh fruits and ceylon tea

7. Feeling the heat from the sand after the waves went over it

8. Chicken soup – my manflu makes me wish I’m being spoonfed, eheheh

9. Cuddling up in bed watching a movie (after being spoonfed, hahahah) until I fall asleep

10. My kitty cat, she was the best cuddler and nuzzler

Ten Things Worth Mentioning

1. See you when you smell me! – was my parting goodbye to colleagues and friends. It related to jokes and concerns I had about having to deal with some… aromatherapy. Happy to say I smelt hints of body odour only a couple of times. But none were strong enough to make me gag. No one’s complained yet, but I have no way of finding out (until I go to work or meet up) if I have gained a certain scent, lol ugh. I did not shy away from all the condiments, onions and spices used…! So maybe you will smell me first, before you see me, hahahah!!??!

2. Sri Lankans have beautiful eyes – pay attention to the colours.

3. I ♥ Maldives, the way I experienced it, away from the five star resorts. Try to stay in locally inhabited islands when you visit Maldives. Then you can really say you’ve been and got to know the Maldivians. The people are relaxed and lovely. And, if you are lucky you could even end up with your own “private” beach.

4. The tsunami really affected the coastline and the reefs of Sri Lanka. But I still saw more marine life there compared to Maldives. I swam with a school of fishes that had bodies bigger than my torso on my last day in Sri Lanka. I was quite scared when while snorkelling I ended up floating along in strong current in the middle of all of them!! I was sure there were more than a hundred of fishes surrounding me then!!  :-)))

5. In Sri Lanka most of the men I dealt with (shop sellers, tuktuk driver, hotel staff, etc) were very polite and friendly. The only type of men that were annoying, fresh or ill-mannered was the loitering “beach boys”. Because of this when alone (especially at night) I walked more along the main road parallel to the beach. I received the best greetings and conversations from all locals while there. Of course at the start they will try to sell you something (a lot of times not even, they left it up to me to ask first), but I was never pushed. As soon as business was out of the way, when the greetings started, wow, what lovely smiles and radiating charms!

6. I'm back home tired. But my tiredness came from (being sick of course, but mainly from) dealing with the inappropriateness of men. All the moving and buzz of activities I could still keep doing. I was still physical strong (my manflu aside, but if I was still touring I would have been recovering at the beach, n♥ice!). But this trip really took a lot out of me mentally. There were so many ups and downs, and I was sapped of energy trying to maintain positive or open to better experiences. I really only relaxed when in good/safe company, times used to recharge and refill my love tank. The rollercoaster ride of emotions though was too/so much.

7. I realised I was giving the impression the men in all 3 countries were bad. I apologise. Not true. The worse was India definitely. But there were still a few good men and the South Indian men were definitely better than the Northern men.... Maldives I had no bad experiences.... Uncomfortable/Bad experiences in Sri Lanka was only about 10% of what I had to deal with in India, and limited to "beach boys", plus one.

8. I flashpacked in Sri Lanka. Wary of my experiences in India, and all my bookings cancelled by my ex-travel partner, I accepted/decided that it was best for me to spend more money and keep myself safe. It was the worse time to "wing it" being fully booked for Christmas and New Year. Money I could always earn back. Safety and peace of mind I could not lose. I trusted God and He's provided each time I fretted in my prayers, really :-).... I had a wonderful time, a great driver who really acted as my personal bodyguard, pristine car to travel in, great meals, and fantastic rooms! Sri Lanka is a country that could be toured cheaply but slowly (USD$2-20 public transport fares and USD$10-15 rooms daily). Or spend more to do it in style (with a personal driver and car hire costing USD$40-72 daily and USD$30-50 rooms per night, breakfast included), where one could tour around faster and easily in their own time. I did the higher/est-end budget range. It was not what I planned to spend and had cost more because it was emergency (all my accommodation bookings cancelled) or not negotiated earlier so they charged me expensive rates. If shared by 2 people, worth doing. I'd go back and travel the same way again. :-)

9. A fellow traveller gave me an awesome insight in how I can know if I am making the right decision. I believe it is true.... If after I made a decision, my breathing is still open, it means I made the right decision. If my breathing becomes restricted or blocked, it means I made the wrong decision.

