Top Tens - Autumn List 2012

Ten Things I Love

1. The smell of freshly washed bedsheets, pillowcases and covers ♥☺

2. Flowers! All kinds of flowers!! Love how they smell! Love the way they look! Love wearing them on my hair or ears! ♥☺

3. Eating out and trying out different cuisines

4. The feeling of gratefulness when problems were resolved or ended ♥

5. Iced chocolate drink with ice cream

6. Growing up spiritually

7. Confirmation I made appropriate life decisions

8. Acts of service

9. Chivalry

10. Old fashioned courtship

Ten Things I Miss

1. The beach - warm sea water while swimming and warm sand

2. My siblings' kids/babies!! :-((

3. Reading a good book

4. Having my own place. But still, I love where I live ♥♥!!

5. Protective hugs

6. My hands being kept warm

7. Hotter weather. It’s getting colder!

8. Acts of service

9. Chivalry

10. Old fashioned courtship

Ten Things I Don’t Like

1. It's time. Have to deal with a financial issue from my past (problem#3, the last one, ugh)

2. Chasing debts, wondering when and if I will get the full payment. I dislike it when the issue is about money!

3. People who don’t actively pursue solutions to problems, especially when the other party is me. I know this power game – child’s play – trying to prevent me from moving forward. "Breathe and roll with the punches" (quoted from a colleague).

4. Pettiness. Petty talks. People, stop gossiping negatively about others!

5. Mixed messages, especially regarding the dating "games". Action speaks louder than words/fears/intents. "Love is the easy part. It's making it work that is hard" (More than a decade old quote from an old friend, Gerard, whom I lost contact with pre-2000. I still remember this chat ☺).

6. Me in this complaining mood, ugh. Stop.

7. (Been reading my old diaries. I was strong and independent, but too trusting, nice and gullible. Hopefully still, but also wiser and more balanced ☺). Too many diaries. Intend to burn/shred them after reading, one already gone ☺.

8. Took close to 100 "friends" off the list in my social networking profile. Our chance to get to know each other better, albeit online, had long passed. Then, I prefer to restrict their access to more personal parts of my life whenever possible. :-)

9.

10.

Ten Goals for 2012 (Pretty much the same since Summer 2012's Top Ten List!)

1. Not shopping for clothing/footwear/etc until the end of this year. I have more than enough and my higher needs will not be met buying more! Not that I shop – spent less than $40 total since New Year 2012 ♥☺. About $30 spent on a competition team shirt I wore this week/end.

2. Start and finish online course to teach English as a Second Language.

3. Get rid of problem number 3.

4. See the solar eclipse, 13-14 November 2012, around Port Douglas.

5. Improve financially. Time to "nest egg"....

6. Really work on learning the 3 languages I said I will be fluent in after 5 years.

7. Have even lesser material things. Too many paperwork and reading materials in my room.

8. Be healthier. When active, I seem to not crave eating junk foods or drinking or smoking (i love shisha).

9. Find product/s to prevent bites and cuts from getting worse and lingering on my skin, that I won’ be sensitive to, ugh.

10. Learn to ride a scooter. Get my licence. Relearn to drive, or actually, to park.

Easter - The Story Before Chocolate Eggs and Hot Cross Buns

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

Christ is risen!


To hear the true Easter story, reach for the Bible and read Mark 14 to 16.


If you don't have a Bible, or do not feel like reading, click here and  LISTEN to the story (11 mins, Mark 15-16).

You can also READ the Easter story using this link, even while listening to the audio if you prefer.


Enjoy and Happy Easter everyone! :-) ♥

Deaths

Last month (and now), I received many reminders of how fleeting our lives are. Many people around me dealt with love ones passed away, love ones not eventuating, and love ones in the brink of their lives due to old age or sickness. There were unexpected (un)natural deaths of people my age, early to mid 30s; of children and below (planned and unplanned); and (un)expected death of elderlies from ages 50 up.

Four weeks ago, an incident made me reflect on how I’ve lived my life. I found I was okay with dying, and it was good to know. I would prefer to live of course(!!), there’s still so much to life! My few regrets were superficial (eg, not having climbed to the Summit of Mt Everest, etc) or they were in the hands of other people. I had taken as far as I could (regardless the reception eg by family, friends, etc) those situations where I knew if I didn't act I would carry the burdens of guilt or regrets. So really, I no longer have those regrets, as they were replaced by acceptance.

I felt peace and contentment, despite knowing I would have missed out on more/other experiences I deemed important, such as pregnancy and giving birth; seeing the love and smile across my husband’s face as he looked at my wrinkled face, mostly grey hair and toothless grin; holding hands as my man and I giggled and walked slowly due to our age while the world buzzed by; and seeing my grandchildren grow. I would be grateful to experience those too, if given the opportunity :-).

The sadness I felt were from my awareness of regrets (a few) people may feel from my passing away. They were wistful thoughts and assumptions, but I imagined actions/inactions that they possibly thought they had time to do but almost did not. Lost opportunities.

…. To my blog readers, don’t let fear, complacency, apathy or pride prevent you from making things right with people you (would likely) feel regret/s towards. Don’t mistake calling your fear of taking actions as wisdom. The time is now, for later is not guaranteed.

It is really that simple.