10. Two people (an Indian local and a tourist, different times and location) similarly discussed with me the fact that I am constantly moving. They basically asked why am I running? Why do I feel I have to "do"? Again, some great insights for me to reflect on. I also realised when I had "too much energy" I always made a point of doing something because I got too uncomfortable or fidgety. I couldn't handle the fact that my senses were highly buzzed. They gave me an idea to try to just experience the moment, without reacting to "do" something about it. To see how I will be during and at the end of it. Interesting. I'm still waiting for that time to come. I am not drinking coffee to induce it, hahahah!

Ten Goals for 2012 (I’m sure more will be added/edited later)

1. Learn to ride a scooter. Get my licence.

2. Get qualification to teach English as a Second Language.

3. Be more comfortable praying out loud, or in a group.

4. See the solar eclipse, 13-14 November 2012, around Port Douglas.

5. Improve financially. Time to "nest egg", maybe? ;-)....

6. Really work on learning the 3 languages I said I will be fluent in after 5 years.

7. Have even lesser material things.

8. Be healthier.

9. Find product/s to prevent bites and cuts from getting worse and lingering on my skin, that I won’ be sensitive to, ugh.

10. Relearn to drive, or actually, to park.

Slapped!

Aside from the New Years Eve incident/s, there was only one other time (in this journey) where I felt like slapping another person. I didn’t because though I thought of it, I never wanted to react in violence, plus I was really more confused about the accusations and whatever was going on in the person’s head, and out of respect to the person’s elder relative where I was staying at the time. I was glad I did not react and was more concerned about understanding the person. Unfortunately though, even now, I still don’t understand, ugh. But I am happy to leave it at that, no matter the losses and headaches I incurred. End of story.

I mentioned in “India Me, India Me Not” about a waiter who asked to go inside the toilet with me. I discussed this to the Catholic Goan (who toured me around and made me so comfortable I forgot I was in India, with my defences gone). He said I should have slapped the guy. It didn’t even occur to me - in my shock hearing the indecent suggestion and in my reflex of non-violence. In the past I walked away from sleezy men, or gave them dirty looks, or tell them off. Or they never occurred coz my male friends protected me (back home).

Also (different issue but same inappropriateness) when men were touching me while they quickly walked past, by the time I turned, they were already at least 5 steps away from me. There was really no chance to tell them off unless I screamed at them or ran after them. Which I wanted to do, but also took so much energy, when I really wanted to cry (so I used that energy instead to stop myself from crying in the streets). But I needed to stay strong, coz reacting to those specific instances did not stop the other men. I had never been so felt up in my life before!! So I thought I had to concentrate on the future and focus on preventing, as much as possible, other hands from touching/grabbing me. :-(((((

... New Year’s Eve celebration came. I was in a club partying with new friends. I left them to go to the toilet (where I was gossiping with random girls, lol). On the way back someone grabbed my ass!!! My initial reaction was again shock and non-violence (but was going to tell him/them off). But also quickly I remembered the advice, then BANG!! I felt my hand uncomfortably slapped the guy’s face. Immediately I felt satisfied. I knew I made the right decision and action.

I also felt more anger, maybe triggered by my violent move, hahahah ugh. I politely but strongly approached a security guard and told him about the incident. I showed him where the guy was and WHILE THE GUARD was speaking to the culprit and I was standing next to him, ANOTHER HAND FELT MY ARSE!!

My hand flew again, more comfortable with the action. BANG!! This time with more force. I had practice. The security guard was distracted from dealing with the first guy (lucky him, hmmph!) as I grabbed him (his arm of course) while my other hand was gripping the other feeler. I was very angry by this time, so while the guard was telling him off, I was also mouthing at him. C’mon! Two “feels” in the space of 1-2 minutes!!!???!!!! A lot of my frustrations from other incidents in India and a few more in Sri Lanka welled up. I think I wanted revenge by around this time (eheheheh, ugh). I loved so much the satisfaction of getting immediate result that I went for a final hurrah. BANG!! I slapped guy number two again. That last slap meant for all the guys I wished I did it to (specifically for this journey). I think I also pushed/poked his face/neck on each side while telling him off. I was very physical in comparison to how I really would prefer to be in general (peaceful). I thanked the guard for reacting quickly and walked away.