Practice love. Enjoy life and live to love :-).

Tough

I wonder how many of the 21,000 that participated in the 20km endurance course with military style obstacles, are taking today off????

Second day is always the worst when recuperating - I knew that. My upper body is fine (tired but not in pain, or maybe numbed). The top of my head is soft and tender, but I'll live. My lower body, from below my butt down to my big toes, on the other hand, is screaming and throwing tantrums!!! Angrily scolding me for putting it through so much physical stress! My legs were refusing to carry my weight :-).

There were 10 + 4 of us initially (2 teams). But we lost 6 guys from our group of 10 even before we reached the first obstacle. I don't know what the deal with that was, camaderie disregarded straight away :-/. So we "buddied up" - my colleague and I, with my friend and her boyfriend. Same set-up as the other team of 4 (my friend's sister, a friend's brother, plus 2). The four of us went through all the walls together, the toxic icy pools, and the mystery course.

My first injury occurred during the first obstacle, while I climbed over a tall wall. I tried to jump it alone and stubbed my toe, heheheh. I needed a boost up. Going down on the other side, I don't know what klutzy move I did but I banged my knee hard. It hurt!!! Both of them hurt! I scrunched my face (instead of pouting), told myself "don't be a baby!", and continued on.

More running and obstacles such as crawling on rocks under a heavy net made with ropes. Then we reached the arctic-cold pools, where we had to walk, dip and submerge our whole body into a pool of melted ice. I, of course, chose the pool where I could see bags of ice being frantically poured into the water. It was a conscious decision. I wanted the FULL experience, hahahah ugh. I'm crazy that way. When I submerged I felt the ice on my arms, legs and cheeks. I popped out on the other side SCREAMING!!!! My body went into shock and as I pushed forward to the end of the pool my calves tightened. We got out and kept running, somewhere along the 4km mark. The dip actually felt good. It cooled down our bodies. But alas, my calves stayed tight, until both severely(!!) cramped a few minutes later.

I had a pre-condition, my thighs and calves were already tight on Thursday (2 days before the event. Instead of resting for 5 days, I made a very bad decision to attend the circuit session on Monday, lift lighter weights on Tuesday (to taper down) and attended my self defense training on Wednesday night (where I expected to be punching air or the pads, instead of bone to bone contact coz I attacked and counter-attacked the guys!). I had sore arms and tight thighs/calves the next day, with only 2 days to recuperate/rest. I knew by Friday afternoon I had a " very small problem" but I NEVER imagined it would debilitate me with cramps!!! :-/

Thankfully it didn't occur to me to cry. My friend's boyfriend was with me at the time, I had to call him back to help me. He saw how bad it was. I hopped/walked with it until we reached the first aid station #1. I think I was the first participant to be injured so early in the game :-/. My ego did not like it :-/.

Quitting or resting was NOT an option for me as it would have stopped the team too early on in the event! :-(((.... It would have disappointed me to let the team or my partner down, and to let myself down. So I soldiered on. The fight at this stage became more mental than physical.

I walked or crawled-ran, the cramps affected my calves in waves. I jogged when I felt the cramps were slight, then stopped quickly to walk/hop when they threatened to lock-up tight. Already pushing my legs to their limit. I still had 16km plus obstacles to go through. My team of 4 stayed with me during that 1-2km, which I was thankful for. I don't know how fast or slow I was, but I kept moving.

My memory was fuzzy around here. I was fighting too many battles - mental and physical. I can't remember which happened first - the Berlin walls (higher walls) or the first muddy section where we crawled under barbed wires in slushy mud and trudged through a lot of mud. There must have been two sections of Berlin Walls, with the muddy challenges and the 5 metre jump to swim an icy lake in between!!??! Slowed by my cramps, I went ahead after the walls while my team helped other teams to return the favour of being helped by others. I did a lot of the muddy challenges alone but they caught up and saw me pushing a big guy up the mud hill so he could reach the hands reaching down to him :-). I was disabled but not incapable :-).

My friend gave me some electrolytes after this mud hill, which I think helped with the cramps but didn't stop it. I had several cramps, tightness and pains constantly complaining. Mud was painfully lodged too far inside between my nail and left thumb. The strong wind and sun burned simultaneously. A splinter managed to go through my left gloves (could not remove it until about 36 hours later). My lips are plumped and bruised now but I don't know why nor how..?? I also skillfully rammed my head against a wooden structure to give myself a concussion, as I concentrated on not slipping on the mud that I did not look up enough when I climbed up. Thankfully I did not vomit. It was just extremely painful and made me dizzy, so there was no reason to stop. ;-)

We were all a mess. Other participants were also cramping and in similar conditions. We queued together for the lake jump and climbed the last of the Berlin walls with my friend's sister's team. I didn't see any of them anymore afterwards. My colleague and I buddied up from here all the way to the finish line. We caught up to the other guys we lost at the start somewhere around the 14km mark, and close to the finish line.

Despite my condition, I still made sure I ENJOYED every single obstacle. I remembered always smiling - yes STILL smiling - no matter how scared I was that I would get a severe cramp while I swam in the icy lake (and drown); while I waded in the mud; or crawled inside a tight hole (and be stuck); or while I ran through the burning bales of hale where I couldn't see where I was going and suffocated from the smoke (and die if not pulled out in time)!!! Generally, I was smiling because I knew I wouldn't die, and it was very unlikely I would severely injure myself (I carried that confidence throughout the course), and I did not know if I would go through those experiences again, so I savoured every moment.

While I crawled through sloshy mud under barbed wires, I slipped and slid. I got frustrated coz it was when my cramps were still new, so my feet were useless. I tried to go on my back  and all I did was make mud angels! Funny in hindsight :-). I must have thought it was funny too coz I remembered becoming playful and I pulled myself out using my elbows and knees. I know I was smiling coz I thought it was fun when I got the hang of it. I even wanted to do it again! I did a celebratory arms-up-in-the-air at the end for a job well done! Woohoo!

There was a mudslide obstacle where, while I climbed the hill, I saw a few guys doing it head first. Of course I copied! It was about seizing the most of that moment :-). I went for it without checking how it looked below (yes, stupid, but I relied on the fact the event organisers also wouldn't be stupid to put blocks of wood or stones for people like me to avoid). I took a runner, dove down, realised it was steep when I FLEW and bounced hard (ouch!), parts of my exposed skin felt hot from my speed (ouch!), and panicked for a second when I saw an elderly staff member running to me like he wanted to stop me (if he was worried...!!). Then I slowed down, got up maybe smiling, coz he smiled back at me, and I left him to dunk into more mud to finish that obstacle. FUN! :-)

The 5 metre jump into the icy lake, that should have been my game! I'm a water baby :-)!! But the cramps were still strong and it was the cold that made it act up, so I rushed through it unfortunately. I planned to do an awkward somersault dive or a high jump into the water then maybe some more somersaults and underwater synchronised swimming with my buddy. Instead I conserved my energy and acted tamed, focused on just getting out of the water using my arms, with my legs heavy and motionless behind me. But I still chatted and joked with the guys as we swam across to the end of the lake, and thanked them as they pulled me out of the slippery mud.

There were jokes, smiles and encouragement along the way, all the time. The boys in my team sped up and joked they were leaving me to follow the lady that jogged past coz she had an awesome body and wore little. With the right comeback I said it was okay coz the fitter guys next to me were more than enough to keep me company. All the guys laughed and nodded at me with appreciation. Immediately there was laughter and good humour in our crowd. Along the way we met many very good-natured guys and we all just kept encouraging each other. It was nice for my buddy and I to know we were keeping/catching up with the same groups we started with.

This event was the hardest, most physically demanding and most mentally draining 4 hours I have EVER experienced. Everytime I was in the middle of the obstacle I steeled myself to not stop no matter how severe the pain (of the cramps were), told my body I owned it, and did anything I could to survive each challenge. For example I walked on my knees and hands in some muddy areas where my cramps were aggravated coz I kept slipping while I sludged through the mud, ugh! (I remembered the mobile phone advert where the penguin slid forward on his/her tummy while the rest walked with their little feet on the ice. That was how I imagined I looked, hahahah!!)

When I saw the 18km marker I knew I did it! I knew I was going to finish. I was already celebrating. And noticed that I still felt strong, despite my cramps using a lot of my energy and taking a toll on my body!!!!?! :-) I was celebrating and circling my buddy. We high-fived and were in good spirits.

I was doing one of my celebratory circling around my buddy, as we closed in to the second last obstacle, when a stupid spectator said something like, "if you are still smiling now, you must be an idiot". If he wasn't smiling too I wouldn't have known how to take what he said. That was how he joked I guess and his way of encouraging people!!!??! Fool! I didn't waste my time reading much into it. :-) I said, jogging backwards, smiling still, "no, not an idiot, just nuts!". :-)

I remembered around the last quarter of the course, a lady spectator smiled at me while I laid down on the first level of the mountain of hay coz I cramped when I pushed myself up. I happened to climb in the corner next to the spectators. She was encouraging me, told me the hay was made wide as it was so we could lie down splattered (like how I was for about 5 seconds) to rest. She mentioned I was still smiling so it couldn't be that bad (if she only knew). I joked with her, but rushed up as my buddy was up ahead. If I was alone I would have stayed to chat for a minute or two. :-)

The challenge called the Everest was the second last challenge. Aptly named as it was a very, very high wall. We were about 100 metres away from the last obstacle - electroshock therapy - and the finish line. There was a long queue. I still had a lot of energy/endurance, but my legs were spent. I used the queue time to psyche myself up. My buddy went up first. He was pumped by the music and exploded up (as he related to me later). I went in my zone, and used the athletic skills I learned as a runner and jumper (more than two decades ago, ack!) and went for gold! But I only aimed for the hands of the people up top. I reckon I could have actually done the whole thing on my own....? If it occurred to me to do it alone.... Anyway, I slowed to reach for hands, which caught me but made me hang and relied on their strength to carry me over (where I twisted my back in the process, UGH!), oops and thanks. One of the guys I met in the course was behind us and saw what I did. I bumped into his group later while I rested under a tree, and he told me that I was like Supergirl! He said I flew up! :-))

My buddy wanted to finish the course so we ended up not waiting for my friend and her boyfriend. We hobbled to the last obstacle and stood in front of it. Hahahah! We were both not looking forward to running through live wires and getting electrocuted. We looked at each other, with our eyes told each other, "here goes... let's go!" and went for it! :-) I got zapped once, or I only remember one coz I jolted sideways. I loved it coz I felt I was light on my feet and jumped the small bales like I had wings! It was easier than I imagined! I considered being cocky and stand still in the middle of the live wires to flex my muscles and show I was tough. I must have been still very pumped from doing the Everest challenge!! But, there the business of finishing instead. So I kept flying to mis-step and trip on the last bale, hahahah! Talk about being brought back down to earth! :-)

I jumped up to reach the wall of the finish line (to mark the end, just like I marked my start when I jumped to reach the wall at the starting line). It was a wonderful feeling to get there. 