Released from the worry of how a male friend would react (since I dealt with it already), out of shock, and feeling incredulous that it was still happening while in company of other guys, I told my male friend about the incident.

The security guard followed me when he saw I was talking to my male friend. Maybe he was worried that my friend would react. But he saw we were calm. Then he told my friend something like, “this girl is good… good power”. Hahahah! Love it :-).

…. People and friends, please be careful when you are trying to get my attention by touching me. Make sure your hand is well away from my private parts. Or be ready to duck. I may have acquired a new awesome skill of slapping instinctively to protect myself. You’ve been warned, hahahahah. New year, new me ;-).

Bestie

I’m having one of those days (9am home time) or nights (3.30am current country time) where I wished my male best friend is around. I can call him. But I (am embarrassed) don’t want to disturb him. I could fill him (and about 10 other very close friends) in with news later on in person, or over the phone from home. It’s just, every so rarely, the whirlwind of life gets too much or too fast for me (usually when I am far away from the comforts of home, like now).

So when it feels like the wind is getting knocked out of me, or the force of the wind is too strong, or it is coming from too many directions – I learned a habit (recently, as in 3-4 years ago) of mentally imagining my hand reaching out for something from home to remind me of real (stable) life. I always seemed to picture my bestie, solid like a rock, reminding me of who I am, as he knows me, warts and all. That mental image was always enough to calm me down, regardless of whether I felt he would approve or disapprove of my (mis)adventures, eheheheh ugh.

Between him reminding me of home/safety when I needed it; and the strength/contentment my personal relationship with God has given me; my environment of lack and unknown or negativity and draining, becomes liveable. Then depending on whether I need more encouragement/support, or even role models for certain situations, family or other close friends’ images and memories of them also come into play.

… I can’t wait to just blab (blah blah blah! lol) all the questions, confusions, intentions, weird humour, and critical analysis of myself to him. I am reflecting so much tonight/today. This trip has made me realise how well I survive in stressful/threatening/compromising circumstances, but also made me aware (or made me acutely accept) how painfully vulnerable/unprotected I really am, alone, being myself, from people/men/women/“over-takers”. Without the years of exposure (training, lol) to myself bestie has had, newer friends may not quite understand. Also, I think he is one of the few people I know who’s (kind of?) worked out what the different “hhhhmmm” sounds I make, and apparently I use a lot (I’m not really aware of when I do it), means….

Missing you. And thank you for being my friend. Lovelots. :-)

India Me, India Me Not

This country brings out a rollercoaster of emotions. Prepare to be challenged… to be confronted… to be shaken… to be uncomfortable… and be disgusted… and be impressed.

It is so diverse and rich in culture. It is impossible to peek at everything in less than 2 months. It is definitely not a country for the faint-hearted, yet I would recommend it for people to visit. But do not choose a big tour of the country for your first overseas trip. A lot of travel-savvy is required to manage this country. Otherwise, make sure you are in an all-inclusive tour group. Or visit only two or three areas if travelling independently for the first time.

With early planning, and/or cash to spend (to get yourself out in a jiffy to another location), it is easy to travel around the country. Book your train tickets 3 months in advance, even if it means your itinerary will be rigid. Or rely on your luck/blessing to get a seat a few days before. But be prepared to fork out a lot more cash for some rail routes, or to fly out instead. ALL travellers from overseas (whom didn’t pay for a private car/van/bus hire) told me their bus rides were awful. My experiences when we used private vehicles at the start of my trip when I was with a group were fine, even fun or exciting. None of our private transports were air-conditioned, by choice (?).

One of my domestic flights was cancelled but was fully refunded. Thankfully I had time to make other plans, as I was told of the cancellation about 4 weeks before the date. The airline had given me an alternative flight which I kept until the morning of my travel, in case the more suitable (and cheaper) flight with another carrier was also cancelled.

All (but one of) my train trips pretty much arrived on time, or 20 minutes late maximum. The Jaipur to Jodhpur overnight train arrived 5-6 hours late but the locals whom regularly caught it said it was very unusual. Most times the train left on time or maximum 1 hour behind schedule.