When the headband was placed on my forehead, it felt like I was crowned, lol!

I received my free beer and t-shirt, sat down under a tree while my buddy joined the group shower, and I sipped a little bit of my beer. Buddy came back looking quite clean, and minded our "spoils" while I tried to remove mud on me in the weak shower, unsuccessfully. I could not bring myself to undress to my bra while being the only woman in the shower surrounded by men (joking about dropping the soap, etc hehehe); or to reach down inside my pants to wash off the mud that's accumulated within... eeeehhh heheh ugh :-).

We headed for the car to get change. I was shivering uncontrollably, the coldest I felt that day. Took our positions on opposite sides of the car and started shedding our gear. We were too tired, lazy and hungry to go back, so we headed home. Still proudly wearing our headbands!! :-))

Eight More Days of Reflection

* This week's activities also logged to compare to last week's post to see if I am really busy and out of curiousity - what do I notice in life as I go through my days (those I can share online anyway).

Tuesday:

‎1. Monday lunchtime's circuit class ran today. Getting better at gecko crawling and dips (with assist). We did alternating sets of pushups (with situps) and I was freaking out that I was finishing each set!!! Stronger! :-).... Expected to be "4th man" again tomorrow for the "men's boxing session".... ACK!!!!

2. Managed to rush to the fashion week's powder room to get *name withheld* (elderly long-term contractor at work) a free goodie bag. I'm gonna add to it stuff I got from shows and other goodie bags. I would love to make her smile :-) ♥. Thank you to a colleague/"twin sister" for leaving work early and agreeing to reserve my spot.

3. Late for Alpha duty, no tram passed - I Walked SO FAST it brought back memories when I used to compete in long-distance walkathons! I used my bag and hand-carries to cover up my rapid "swaggles" :-). TIRING! My shins and legs in slight pain (was wearing inappropriate sandals, then stood for several hours).

4. Today kitchen duties were easier, becoming pro :-). Must remember that the "sweeping thingie" that is not a vacuum is called a broom ;-) !!

Wednesday:

1. New bruise, same spot.... Felt very fragile and tender when I woke up today. Pushed my femininity aside to be a "man" during lunchtime boxercise with 3 guys; and to learn more, as a woman, from self defense training after work.

2. Many people decidedly spoke to me about having kids, today and yesterday. With or without a man. Out of love for children (the child a love gift to myself) versus with love for a man (the child a love gift to a man). THEY can (and making me) feel my clock ticking at 35. :-/

3. I had a near miss while walking home tonight, maybe almost died, or severely hurt. Very strong wind carried a piece of metal that nearly struck my neck or face. I felt it touch me, but am okay.... It made me think about who I last spoke to (bestie); whom I last said I love you to (mommy); regrets in life and love (very few handful); point #2 above; and if I should follow my heart or my mind.

4. (I'm leaving this blank tonight. The remnants of above are enough to deal with for today.)

Thursday:

‎1. Unisex boxercise = 1300+ punches and 135+ pushups, then switched roles. I'm not hurting. I'm actually very okay. Didn't partner with instructor, thankfully, so I didn't work out as hard. With half of March gone, I am trying to avoid injuries. Satisfied with my current fitness level. Also looking forward to life/schedule being less hectic after this military-style event.

2. Balance between work deadlines, fitness preparation, spiritual and family life a constant juggling act.

3. Home after 10pm, too late and too hungry to swim. Either do other exercises inside home (not motivated), forget about it (preferred), or swim early in the morning tomorrow before heading to work (not keen, may not happen).... *Went 7.30am Friday, dedication! :-).*

4. After a quick shower and quick dinner, could not stay awake. Asleep within minutes.

Friday:

‎1. I could not put down my work so I ended up with a VERY late lunchbreak. It was quite nice to be ALONE in the gym! I was singing out loud listening to Sarah Blasko's songs, while pumping weights! ;-)

2. Left a friday night out and fell asleep much earlier than planned. :-/

3. Woke up for early morning devotion and to catch up on studies (5 days behind, haven't look at it this week!)

4. Got nothing for #4. Didn't do much... :-))))))

Saturday:

‎1. Two weeks worth of laundry (2 loads) d-o-n-e!!! :-))

2. Swam freestyles (breathed sideways mostly without help from my snorkel, yey!) and breaststrokes.... A family with uncontrollable kids arrive so I stopped after 35mins. I played underwater instead and noticed my legs were naturally bouyant, always floated up. I pretended I was a synchronised swimmer - lotsa somersaults and twists. FUN! ;-))

3. Opera night - La Boheme.

4. Searched for and drank green beer - St Patrick's Day.

Sunday:

1. Been singing a lot lately.... today I sang praises fully and loudly during the 9am service, at home while alone, in the park, and in the shower. ♥

2. Mommy time. I love kissing her on her cheeks - public displays of affection! ♥

3. Sabbath - day of rest! Did as little chores as possible. No exercise. Mostly slept and read a book. ♥

4. So relaxed! - Laid down in the park with my scarves, drink and books/notes. Read with 50s big band music playing softly from my phone. I realised aside from the 3 free concerts I attended I haven't enjoyed summer outdoors this season! I rolled off my scarf several times to enjoy the cool grass - it felt great underneath me while the sun warmed my skin!! ♥

Monday:

1. Even after sleeping and resting most of yesterday, I woke up late for work today. It was hard to peel me off the bed. Lots of tasks to do.

2. Monday lunchtime circuit class. I’m thankful for group sessions like this. I don’t have to think too much about how to exercise. I just need to work out hard.

3. Yawned several times during the lecture tonight. Long day at work. With this class to attend (7-9pm), food shopping afterwards, then swimming (could only do laps for 25mins), and finally dinner (after 11pm).

4. I look at my room – 2 loads of laundry to fold and put away piled in one corner; a messy table where everything I touched but haven’t finished using yet or haven’t had time to properly put away are “resting”; excess junk food that won’t fit in the pantry; homework/study notes to read and do…. Oganised chaos or just mess??? No time now to fix, and when I could spare the time (on Sunday), I decided to give myself rest instead…. I could fold the clothes now, but it's already 12.30am and I'm still writing this post!!!! I need to sleep!!! :-/

Tuesday:

1. Surprised to wake up late again!!?! Dressed sleepily, remembered only that the weather would be hot, so I ended up wearing a summer dress to work that was probably a bit risque (short). Walked in windy weather afterwork (thankfully I had the foresight to wear bikeshorts underneath my dress). Cleaned the kitchen, served food and vacuumed the hall in inappropriate attire (think knives, hot water and bare legs). Survived the day with my modesty intact – thank you God! :-)

2. Grateful for the dinner I ate that was prepared for the Alpha course. With some to take home too for tomorrow’s lunch/dinner! I waited almost a year for tonight’s soup!! Yum!

3. One hour lunchtime gym session (rower, weights and stamina/core strengthening exercises). After kitchen duties, straight to the pool to swim mostly breaststrokes for 30 minutes. Harder workout than freestyles. I can really feel the tensions on my body without the spa to help relieve my muscles. Spa’s been out of service since Saturday!!! I don’t know when/how to make time for a masseuse!

4. Everything is and will be pretty much the same as last week. I realised I am balancing life well enough so I’m relieved. Feeling a sense of peace from accepting what is and will be, yet still adaptable for life to not go according to my plans. I also noticed I’ve been trying to less busy since last year. But my interest in soooh many things made it unlikely. I know after this military obstacle course event, I already have plans lined up to take up my "freed time". I felt the push towards these goals. Life is always about accepting or making changes. Accept or change? Accept or change :-).

What's In A Week?

Tuesday:

‎1. Felt so weak I gave up training in the gym after 30 minutes.
2. Played hard to catch - cute guy gave me "the interested look" while we walked fast over the bridge. At the stop light he said, "hi, (blah blah) you walk fast but it looks nice". I said thanks and continued my fast walk. He tried to keep up, letting me know he was racing with me. I left him behind after 3 blocks. Couldn't remove the smile on my face ;-).
3. Headed home (8.30pm) with a big container full of boiled rice and IT WAS HEAVY! I struggled to carry it!! The whole time I was thinking, "how am I going to cope carrying a LOG at the end of this month!!!??!

4. Did my 45mins of swimming. A guy of a certain descent used the pool with me. As I passed him, his hand reached towards me, ACK!! I grabbed hold of it in time! I stood up still holding his hand, and asked him what he was trying to do!!!? He apologised, said he was not a good swimmer. I let go, and told him to be careful please as I did not want the incident repeated. Lucky for him I couldn't do much underwater! To think I thought I could let my guard down now.... :-/

Wednesday:

‎1. Slept after 3am, chinwagged (oopsie, hahah). Woke up before 8am. Tried to be creative but could not match clothes and footwear for 30mins. Kept thinking, "what the heck am I wearing!!??!".
2. Stepping out of the gym after 15mins of not trying. Three guys walked in, in need of a 4th person to partner up for boxing. I said, "okay but softly softly for me please, I feel flat". More than a 1500 punches and 115 pushups later, I switched places with our instructor and did it all over again with him (caught the punches)!! Great news was he said I was ready for the obstacle course event, woohoo!!!

3. Rushed after work to Krav Maga session where tonight I learned a variety of groin kicks and how to roundhouse on both legs.
4. Thankful for the spa to soothe my pulped arms and bruised legs. Wishing for a sports massage. Praying for restful and unbroken sleep. Good night ♥ xoxox !

Thursday:

‎1. Restful sleep until 3am, devotion and studies until 5.30am. Back to sleep until time to go to work.
2. Attended our usual boxercise session - today 700+ punches and 75 pushups then switched roles. Each punch I threw and caught felt like I was also getting hit across my ribs. OOOUCCHHH! Fellas were impressed yesterday and surprised/glad I showed up for todays class. (I have so many bruises....) I admit feeling good about my instructor also being in pain coz it meant I made the workout hard for him too, eheheh.