People will have varied experiences in the same parts of India. So choose to visit those that interest you. I wanted to visit so many places, especially up north – Srinigar, Shimla, Sikkim, Jaisalmer, Gangtok, Darjeeling, Arunachal Pradesh, Punjab, Gujarat, Tamil Nadu, Maharastra, Hampi and Bengal areas. But I was restricted by time, budget, and the weather. Maybe I will still get a chance to visit those places in the future, especially up north when I try to visit the bordering countries. But for now, where I have been are enough. Taj Mahal is off the bucket list, and about 3 weeks of travelling alone in India, a huge part of me was ready to leave. But I found a perfect place to end my trip, where I ended up staying longer, cutting off my last destination. I could imagine staying longer, but it was not possible (though almost made possible, hmph!). Still, it was a perfect way to end what would have been a very trying journey.

*************************

I was very hesitant to write this part of my story – relating to why I did not like India. But I will not hide it, as it was what I and ALL other female tourists I have spoken to experienced constantly and mostly while we toured. It is the only reason why I would tell another female traveller to not visit India, if I did not think she could cope. To advise someone to not to go to such a beautiful country is a HUGE deal, and I did not believe it would ever happen. I am always determined to show and experience the GOOD in every country. Eventually I experienced a lot of “better India”, in the South or the lower part of India. However, most tourists goes to the North, and that’s where it was “rough”.

Before I continue, please remember the first part of this story, how India could still be enjoyed, especially in good company (with locals or other travellers). I also need to stress that (after writing this story, while heading down to Kerala) I noticed a HUGE difference between the men in the South and the men from the North. I was much safer and comfortable in the South. I even forgot once that I was in India because I was so comfortable and completely let my guard down, to my happy surprise. Plus, I met a lot of Indian men who were kind, treated me well and were gentlemen. They were all the men I met – click here to read the story – when I started my India journey (a lot of them from the North); the 87-year old Hindu freedom fighter; the Hindu guesthouse manager in Jaipur; a Muslim man in Jodhpur; a Catholic Goan I did the children’s party with and also toured me around; a Hindu Nepali waiter in Goa; a Sikh man from Punjab (and his lovely wife, plus their British couple in-laws) holidaying in Goa; and a Catholic businessman from Mumbai who made sure I did not miss my stop etc.

.... The fact was that most Indian men I interacted with in the North were disgustingly sleezy and lecherous. Almost daily I had to protect myself from inappropriate touching while I walked down streets. I have about 5 stories to share, but I had a LOT more less shocking experiences, such as karate-chopping some hands away from me when I figured the men were about to reach out or “brush” against me while they walked past; or men and women trying to fool me or take money from me (same same but different as other countries). Male travellers got the constant touts and scams just as much as the females. But we had to deal with these “extras”.