3. Cooked a feast of fried rice!!! Ack! Still had to throw away a lot of leftover boiled rice :-/ ....
4. Just decided to go to the spa again now before I continue my studies. Thankful tonight will be more relaxed, just relaxing at home. Praying to learn my lessons well and to apply them well in life.

Friday:

‎1. Nothing is worse than preferring to sleep but waking up alert in the middle of the night. Yet, had lots of clear thoughts about myself, my passions/styles, and others/interactions/relationships. Experienced an epiphany that was so clear I could not deny nor disregard it... ♥ scared/excited ♥.
2. Attracted a LOT of dogs today... all of them followed my scent well. Helped with some canine training :-).

3. I always said I have mostly great colleagues. Today (this week) was full of reminders of why I appreciated them. Thank you always ♥. For example within the gym today, while I practised my kicks on the punching bag, a colleague stopped his own training to hold the body pad so I could kick him instead! Then another helped to fine-tune my moves. Then another offered to work on other combos with me next week. Plus the other 3 who were already advising/training/helping me! I'm so blessed ♥.
4. Fashion Week started. Melbourne is full of beauuuuwwwtiful looking people!! It's great, fun to dress up (love that the guys are making an effort too), socialise with the "in" crowd, and giggle with the girls.... BUT, in the scheme of things, it felt... full of.... utter meaninglessness :-/.... If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person :-).

Saturday:

‎1. No workout today. Not even a pushup or situp ♥ :-))).
2. Almost bought a big rock on a ring - blingy but classy. Stopped by a friend who was adamant diamond rings should be given to a girl, or else buy myself the a diamond pendant or earrings instead...?? :-(
3. Feels weird having "thinned" hair.... Hairdresser said I had enough for 2 people. She cut them off and left me with much less than half to work with, eheheh, ack.
4. Celebrated birthdays and birth ♥.

Sunday:

‎1. I love going to church on Sundays. It is a part of my day that I devote to God. During my sojourns (2007 onwards) it helped to focus my whirlwind life. I still don't know where I got my energy those mornings I ran to church for the 9am service when I was dancing and awake with girlfriends til after 4am!!?! Nowadays I'm more into growing and getting to know his Word.
2. Two birthdays, one lunch, yummy cake! Happy birthday!! :-) Sorry I couldn't join the group to the fair. And fyi, as per conversation,http://eniar.org/news/Moomba.html, hihihih!
3. More fashion and girliness with mommy, sister and sis' friend. ♥
4. Ran for the pool to squeeze in 30mins of swimming! But it was already locked, lights off, and closed early!!! UGH! Did a few pushups at home instead (uninspired).

Monday:

1. Public holiday, yey! Grateful for the extra day off ♥. Still woke up way too early but lazed in bed watching Bambi II and Pinocchio. Blogged too -"I'mPerfect". Please say it again, “I’m perfect”… :-).
2. Swam freestyle for 45mins, 20-25mins of it without the snorkel's mouthpiece. Drowned maybe 10 times, but kept going, ack :-). My ears are still clogged. Stayed 30mins in the spa afterwards. My body feels strong but I seem to take longer to recuperate.... Signs of older age??? :-/

3. Thank you God. I finally did not feel sleepy and was even very attentive during tonight's lecture (lesson 4)! ♥
4. Grocery shopping (thankful shop open til midnight) – ALL healthy foods. I have lots of excess/junk foods in my pantry (I did not buy). I don't know what to do with them, where to hide or place them!!??! I feel bad feeding them to friends, colleagues and groups as they complain about temptations or their diets ruined! l really wish they were healthy snacks, or proper foods, then I would have eaten all of them by now. My head starts to ache when I see them. Is it possible to get stressed from seeing too much junk food?? :-/

I’mPerfect

…. Those times you describe yourself as “imperfect”, I am asking you to change how you say it to “im perfect”. Imagine the word, put a space between the letters ‘m’ and ‘p’, then read it out (aloud or in your head, as long as you say it). “I’m perfect.”

Say it again, “I’m perfect”… :-).

It’s not about ego, or pride or vanity. It’s about knowing that how we communicate to ourselves is pivotal to how well we like and accept who we are. We (our minds) demand and expect so much from ourselves. To the point of not being acceptably happy with whom we are and what we have.

I understand and agree that we all have our flaws and weaknesses. It is part of being human. And we either strive to improve ourselves, accept who we are, or wallow in our different levels of self-pity. Striving to improve and self-acceptance are healthier stages in life we should always be at. It is also okay to feel less or pity one’s self at times. Life is much tougher for some people (e.g. physical disabilities, but I found they usually have better self-image than those who are able-bodied). However, these negative self-talks are only okay temporarily, and only if they inspire you to change and improve your situation/self; or only if you know you are just being dramatic, because deep down you know you don’t really believe the complaints you are highlighting in your foolish head :-).