My first unfavourable experience unfortunately was from my Indian friend. He was not disgustingly sleezy and lecherous, but he acted a lot of times in ways that I did not appreciate; or he did not explain his reasons well…. I met him as a traveller with his girlfriend, while in Thailand. We all organised to meet up, but it was mostly him who took the time to show me around as she was very busy. I trusted him enough (we gained a lot of trust from each other after Thailand), and I was grateful to him for making sure I saw the important places, helped me save a lot of money, and helped fix other problems such as unlocking my phone and getting my watch fixed. He opened his home and introduced me to his family, friends, relatives and his life. Because of him I was safe (from other Indians), had a LOT of fun, met interesting people, and had local experiences I never dreamed I would have in the short time I spent in places he showed me. For example, drinking milk from a street stall and attending a 25th wedding anniversary celebrated Indian-style. But, I wasn’t safe from him, to a point, and had I met him as the street hustler he is, not as a fellow traveller, and if we didn’t get to know each other well in Thailand, I wouldn’t have trusted him. I never doubted he cared about my welfare. He also mentioned that even in Thailand (I knew what he meant as we both noticed it then) he felt strongly bonded to me, which made him feel protective towards me and made him go out of his way to do things for me. If he reads this post, I know (though I hope he’d forgive me) he’d be very affected by it. Time will tell if our bond will overcome any problems this blog will bring up.... The problem was (or problems were), he introduced himself as my boyfriend, to make sure 3 guest house managers knew I was under his “protection”. But there was no need for it (??), surely!??! It was good coz it kept other men from trying moves on me (you will read a story later for when he didn’t “protect” me, the manager sleezed on me), so I let it be, but it infuriated me that he decided it without letting me know, and not admitting it when I asked (the managers told me).... He also assumed he could sleep in my room because he wanted to walk me safely to the train station in the early hours/dark (5am-ish). While in Thailand we were all in the same accommodation, so he probably assumed the same trust still applied. But it wasn't just us two then. Thankfully I had 2 single beds :-/…. I also thought he liked the “protection” too much, especially as people were complimenting our “pairing” while he toured me. He said I was giving him “PR”…. We spoke about our relationships at the train station. I told him I’m looking for a man who only wants to give to me; as all/most men wants to take from me, or gives expecting something in return. Selfless giving. Joyful giving without negative vested interests. It is up to me to accept and give back, but it shouldn’t be expected, and it should never be taken. My friend knew I was not attracted to him and that I respected his girlfriend, but I felt he was becoming/became one of those men, affecting my comfort in our friendship. He pushed a lot of the boundaries. I was most disappointed (which is why he is in this list, this action could be deemed disgusting) when while he talked about why his girlfriend was crazy about him, he showed me a very inappropriate photo. Maybe he felt too bonded and comfortable with me, ugh. I was thankful it happened 5 minutes before I boarded the train. The glimpse, before I smacked his hand and cellphone away from my vision, scarred me for life.

Second was a photographer in Agra – my second stop. This deserves its own blog. It’s a weird one, as I am still not sure how much of it was him just(!!??) trying to have sex with me and taking me to a room…? And how much of it was not a figment of my imagination where I really thought I was targeted by the mafia/gang in Agra (I was still innocent smiles and friendly face then) - to be kidnapped, or drugged and raped/sold. I tried to lose him from my track, so I took more than 2 hours inside of Taj Mahal instead of 30 minutes as I said. Still he was waiting for me before the exit, instead of photographing other tourists at the entrance. My gut instinct showed me I was marked and he had other people (tag team) watching me the whole time so he knew exactly where I was. I was scared to death for my safety, and I did not trust the police. I did not stop praying from the time I saw him at the exit, to chatting and taking photos inside the Taj Mahal while I silently planned my modus operandi/escape, to when he took me to McDonalds to spend more time with me when my other stories/excuses didn’t work, and until he quickly dropped me off at the train station. I was exhausted while I played all my trump cards and spent another 4 hours with him. I decided it was better to deal with him alone, make him see me as a person, not as a product. I couldn’t run away as the “gang” was a bigger opponent to fight. They’d also have people outside the Taj and I was in unfamiliar territories. My most vulnerable was when I had to go inside a closed down computer room. I already scanned it for escape routes and stayed next to the door, ready to hit him and break down glass with the chair I was sitting on and grab the first tourist I saw if the situation became dangerous. I couldn’t find another tourist/group (who will not be just as vulnerable as me) to help. He offered me water (sealed, but still could have been drugged) and I was watching his hand and movements like a hawk, which I think he noticed, lol ugh. Then we rode his motorbike to get something to eat as he wanted to show me his hospitality. I swear he was showing me off as a “product”, as he beeped at 2 people at different locations and I saw them looking mostly at me, and stopped to talk to another person who checked me out while they spoke in their dialect. Then he took me to McDonalds (to give me a false sense of safety) but only after I kept stressing I did not want to go to a restaurant I didn’t know and I did not want to go too far. I kept the pretence I was clueless and friendly. I told him a lot of basic truths but also made up so many stories to make him see me as a person. I pretended I was in the tourism industry and gave him my email address so he could contact me when he visits my Asian country where I would introduce him to my crazy international friends (used his sex dreams with Europeans against him). I told him a lot of my girlfriends have casual sex and loved having fun, typical of the tourism industry. But I talked about my religion and how sex was sacred for me/us, and agreed to not sleep with my fiancée until after marriage in April. I used a picture of one of my fit male friends which happened to be in one of the old cellphones I ended up carrying (thank you R, you don’t know how much I needed your photo then, hahahah, whew!). I had to go into details about how I controlled the urges, as he kept talking about sexual stuff. I made him see me “pure” by choice, but with the benefit of introducing him to wild girls, and it worked. I also concentrated on getting to know him and his family, to create a “relationship/connection”. His phones after our bike ride kept ringing and he showed a lot of tension or deep thoughts on his face. I think he tried to let me escape him while in McDonalds (when he went to the toilet), but I still didn’t feel confident I could run away (to be honest I think my legs felt weak). I decided to stay with him and talk more about my religion. I made him think my train was at 7.50pm back to Delhi, but one hour before 5.50pm (1750 hours on my train ticket) I pretended to realise my mistake and that he misunderstood me. I was heading to Ajmer for a wedding but back in Delhi a few days later. So if anything was planned from McDonalds onward, I prayed it wouldn’t be ready yet. He was always a bit uneasy from this stage, and I knew I got to him, and he was fighting with demons inside – either the fact that he was letting me go without getting “good feelings” from me, or that he felt responsible to protect me and get me to the train station safely. Before we rode his bike I heard him on the phone mentioning “Fort” (there’s an Agra Fort train station). I was catching my train at Agra Cantt. He asked twice beforehand if I was sure my train was at Cantt! All this drama could have been a figment of my imagination as I said at the start, but if I was dealing with a gang, he may have taken them off our “track” by sending them to the wrong train station. Then while we were riding back, he advised me to not accept drinks and talk to other Indians no matter what they say. I couldn’t help it, I answered, “but that’s you, and I tried and said no to you several times, but you wouldn’t let me go”. Though I was not completely sure, I felt by then he was really letting me go, so I let slip I wasn’t completely clueless. He could also read between the lines. Then the funniest thing, he was offering to give me money – 500 rupees – he said in case I needed it. I declined, said I had enough til I get to my friends waiting for me in Ajmer (I was heading to Jaipur), but thank you. It could have been my pay for the hardwork I did for about 4 hours with him, lol ugh. When we got to the train station, I was trying to have a picture with him on his bike (for memories, serious! hahahah!) but he could not wait to rush out of there, making excuses he is not allowed to park there and the police will take him. Again, I think to disassociate himself with me quickly, in case other gang members saw us(???). Who worries about police and parking at the train station in India??? Be aware, any relation to crime, you will see it at major/touristy train stations in India. I said God bless him, he rode away quickly, and I walked fast inside the train station, where I prayed for him some more and thank God I was safe. But the tension stayed and I did not feel safe-ish until I was in the company of my friend in Jaipur. He and the 2 military men I met (whom gave me some feelings of security) while waiting at Agra Cantt confirmed with me the mafia in Agra and how bad it is. That gangs have police protection. That I made the right decision to not sleep there, being a single female traveller. But I’m sure there were other travellers, possibly single and female, whom had a wonderful time there too. Lucky them.

Third was a guesthouse owner/manager in Udaipur, who pretty much expected me to have sex with him 2 hours after I arrived in his establishment. Thankfully I ended up in great company with a gentleman of an Irish man, and I was able to discuss with him my problems with Indian men, and the comments and interactions I had with the owner of the guesthouse we were staying at. I knew I wasn’t making it up as in 24 hours he witnessed some of what I had to deal with (from the manager and outside) and I related to him my interactions with the manager when I was away from his protection. When he became clued in, he kept me safe, and I spent a full day in Udaipur free from any gropes. I didn’t care about how the Indian men saw our relationship and how they looked at me/us. I was so relaxed with him, spent a great birthday dinner with him, and eternally grateful for his selfless kindness. We had lots of laughs making fun of how he needed to protect me and my honour, how no one was protecting him from “my advances and gropes” (jokes), and what he should expect from the manager after I left during “chai party” or when invited to ride his motorbike to watch the sunset. I truly appreciated Irish’s friendship. Thank you again if you are reading this! :-)