I know too many people who are not happy with something about them. It could be:

- Physical (too short, too tall, too dark, too light, scarred skin, knocked-knees, big hips, no waist, square butt, no butt, huge ass, grey hair, curly hair, straight hair, big feet, small feet, common faced, goofy faced, square-eyed, flat nose, crooked nose, witch’s nose, too lanky, too stocky, sagging breast, flat chest, huge breast, too fat, too skinny, not sexy, not hot, not gorgeous, not pretty enough – you get the picture); or

- Abilities/Inabilities (not smart enough, too slow, can’t cook, can’t swim, can’t drive, can’t speak other languages, can’t public speak, stutter, can't stop snoring, can’t dress well, can’t be creative, not brave, not confident, not good enough)

These inner dialogues are unhealthy and unkind! We need to shift our mindframe into understanding that we are all created to be different. And that it is absolutely okay to be however we were built, and to be struggling with how to deal with some things. Concentrate on your strengths, on doing well what you can, and you’ll see the flaws are not the bigger picture. What you consider your flaws, others may even see as your charms :-).

Accept what you are given and work on what you have. You are perfect.

Clearly

Yesterday (last night) was interesting....

I started my day very tired, when I woke up. I prayed to feel better, then crawled to and around work. Prayed for superhuman strength and partnered up with Hulk(!!!), our trainer(!!), during boxercise (he complimented me for doing well, met him punch for punch and never dropped down, thank you God). Prayed for more energy as I walked from work to attend a volunteers' meeting after 6pm. Thanked God I was home around 10.30pm. Showered etcetera. Sort of resting in bed after 11.30pm.

I turned on my laptop to check online life quickly. Prayed to God thanking Him for my healing and my endurance; then prayed for more strength/alertness, guidance and clarity to write my next blog. I was setting up to get comfortable when suddenly my netbook turned off. It did not feel like it caught on anything but the plug/fourth/jack (what is it called?) that goes into the computer dislodged, for no obvious reason. The battery was not connected.

Confused I looked around the cord and my netbook, made sure it was not tangled. I deduced that I probably yanked my netbook too hard without realising. In my mind I also spoke to God, "Is this you telling me to not write? Telling me enough, go to sleep? I don't know but if my netbook turns off again, I will assume so....".

I turned the computer on again, placed it securely on my bed. Set my alarm. Turned off the light. Picked up my netbook to place it on top of my pillow.... OFF! The cord disconnected again! I sat there carrying my netbook mid-air, digesting the event. My bullheadedness considered turning it on again. Either I wanted to test God again, to be sure; or because I did not want to give up(!) frustratingly(!) over a simple obstacle/coincidence. I lowered my laptop on the table, then went to bed. I was knocked out, asleep within minutes....

Today I reflected on what happened. I was quite glad I listened. I really needed to sleep. I got so caught up with doing so much and praying for restful sleep instead, because I was assured God would give it. I grew up this way and He always empowered me. So despite my fears and fragility, I had the tendency to still push forward with (over)confidence, loving life and living with/to love....

Also, if I forced myself to write about the topic I formed in my head, I would have written it in very tired and emotional state. I prayed to God to guide my writing. He knew I was not in the right frame of mind. Knowing how I would be like (stubborn, especially when tired) He answered my prayers in a manner that would be clear to me. Thank God I listened.

One Month To Go!

February’s almost over! It has been about four weeks since I started working out for the 20km event – advertised as “probably the toughest obstacle course event on the planet”, ack!

Monkey bars. I don’t think I'd succeed. But I’d still go through them and enjoy doing it! Then I’d also find out how many bars I could actually cross. There could also be a very strong possibility that I’d surprise myself or adrenaline rush would enable me to succeed! :-)

I increased my exercise from twice a week to 6 days a week, mainly weights training and swimming. My lunchbreaks were spent in the gym. I carried, pushed and pulled MUCH heavier weights. I pushed harder from the second week, which was when I realised I really needed to get my strength to the point where I could carry my own weight without support for at least 20 dips. I can now do 3 to 5, depending on how low I dip and how tired (or warmed up) my arms were.

I don’t like to run. I struggle to stay motivated past 5 minutes, and hit my “wall” immediately. I don’t like how it makes my knees feel. I went from being a die-hard athlete in primary and high school days to choosing running as a last option. I prefer to row, swim or bicycle instead. This could be an issue during the event as the guideline stated I should be able to run at least 14km. My possible partner had been warned, and he was encouraging (said we have 6 hours to finish and it will give him time to rest, hahahah, sweet!). I know I’d “stop-start-fast-walk” it, with the help of my natural perseverance. I did an 8km marathon (with only two 4km practice runs) in under 60 minutes last year. I figured I know I could endure 2.5 hours of running, plus the time it’d take us to finish 20-30 obstacles. Four hours tops of crazy tough fun! Bring it on! :-)

To improve my cardio, at least twice a week I swam  - 15 metres times 100 laps – more than a mile each session. I’ve never sweated so much while in water before! It was a challenge on the first week. But boring on the second week, so I timed myself to make it interesting - 10 laps in 3 minutes when doing freestyle and 3.5minutes when breast stroke. Now, I just swim for over 35 minutes without counting how many laps I did. I don't finish til after about 40 minutes to compensate for any stops/breaks/breathers during each session. And I just realised while writing this I should have swam for minimum 45 minutes, ack! :-)