Fourth was an Indian businessman who overheard me asking for direction back to the train station from a woman, from Churchgate station to Victoria Terminus in Mumbai. It was about 8.30pm, after work, and people were heading to the train station along with us, which was 10 minutes walk away. My guard was up though I thought he was kind to offer as he headed the same way. We had very random conversations, no inappropriate comments, so when he insisted to buy me a drink, I thought it would be rude of me to decline, but I stressed I could only detour for 15 minutes as I had friends to catch up with and bags to pick up in the cloakroom. All was fine, no drugs slipped into my drink. But 2 minutes after we left the restaurant, 2 minutes away from the train station, he demanded a kiss!!!??! $^&%*^*^!!!?????! I strongly declined and he backed away but walked fast along with me saying he meant no offense, that it was simply an understanding between 2 people. I thought even hinting the “understanding between 2 people” was inappropriate and I was so offended I decided to put some thoughts back into his head. I related back to him “nicely” he has a wife and 3 children. That it is considered cheating to have these “understandings” in my country; and that his behaviour was exactly what I was telling him that made me very disgusted with his fellow Indian men. That in other countries, and men from other cultures, would not dare disrespect us women like them Indian men do us continuously in his country. That he is disrespecting his wife and exposing her and his children to sexually transmitted diseases. And she must be having sex with other men too if these “understandings” existed. Etchetera etchetera. He kept disagreeing with me nicely, and I kept talking loud enough for passersby to hear – for example, how he just asked me to kiss him after meeting me for 10 minutes so he is giving me the impression that the Indian women freely gives their kisses as well, coz he was so relaxed and casual about asking me. Etchetera etchetera. He didn’t know what hit him. Then I said I had to go, no need to take me inside further. Thank you, shook hands and walked off. I felt quite satisfied. I'm so very sorry to all my Indian friends, ack.

Fifth was a boy waiter from a beach restaurant in Goa. Earlier I complimented him (to a friend) for not being sleezy and charming us like his other colleagues, and did not even really interacted with us. But, in a most disappointing and unexpected turn, he asked me if he could join me inside the toilet (while I was going in and he was next to the door) after he showed me where it was. He initially he took me to the shower where he was also right behind me, and I excused it as a cultural thing – maybe Indians peed in the shower. I was so shocked I could not pee/move, and I could still hear him outside the door, so I stormed out of the toilet 10 seconds later. Thankfully the taxi was already booked before this happened, so we left soon after.

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Postscript:

Once I was in the South, from Kerala area downwards, my experiences have been calm, friendly and nice. No incidents! Such a contrast, which made me really appreciate it more. And I had a wonderful/great time! :-)


... If I didn't have to survive the men, I could have enjoyed and concentrated on the fact that I thought India was a romantic place. A magical place. Or a place that even with all its flaws managed to creep into my heart. 


Here are some of the reasons why:
- Udaipur with the way the palaces and nice buildings and the city was set up around the lake. It felt nostalgic and couples could stay in romantic accommodations and have meals in restaurants overlooking the lake. I chose well to spend my birthday there for the fact that I thought it would be calm and relaxed with a nice surrounding where everywhere was easy to get to.
- Jodhpur with its winding roads, hills and small alleys. And the Mewargarh Fort. An amazing backdrop, espcecially the view at night when it was lit up. I stayed in a kitsch, really old haveli with all the trimmings that made the place interesting. And the colours of the saris of the Rajasthani women!!
- Jaipur late in the afternoon, an hour or two before the sun had set. I watched all the kites flying up in the sky within the (old) Pink City. They were everywhere! I saw the kites do their "war dances" as they competed with one another or showed off intricate moves to other  fliers, daring them to copy. So many people and so much commotion within the dilapidated, high, old buildings. People going about their business. Because they were above ground, it was like they were on stage and on show.
- Goa's quieter beaches where one/couples can relax, enjoy the sunset, eat seafood and drink fruit lassi. The sunrise from Mumbai to Goa was breathtaking!
- Kerala backwaters which is actually quite vast. Enjoy an overnight stay (or longer) in one of the botels or more rustic accommodation. Visit some of the villages.
- Varkala, south cliff. Relax in the quieter and nicer part of town. Receive some pampering, getting ayurveda treatment, or just while the time away. I woke up early in the morning to watch the fishermen circle the sea as they brought in their nets to haul their catch for the day. Go to one of the less touristy villages/areas to watch locals go about their normal life. The beach was also less crowded or had a handful of people only in it.