I’m a water baby, but mostly self-taught. I’m more comfortable to swim like a mermaid (inspired by Ariel, the Little Mermaid). I’m not at ease with the “formal techniques”. I learned to freestyle etc from watching others and from a tourist who taught me how to dive, kick my feet and take a breath in between strokes like an Olympic swimmer. I was about 9 years old those times he saw me splashing in the pool when not in school or sleeping. The 30 minutes to one hour he spent to teach me became the foundation of my ability to swim now. He was also the motivation behind why I like to teach people of all ages how to swim/float. All I knew of him was that he was either American or European, and that he gave me his swim team jumper which said, “Biarritz” (French?). :-)

Anyway, I can’t (couldn’t) freestyle well without a snorkel (yes, I’ve been doing my laps with a snorkel on, dorky, hahahah ugh). I tried to swim with normal goggles on last week (third week) and I drowned during the first lap. I felt low and sad because swimming which used to be always fun for me became work/exercise/routine. I couldn’t stop between laps to do a somersault or swim around in circles pretending I was a bear or a seal (ehh…heh eheh), or a mermaid. Swimming was no longer “just for fun”.

However, I did love how I am still “soothed” while I exercised, coz water has a calming effect on me. My body/mind naturally feels happy when I’m in water so my mood stayed/became positive. Best of all, I felt myself improving! I felt stronger and this week, in both swim sessions, I could freestyle without using the snorkel’s mouthpiece to breathe!! YAY! I still needed the mask to stop my nose from inhaling water, but I didn’t drown. Woohoo! I might take lessons to fine tune my techniques, in the future. Excited to freestyle properly with proper goggles on. NICE!

…. The biggest change I noticed aside from feeling stronger, and that I always smelt a hint of chlorine on my skin, was that I was always hungry! I already ate like a man. Increased appetite meant nowadays I ate like a horse! I tried to eat healthier, but circumstances this month (and next month) increased my intake of cakes, sweets, pizzas, savouries, ice creams and other junk foods. Aaaaccckk! Eheheheh ugh! Lots of get togethers, meals and picnics also meant I drank several “occasional” wines and beers (1 to 3 maximum per outing, mostly only 1 serve).

I also put on about three to five kilos (66kg approx), but my body felt the same. I look like I weighed less. This is why I tell girls to not gauge their health by the number on the weighing scales. I was under 50kg last year after my trip. I did not feel nor look healthy. I did not feel beautiful. I like my body with meat. I love having a little pot belly to rub. :-)

My pants are not tighter (nor loose). I was told the extra kilos must be the muscles I’ve gained. I admit I thought I’d lose weight, even after all the excess eating and drinking I did. But only because I worked out so much! I see the benefit of being lighter, for this event. The less weight I have, the lighter the load I'd have to carry. So I better work on eating healthier, with less or no more of the indulgences at least until after March. It'd be hard, hahahah ugh!

I'm excited. I didn't do this for charity or any honourable cause. Only for fun with friends and for the personal challenge. We'd definitely finish the course. But I am very curious in what condition at the finish line!!!???! I also wondered why I'd willingly go through this tough event and also paid for the opportunity!!!??? :-)

A Quiet Celebration

Finally! This Saturday, the 18th, marked the day I finally had ALL my personal belongings. If you read my earlier post "Mementos", you’d know it took a lot of effort/years, I lost much and I decided this month will be my cut off date. After yesterday’s haul, I accepted the rest as “gone”. I noticed straight away what was missing…. *Shrugging, hands up in the air*, I figured, "Eeehh??!?! They were just stuff... material things".... I mentioned which items only to bestie whom helped move my things. C’est la vie!

I haven’t seen bestie since last year, though we’ve spoken on the phone. So catching up finally in person was cause for celebration on its own :-). I got two great hugs from him – hello and goodbye. Nothing special about the way they were given - very quick hugs, but with love, and safe. While we/he drove we talked about his European trip and future plans with his beloved (she’s wonderful, I’d love a man version of her for me!), and talked about my trip experiences with more details and my future.

I felt released as I sorted through the boxes, and thought, “these are it, all of it”. A feeling of great relief slowly filled me up while I enjoyed the closure. I never liked prolonged drama, so I started feeling so ecstatic I wanted to celebrate. I felt so liberated I could not concentrate on the task of getting rid of more possessions. I ended up laying on top of the chest box, cradled my head with my arm/s, kicked my feet up in the air (leaned on the wall/boxes), and smiled while I listened to random music from my phone radio :-).... VERY HAPPY. Bestie had to pick up beloved from the airport, and most likely she would be tired/jetlagged. So he went back to the storage company an hour later to drop me home, and I commemorated the day alone.

Our talk about Europe and Italian pastas reminded me how much I loved how simply they made their meals. Inspired by an easy recipe bestie mentioned, I cooked it for lunch. It was delicious! One of my best simple meals in fact! I even enjoyed the whole cooking process ;-). I made it even more special when I opened a small bottle of champagne to drink with it! I felt so good and so happy! A perfect way to celebrate my feeling of freedom! :-)

Later that night, I watched a free orchestral (classical music) concert at the park with a friend. They played music inspired by places – Mexico (playful), Aboriginal Australia (breathtaking) and Finland (dreamy). It was a perfect way to end my quiet celebration.